


Death of Me

by Dekker



Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms, The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Blackmail, Dream Sex, Eventual Romance, Eventual Sex, Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Inspired by The Walking Dead, Rough Sex, Sexual Content, Sexual Slavery, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2020-04-23 07:44:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 44
Words: 62,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19146583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dekker/pseuds/Dekker
Summary: Zara garners Negan's unwanted attention. She has two options, fight for him or marry him. Either way, she belongs to him now.





	1. Alone in the Forrest

**Author's Note:**

> Although this is set in TWD uni. this story is focused on Negan and the sanctuary. Other than the absolute main characters (Negan, rick ect.) all other characters are original. If there are some familiar names it's just a coincidence. Constructive criticism is totally welcome. This is my first FF so I hope you enjoy the future smut :)
> 
> Also, I know I don't give too much physical description of my characters. I like the reader to have their own image of what these characters look like.

The distant noise of crunching leaves groggily brought Zara back to semi consciousness. Keeping her eyes closed she shifted her body into the hard uncomfortable ground and slowly opened her eyes. Blinding sunlight peaked through the trees. That was the first thing that pissed her off. Pushing through her exhaustion she took a silent deep breath and used all of her senses to pinpoint where and how many walkers she needed to kill.

Three walkers to the far left of her were slowly making their way to her camp. It had been months since she'd felt genuine fear of the walking dead. At this point they were little more than an extreme annoyance. So long as she didn't run into large groups. And even then she could usually cover herself in their scent and walk away scot free. But being that she was sleep deprived, starving and in an exceptionally shitty mood; she could feel her anger bubbling up inside her. With a large sigh she sat up. 

Quietly grumbling to herself she complained. “All I fucking wanted was sleep you brain dead mother fuckers! Is it so much to fucking ask that I get ten solid fucking minutes of sleep!”

Reaching for her rusty sword she stood up and rolled her eyes with extreme annoyance. She was so frustrated and not being able to scream or yell was starting to make her go mad. After taking a deep breath she hastily killed the walkers with her sword. 

Looking down at her rusted blade she smiled know how ridiculous she looked. The sword in her hand did in fact look ridiculous. It had been hung on the wall of some history enthusiast's house she ransacked. It's gold handle and blade looked like something out of a cheap three musketeers movie. Looking at the long rust splattered blade she appreciated how useful this ugly sword had come in handy. It was no katana, hell it wasn't even one of her main weapons. But it was useful for times like these when she just wanted to quietly and quickly kill.

Carelessly attaching it to her backpack straps she closed her eyes and inhaled a big breath of fresh air.

 _Fuck this fresh air,_ she thought. _What I wouldn’t give to smell something other than these damn woods._

She suddenly felt like she wasn't alone. Laying back down she stealthily loosened the fabric of her shirt, giving her easier access to the knife pressed against her abdomen. She gently dug both of her ankles into the dirt double checking that she had both pocket knives still stashed in her boot socks. Shifting she could feel the sharp blades tucked into the sides of her bra band. _Good._ she thought.

Wondering if she was being paranoid she took no chances. This certainly wouldn't have been the first time she'd been spied on by the living. Hell she'd almost been ambushed at least four or five times in the last six months by various small groups wandering the forrest.

She listened but heard nothing that would cause alarm but she still had a nagging feeling and something told her to keep her guard up without giving herself away. 

Packing the last of her stuff into her large hikers back pack, she heard the distinct sound of a broken tree branch. The exact second her brain registered the noise she threw her backpack over her shoulders and sprinted into the forrest while connecting her chest clips. Running as fast as she could she let her fear take over. It could have been walkers she was running from but she doubted that. After spending the better part of ten months alone she'd learned that the sensation of true fear never resulted from walkers but the living.

Sure enough she could hear more than one person running behind her. Unwilling to look back she focused on the trees ahead other. It wasn't until she heard the obvious blaring sound of two truck engines that she realized she was being herded. 

_FUCK!_

Knowing they were eventually going to catch up with her, she quickly stopped, deciding instead to save her energy and see what the fuck they wanted. Hunched over with her hands on her knees, breathing wildly, she internally prepared herself for a fight. 

Looking up she registered how truly fucked she was. She was between two trucks packed with armed men and women. Turning she saw four men slowly approach her on foot. Backed into a tree she squared her shoulders and pulled out her sword. The four men started to laugh hysterically. Zara smiled wide while making eye contact with each one of them which abruptly stopped their laughter. 

In a condescending tone the spanish man spoke, “You even know how to use that thing lady?”

“Yea” with a pause slowly dropping her smile “I stick you with the pointy end.”

“Hey now” said the man to her right. His hands were in the air so as not to threaten her but he continued to inch his way near her. She shifted her weight onto a better swinging position. He took the hint and abruptly stopped. 

“Okay, okay okay lady he don’t plan on harming you.”

“Okay” she said defensively. “What do you want?” 

The smallest of the three but most authoritative lifted his chin to her, “Toss the bag”. 

With a large sigh and a roll of her eyes she started unclicking her straps. With one hand still raising the sword she tossed them her bag. Every thing she owned basically. The leader messily dug through her belongings and tossed it towards the trucks. 

“You got my bag, we done here?” she said. 

The short leader brought the walkie talkie from his hip to his face.

“Looks like we got ourselves a new recruit sir. Not sure how long she’s been out here though. She's by herself. She don’t look to be too bad. Could be a good asset. Killed three walkers.” 

After a long static filled pause she heard a deep voice from the walkie.

“Good looking boys, good lookin’. Go ahead and come back with what you got.”

Squinting his eyes at her he replied to the walkie “You’re the boss.” 

Knowing she was severely outnumbered she lowered her ridiculous weapon and balked. “And who the fuck said I was going with you assholes?” 

All the men seem to relax at once deeming her angry but cooperative.

“The Sanctuary, S’where we come from” said one man. 

“The sanctuary, ain’t too bad so long as you earn your keep.”

One of the men stepped forward and puts his hand out for her sword. “I’ll let you keep anything else on you, but I ain’t abouta travel in no car with someone I don’t know welding a got damn pirate sword.” “Plus lady” he said with a pause “looks like you been out here for months, mos’ people out here that long are bat shit crazy. ” 

She tossed him her sword. _he had a point,_ she thought. 

Once she was loaded into the truck bed she tipped her head back and enjoyed the ride letting her hair flow in the wind. With a weird calm she thought to yourself, _I might as well enjoy this moment, it could be my last._


	2. Welcome to the Sanctuary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zara is brought to the sanctuary and comes face to face with it's notorious leader.

Zara's eyes flashed open from the truck bed. Taking in her surroundings she saw a significant amount of trucks and hummers filled with armed men and women. She was greeted by a large perimeter fence lined with the impaled heads of walkers. _That's nice,_ she sarcastically thought to herself. Her mouth dropped open once the heavy gates swung open. Zara wondered how many people were held inside. It had been several months since she'd interacted with living humans for more than a day or two and she wondered what it would be like being thrust into such a large community. 

The bed of the truck unexpectedly opened and she fell hard onto the ground.

“Ow fuck!”

Three thirty something men were looking down at her with lust in their eyes. Fear engulfed her. Realizing how she was dressed she hastily pulled herself up and confidently crossed her arms. Dusting off her thin shirt and short form fitting shorts she made sure to shift her hidden blades. Her outfit was definitely revealing but she learned quickly to dress in her least favorite cloths during the day so she had something semi clean and warm to wear at night. A freezing night or two in blood and brain soaked cloths had taught her that lesson well. 

“Missed a spot sweetheart!” She heard from behind her.

A tall muscular blonde man harshly slapped the dust off her ass. 

Without turning she growled. “Touch me again and . . .” 

Before she could finish her warning she felt the sharp sting of the second slap to her butt. Without missing a beat her left elbow connected with his face and he hit the ground hard. She held her foot ruffly to his throat and with lightning speed her knife was at his neck. 

“Touch me again without my permission and I’ll slice the fucking nose off your ugly bloated face.”

After a few seconds Zara started to wonder why the other men hadn't intervened. She was clearly outnumbered and the outsider to boot. 

A husky voice to her left calmly spoke. 

“Well shit darlin’, aren't you ready to go.”

Staying perfectly still her eyes quickly darted to the direction of the voice. All she could make out in that split glance was a tall figure standing. 

In a sing song voice he commanded, "Drop it."

Using her foot on his throat as leverage, she lifted herself up. Tilting her chin to him she casually threw her knife to the ground. Trying not to show how truly scared she was she met his eyes. Without meaning to she gulped. Hard.

“I know,” he said with a cocky smile, “I’m fucking handsome.” He turned his face to the side giving her a better look, “Not bad right?”

Although her posture showed confidence he caught her glancing at the bat in his hand. Her eyes met his and began to widen. _Holy. Fucking. Shit!_ Her mind spun with the realization that she'd actually heard stories about him. It was a big reason she wasn't too eager to leave the forrest in the first place. The last group she had been with had mentioned him and his "sanctuary." She didn't remember much of what they told her but she distinctly remembered they said he bashed peoples heads in with a wooden bat. 

His eyes slowly roamed over her body and with a devilish smile he loudly spoke to the crowd that had accumulated.

“As some of you may have fucking guessed by now,” looking directly into Zara's eyes, "I'm Negan." 

Holding out his arms he slowly turned so the crowd could get a better look at him. His notorious bat was wrapped with barbed wire and fluidly moved like an extension of his arm.

“And this here,” he gestured to his bat “this here is lucile. And this is your new home. Welcome to the sanctuary.” 

It wasn't until the blonde man started to pull himself up off the floor that Zara even noticed the large clusters of people behind her. There were many small terrified groups being pulled from the truck beds. She was clearly one of the few who had been surviving alone. Though Negan was talking to the group as a whole, he kept his eyes fixed on her. 

“You see those gates there, no one goes in or out of those gates unless I give the orders. Those are MY fucking gates and this is MY fucking community. And in my fucking community you work for your fucking place.” 

He finally turned away from her with a knowing grin. 

“We have a point system here folks. You work for your points. You live by my rules. And we’re all gonna be hunky fucking dory."

"Congratulations people,” He said with a wicked smile, “You’ve just been saved.”

 _Okay,_ Zara thought to herself, _doesn’t sound so bad, work, follow the rules and don’t fuck around. I can do that._ Relief flooded over her for a second before he abruptly spun back around and took two aggressive steps towards her.

“Oh” he cooed, practically glaring his teeth with delight, “These cloths,” he prodded at Zara's stomach with lucille, “are mine now.” He raised his voice with deadly calm and looked out at the group.

“Your weapons, are mine. All your shitty belongings, are mine.” He made direct eye contact with her again.

“You. Are. Mine. There's not a fucking thing that goes on around here that I don’t know about, so you’re gonna learn the fucking rules, earn your fucking keep, and do whatever the fuck I say. Are we clear.”

When no one made a sound he gestured to his ear, “I said are we fucking clear. Cause if anybody here ain’t clear on the new rules you can talk to lucille here.” 

The group replied unenthusiastically, “clear.”

He perked up, “Fantastic!”

Turning to the man behind him he cleared his throat and stood at his full hight. He immediately wiped any amusement from his face. 

“Now what the fuck is going on here?” he gestured to her.

“Negan this fucking psycho bitch pulled a knife on me!” The man yelled as he cradled his blooded face. With a terrifying calm Negan turned to him lifting lucille to his swollen cheek.

“Did I ask YOU what happened?” Looking down the man shamefully shook his head no. “Then. Don’t. Open. Your fucking mouth again.” 

Negan turned with a raised brow. “Name?”

Unwilling to give her full name she swallowed dryly and reluctantly answered,“Z.” 

He tilted his head with a smile. “Well that’s a beautiful fucking name Z. That short for anything?” 

Clearing her throat she quietly replied, “Zara.” 

Negan slowly walked to her, stopping when he was directly in front of her. “Well Zara, care to explain to me why you pulled a knife on one of my best men?”

She relaxed her body knowing this was no time to be defiant. “He slapped my ass. I warned him not too. He didn’t listen so” She made eye contact with the blonde man. “I reminded him.” 

The man behind Negan gave a quick nod of his head confirming her story. 

“Well ain’t that some sexy ass shit. Hot fuckin’ damn!” He playfully slapped his knee. 

“I love a girl that knows how to handle her fucking self.” 

He looked out to the crowd. “We don’t have many rules here. What can I say, I'm a cool guy. I’m chill. But one of my biggies. No rape. No other shit like that goes down in my fucking house either. See,” he said with a pause, “I respect you ladies.” 

“And trust me people when I say you don’t want to break my rules.” 

He turned back around, “which hand was it?” With a calm voice he commanded, “put it on the ground” the man shakily obeyed. Negan lifted lucille high into the air and looked at Zara with a proud smirk, he raised an eyebrow silently asking for her answer. Making eye contact with the man on the floor she quickly and sympathetically shook her head no. Lucille came to an ear splitting thud no more than three inches away from his shaking hand.

“Well damn, I was hoping to give y’all a little demonstration of what happens to those who don’t follow my rules.” His smile dropped and he scaned the crowd from left to right making eye contact with every new adult member. 

“I think you guys get the fucking idea. Yea.”

After a solid 15 seconds of silence Negan suddenly broke out with a friendly smile, “Dex, take their weapons. No. Take my weapons. Show them to the bunks then once they're settled, take ‘em to the bar. I don’t know let ‘em make some friends. Ah what the fuck since I’m such a cool fucking guy give ‘em a round on me.” He looked back at Zara and saw her eyebrows loosely drawn together with concern, and winked. Snapping her eyebrows together even tighter he laughed out loud and turned to leave.

After what felt like ten exhausting hours later Zara found herself falling onto a bumpy cot. _It's probably only 6 o'clock,_ she thought. Looking around the room she shook her head in amazement. This was certainly the last place she thought she'd be sleeping tonight. The "bunks" as Negan called them were nothing more than individual steel lined makeshift jail cells. _Fucking assholes took all my weapons and cloths._ Placing her hand over her abdomen she smiled. _Didn't get this one though,_ she laughed to herself. The guards stopped assuming she had any other weapons once they pulled the first four knives hidden on her. 

Quietly laughing to herself she wondered whether these enclosed rotting rooms were meant to be a punishment. After spending months sleeping outside on the cold hard ground or belted to an elevated tree limb, she was grateful to have a small bit of padding. _I can’t wait to shower,_ she thought. _I’ll be able to smell something other than my own stink._ The dripping sink next to her made her jump. Registering the noise it finally dawned on her that she didn't have to worry about walkers sneaking up on her in the night anymore. She could somewhat let down her guard and get some fucking blissful walker free rest. It took less than three minutes before she fell into a deep sleep. So deep that she slept through the knocks at her door instructing her to head to the bar. Deep enough that she didn't even hear when her door opened and closed a few hours later.


	3. Negative Points

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan and Zara get better acquainted.

As Negan stared down at Zara his large leathered hand brushed the hair away from her face so he could get a better look at her. For a split second she smiled forgetting the destroyed world. She let his hand linger at her jawline. Without opening her eyes reality hit her and in three sharp seconds she whipped out her blade connecting it with whatever was touching her.

“Ah God Dammit” Negan shouted, quickly drawing his arm back.

Focusing her eyes she realized what she did and who she did it too. Before she could think, because honestly she wouldn't have been so eager to help, she rushed forward and cupped his forearm, holding it tightly to her body. Blood started to seep out between her fingers and with wide eyes she looked around her cell for something to stop his bleeding. Remembering that they took all of her other cloths Zara rolled her eyes and pulled off her shirt.

Attempting to stop the bleeding she struggled to pull up his leather jacket sleeve. “Wha. . . who the fuck wears leather in this heat! Damnit! Take this off!”

Removing her shirt from his arm she closely inspected his cut.“It’s not too too deep but I think it needs stitches. And to be sterilized.”

At some point she finally realized she'd been talking out loud. Looking up she locked eyes with Negan and the lustful look on his face made her let go of his arm and back into the wall. 

As he stepped towards her she suddenly felt like prey. “Well aren’t you somthin’ else.” His eyes perked up.

“Jason” he yelled, “bring me a medi pack, needle, thread, fresh shirt and a bottle of . . .” He looked at her trying to make up his mind, “bring me the 1942.”

“Yep” she heard from outside her cell.

Negan’s unwillingness to break eye contact with her made her blush. _That’s fucking embarrassing,_ she thinks to herself.

“I’m Sssorry. I didn’t meant to… to…I’m sorry.” Clearing her throat she managed to shout, “I didn’t mean to cut you!” 

Feeling the chill of the room she remembered she was topless and looked around the room for something to cover herself with. Crossing her arms she realized that only pushed her tits up. Negan gave a wicked chuckle. With no luck Zara threw her arms out and defeatedly let them hang to her sides. _Fine, fuck it, whatever,_ she thought to herself. _I guess it’s no different than a bathing suit._

Staring at her toned abdomen and full breasts Negan playfully bit his lip. He didn't seem to mind the dirt and sweat covering her body. Hell, if anything, it highlighted the dips and curves of her torso. The thick burgundy velvet bra cupping her tits didn’t do her any favors either. Sure it supported her in a flattering way but she wore it because its band went down about three inches lower than a normal bra, almost like a bustier. It’s strong inner wire was durable and she needed something that could hold her blades in place.

Seeing his facial expression she thought to herself, _No; I don’t think I do trust him enough in a bathing suit either._

Negan plopped onto the cot and gestured for her to come to him. Cautiously walking to him she stopped just out of his reach. Slowly nodding no he gestured for her to come closer. With a large anxious sigh she stepped forward.

“How’d you get the knife.” he asked.

“They never took it from me.” she replied. 

“Where?” he asked with a flirtatious smile. “Show me where you hid it.”

Sensing her hesitation he added, “Don’t disobey me Zara.”

Looking at the corner of the room she fold down the front of her shorts exposing the skin well below her belly button. The indent of her pocket knife was still etched into her skin.

“Well,” he happily clapped his hands together, “looks like my men didn’t properly search you then.” With another defeated sigh she extend her arms out to the side. 

His rough warm hands cupped the back of her legs behind her knees. His hands slowly started to move their way up her thighs. _He sure is taking his sweet ass time,_ she thought. Her nostrils flaired as he very gently slipped his fingers into the bottoms of her jean shorts. Gently squeezing he let out a rough laugh. His right hand played with the button and zipper of her shorts before he hastily pulled them to the ground. The only thing that brought her mild comfort was knowing there was nothing remotely sexy about her underwear. _Yep, just your run of the mill navy panties, she thought to herself._

__

__

Turning her around Negan gently ran his hands up the front of her thighs. His right hand made its way under the back of her bra band and for few dreaded moments she was sure he was going to unclasp it. Her body betrayed her and twitched with anticipation of his touch.

“Pretty sure i’m not hiding any weapons there” she said angrily.

Spinning her back around Zara can’t help but smirk at his stupid face. His shit eating grin was salt on her wound.

“Damn girl when was the last time you’ve eaten?” He asked looking mildly concerned. 

“I don’t know yesterday maybe,” she said in a dead tone.

“May I have my shirt back please?” Zara asks, pulling her shorts back up.

“Since you said please.” he smiles.

Standing up he starts slipping off his jacket and removed the red bandanna from his neck. Pulling off his white shirt he tossed it at her head. Quickly putting it on she realized how much more uncomfortable she was with his nakedness than hers. He was very tanned and tone and had a hard body. He had the right amount of black course hair covering his chest down to his happy trail. The smell of him suddenly engulfed her. _Well fuck! This isn’t what I meant when I said I didn’t want to smell the fucking woods,_ she thought to yourself. 

The door swung open and a twenty something baby faced man handed Negan a basket with medical supplies, wipes, a tall bottle of DonJulio, cups and a fresh cotton shirt.

“Bring a platter.” he tells the man.

“I don’t know, somethin’ fuckin’ fancy.” he laughed. 

After the doors close he handed her the thread and needle. 

“Sew me up darlin’.”

Attempting to take a step back he held strong to the back of her thighs squeezing her tightly to him. Reluctantly she grabbed the thread and needle and pierce his flesh. Feeling queasy she started to sway. She's sure he finds this funny considering she apparently has no problem stabbing walkers in the head. But she's use to cutting things open, not sewing them up. 

Still smiling he handed her a glass with a good amount of dark tequila in it. Because she was so nervous at being this near his naked body she downed the glass without a second thought.

“Easy now baby this is DonJulio 42.” Negan flirtatiously laughed.

He slowly brought his glass up to her lips while intently studying her mouth.

“Let it sit on your tongue for a few seconds.” He sensually commands. 

Zara knew he’s getting off on this but truth be told that was the smoothest tequila she’d ever tasted. Closing her eyes she felt the alcohol warm her throat and belly.

“I don’t even know the last time i’ve had tequila,” She absently said aloud.

His arm flinched and she remembered she was mid way to sewing him up. Although she was wearing his large shirt, he has no problem getting a good look and feel at her body. Concentrating on his cut she didn’t even realize her breast were grazing his arm stabilizing her.

After closing up his cut she stood to her full hight. Immediately she felt herself start to sway and he placed her on his lap while he nonchalantly inspected her handy work.

“Now darlin’’ I thought I told you to go to the bar tonight. Not listening to me, that’s braking a very dangerous rule.” He paused while slipping his hand under the back of her shirt.

“Hoarding weapons ain’t allowed either. Looks like i’ve got a rebel on my hands.” 

Shifting in his lap she casually pushed his hand away.

“I’m sorry for braking your rules Negan.” His eyes twinkled at the sound of his name coming from her mouth. 

The door opened and Jason handed Negan a large silver tray with sliced pears, assorted meats and cheeses, a few slices of hard breads with grapes and mustard sauce. she couldn't take her eyes off all of the food. Even smelling it made her belly feel fuller. He brought a thin slice of pear to her lips pushing her hand away when she attempt to grab it from him. Slowly putting it inside her mouth she saw his chest start to rise and fall more dramatically.

Taking her first small bite the pear broke off into her mouth. Because she'd been starving and in truth it had been a good while since she’d eaten anything with actual substance, she didn’t realize or even care when he started to slowly roll her hips over his throbbing sex.

With closed eyes she continued eating. Damn if this wasn’t the best food she’d ever tasted in her life. A single juicy grape popped in her mouth and Negan let out a small pleasing grunt. Sadly starting to snap out of her food trance she felt his large member pressed firmly between her cheeks. He slowly rocked her hips into him. The heat of him made her eyes snap open.

“HEY! Fuck!” She yelped standing up abruptly. He laughed devilishly which only further pisses her off. 

The walkie talkie on his hip came to life and a voice called for Negan.

“Ah shit.” He slowly stood reaching into his tight jeans and adjusted him erection.

“Well Zara looks like you’re off the hook. Next time try a little harder to follow my fucking rules. Got it.” Still shooting him daggers with her eyes he lifted her chin with his hand.

“Tomorrow you can start working off your debt, you’re starting off in the negative sweetheart.”

“What debt!” she questioned. 

“Shit honey the shirt, food, medical supplies for this cut and the drink you never got at the bar. Nothin’s for free around here sweet cheeks.” 

With her mouth agape he winked and turned to leave but before he closed the door he looked back at her.

“I was gonna charge you for the tequila, but I think you earned it.” and slammed the door.

“Fucker!” she said aloud while plopping another grape into her mouth. Lifting the collar of her new shirt she too a large whiff. 

“Didn’t even give me the clean shirt. How much is this shit gonna cost me?” she complained out loud. Zara could hear Negan chuckle from outside the door as he walks away.


	4. Rise, Eat and Interview

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Z meets the saviors.

CLANG!

Zara flinched at the pipes banging loudly against the walls. “Time to wake up people. I suggest you haul your asses to the showers now because you only got 30 minutes before Negan wants you all downstairs.” 

Considering the shitty condition of the cot she slept on Zara felt remarkably well rested. With amused surprise she found herself very aroused as she woke up. Pressing one hand to her sex she extended her other arm and stretched. Chuckling to herself she's not all that surprised she had sex dreams about Negan. For one thing she had a good buzz from the tequila he'd given her. _Good old tequila,_ Zara thought. 

It didn't help that the shirt Negan had given her was drenched in his musk. She wouldn't deny that he was handsome. More good looking than the average man she concluded. His peppered stubble and dark features went exceptionally well with his tanned face and slicked back dark hair. His straight white teeth only made his smile stand out against his overly tanned skin. He was very much in shape but most people were seeing as junk food wasn’t available anymore. His broad shoulders were what really gave him a muscular sexy build. 

Truth be told, Zara was seriously considering letting him fuck her. Sure he had some obvious power issues but what did she care, she wasn't planning on staying there long anyway. She just had to figure out how to get access to some weapons and canned food first. She'd be gone in a week or two Zara thought. She might as well enjoy the luxuries that this place had to offer. 

The idea of fucking Negan actually thrilled her. No one THAT cocky could be a bad lay and it had been a very VERY long time since Zara had sex, let alone good sex. By no means was she a prude, she was just weary of the whole “I own you” thing he was hammering in. She wasn't sure how long it had been since this place had seen a new woman but she figured she was just the new toy for him. Anyway with an attitude like his Zara was sure he was probably fucking multiple women. And since she wasn't looking for any type of commitment that was perfectly fine by her. 

Opening the door she she stepped onto a messy pile at her feet. Fuck Yes! Her cloths! And they’d been cleaned! After making her way to the showers she quickly cleaned herself as best she could. The water was fucking freezing. Pulling her jean pants up she couldn't help but let out the biggest sigh of relief. At least she didn't look like an attention seeking slut anymore. Zara laughed to herself. She hesitated to put her shirt on because the one Negan gave her was much better quality than what she currently owned. Tossing it to the floor Zara decided to wear her freshly cleaned navy v neck instead. It was thin and worn but it fit her body with just the right amount of snugness. Plus she didn’t want to give Negan the satisfaction of seeing her in his shirt. After knotting her boots she finally made her way downstairs. 

Once there she almost immediately ran into the blonde man from before. The left side of his face looks liked shit. Smiling at Zara he instantly put his hands out as if she had a gun.

“Heyyy, I’ve been meaning you run into you. I wanted to apologize about before. My bad.” he shrugged his shoulders. “Can’t blame a guy for testing the waters when you see a girl wearing a getup like that.”

“That’s how you say hello?” she replied. Smiling at him, “And how does that usually turn out for you?”

He cupped the side of his swollen face. “Good usually, but I think I learned a valuable lesson yesterday.”

Shooting Zara side eyes he smiled, “So, we square. A hit for a hit. You’re getting the better deal here. Trust me.”

“Oh I believe you. Okay, clean slate."

Jokingly, he places his hand over his unbruised face, “Hey uh, you don’t really think my face is ugly do you?”

Remembering her earlier comment about cutting him she laughed, “well it looks a lot better with your nose attached to it.”

Laughing he griped her shoulder with a friendly shake and squeezed, “Why don’t you come sit with my table. With an elbow like yours you’re probably gonna be sorted with us anyway. I’m AJ, come meet the rest of us.” 

After being introduced to the table Zara met a good handful of men and women that seemed to be on her level. People that could handle themselves and took no shit. But also smart people that knew when to shut the fuck up and play the game. For the most part they’re all very welcoming to her, especially when one of the men tells everyone how she knocked AJ on his ass. It surprised her how fast they made her feel like one of them. Then again, people didn’t have the luxury of time and usually cut through all the getting to know you bullshit. Some of the more memorable people she met were Theo, Jax, Christian, Dallas and Kate. Shockingly she found that AJ wasn’t a complete asshole either and had a pretty dark but funny sense of humor.

Looking around the room she was actually very grateful she somehow got pulled into this group. Most of the other clusters of people seemed to be grouped by their jobs around the sanctuary; kitchen staff, cleaners, farmers and medical. She quickly made out who had families because they looked like they still had something to loose. And that’s when she connected that the table she was sitting at was mostly made up of people who had no one else. Others like herself who were probably found surviving alone. She did find it extremely corny that they called themselves the saviors. 

Sensing that she caught the eyes of one of the other groups she turn to scan the crowd.

Five beautiful women all dressed in black form fitting dresses burned a hole through her with their stares. Figuring they were the town concubines she turned to ask Kate.

“What the fuck are they looking at?” Zara asked defensively.

Laughing hard Kate raised her eyebrows, but before she could explain, a hush came over the room. Kate pulled Zara down so she was level with the rest of the saviors. 

“Good morning everyone.” Negan said in a sing song tone.

Clicking his tongue he nodded his head upwards and those kneeling immediately sat up. Realizing she just kneeled to Negan like he was a God Zara internally groaned. Lucky for her she didn't think he was looking her way.

As he was going into a long speech about rules and being grateful Zara unintentionally zoned out. Something about the energy of the room was starting to make her feel hyper sensitive. Looking at the people around her it started to concern her how much everyone seemed to genuinely fear the saviors and Negan. It also haden’t escaped her notice that the “saviors” she just befriended all seemed to be hyper focused on Negan. They were hanging onto every word he said a little too much for her liking. Once he finished speaking everyone went back to eating their breakfast, although the friendly atmosphere was gone. 

Once the breakfast room was cleared Zara was taken to a small muggy room with a rickety chair facing three larger empty chairs to the front of it. Sitting on the unsteady chair she was left alone for what felt like an hour. Two chubby middle age woman and Jax walked into the room and sat down in front of her. After explaining that they were sorting the new arrivals to their jobs she significantly relaxed.

Before they started the interview the swinging doors loudly slammed open causing everyone to jump in their seats. Negan strolled in with one hand in the air and the other holding an unpeeled orange.

“Sorry, sorry. Didn’t mean to make a dramatic entrance. I‘ll just let you guys do your thing. Don’t mind me I’m just gonna hang back over here.” he gestured to the dimly lit corner of the room.

The three people interviewing her exchanged a weird knowing look making Zara feel very uneasy.

Jax, who she had met earlier at breakfast, was 34 years old and had military experience. He was built like a bulky Italian with a natural body builders physique. His light brown hair contrasted with his white skin but he had oddly dark eyebrows which gave him a memorable face. He seemed okay enough to her.

“So Z, what we wanna get is some background info on you. Where ya from? What’d you do before shit hit the fan? Got any special skills, stuff like that? This is gonna determine where you’ll be place. We’ll give it a try, see if its a good fit and bam” Opening his hands up, “you enjoy your stay at the sanctuary?”


	5. Negan's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan's point of view on Zara and his thoughts on what he learned from her interview.

Negan was interested in Zara the moment he learned there was a lone woman not only surviving in the forrest but thriving. His curiosity got the best of him and he had to see what she looked like. He spotted her before the truck even stopped. Her head was tilted back with her black hair hanging over the truck bed. She looked oddly relaxed making her stand out amongst the other groups of people, who were shitting themselves in fear.

She had long pitch black hair that complimented the honey glow of her olive skin. Her hair stopped at her mid back. She was skinnier then he liked his women but he realized she was probably not eating enough while scavenging in the forrest. Even so, she still had a generous enough hourglass figure. Though she was small he could see she was toned and he knew she was probably stronger than she appeared to be. 

Thinking of her made him chuckle. Watching her knock AJ on his ass made his dick twitch. He found her sexy as hell from the moment he laid eyes on her. She stood so defiantly for someone so short. She only looked to be about 5’3. She had a beautiful face but it was her expressions that Negan found himself attracted to. He enjoyed seeing every emotion show on her face. Her darks eyes had thick black lashes which made them look bigger than they actually were. Somehow she looked like a scared child but he knew otherwise. 

_She’s gotta be one tough sneaky son of a bitch to survive the forrest this long without one of your men finding her,_ he thought. 

He knew she’d make a good savior but at that time he hadn’t made his mind up yet about whether he wanted her as a wife instead. Imagining how she’d be with his other meek wives only furthered that thought.

Not many people could surprise him but she sure as shit did when she cut his arm. He was surprised she managed to keep a knife on her because Joe had told him they pulled four blades off of her person. That whole bunk encounter is what really convinced him to make her one of his wives. He knew the moment she touched his arm that he wasn't going to let any other man have her. 

There was obviously sexual attraction on both sides. But he damn near came when she was on his lap. Usually that was something he had extreme control over. 

Thinking about it he was pretty excited to have a bad ass female like her on the road with him. He’d certainly be enjoying the mid day forrest fucks. 

Negan wasn’t sure how much he liked the fact that she made friendly with his saviors though. He was planning on sorting her with them anyways. But seeing them gravitate to her naturally concerned him. 

Although the saviors were some of his most trusted people, he didn’t like how much natural chemistry she had with his men. He was aware that she zoned out during his morning announcements and he didn’t like how observant she seemed to be. 

_She's too fucking cleaver for her own good,_ he thought to himself. 

Already knowing he’d be placing her with his saviors he came to her interview because he was so damn curious about her. He could have listened from the outside but he wasn’t all that sure she’d be truthful so he wanted to see her face. Or at least that's what he told himself. 

She wasn’t very detailed with her answers but he learned that she had been living in southern California. When the outbreak happened she was in the east coast for work training. For a little over a year she lived with a small group that consisted of coworkers and hotel staff. 

Although she hadn’t been in the military she had grown up as a military brat living from base to base. Her mother and father had been Marines. Her father was still active when shit hit the fan and he had given her a three hour lead before the outbreak hit. 

He figured that was why she was so unfazed to his mens sexual advances. She must have been use to getting attention from strong arrogant men. 

She had planned to join the air force after getting her degree but promised her grandfather she wouldn’t join until after he died. He had a big part in raising her and couldn’t stand the thought of her deployed like his son, who had completed numerous overseas tours. The old man endearingly and stubbornly lived to be 102 delaying her from joining by eight years. In that time she had gotten her bachelors in economics minoring in environmental sustainability. 

Negan had to admit, on paper she was pretty fucking perfect.

Smiling to himself, _except for that damn temper._

_I can’t fucking wait,_ he wickedly thought to himself. He’d have to make sure he kept some extra eyes on her. Although he wanted to fuck her brains out, he didn’t trust her not to slit his throat in the night yet.

But he was up for the challenge.


	6. The Sanctuary

It had been three weeks since Zara's arrival. She hadn't seen much of Negan and was very thankful for that. He had her shadowing saviors for most of the days she'd been here. She typically spent her nights in her small bunk keeping to herself. It wasn't that Zara wasn't social but she had a huge debt to pay off and preferred to save what little points she had on adding extra protein to her food. Of course many men offered to by her drinks but Zara knew better than to be indebted to any of those creeps.

After weeks of tactical training and sparring the saviors finally felt comfortable enough to welcome her into their group. They didn't see Zara as someone who would bitch out when shit hit the fan. 

She trusted very few people. Her closest companions were AJ, Dallas, and Ivy. Although Ivy wasn't a savior she was the wife of one. She and Christian were one of the few who had a surviving spouse from before the walkers. Ivy and Zara usually hung out at night because Christian was always away scavenging with Negan. Ivy was also the only other person who seemed weary of Negan as much as Zara had been. 

She had been busting her ass with the saviors and it had started to make the days mingle together. Although it was nice for Zara to not have to rely on herself for everything, she couldn't trust a favor. She felt like this place was dangerous. Everybody was so fixated on Negan and his rules and climbing his social ladder. It truly made her blood run cold the first time she heard everyone chanting, "we are Negan, we are Negan."

Zara was dumbfounded to learn that Negan wasn’t just running the sanctuary. He was running several districts throughout the area. She’d been told there were almost 700 people he was protecting. Shockingly he actually had over 400 saviors fighting for him and his cause. 

Although it was amazing being able to eat and take cold showers every day, there were also many things that set off alarm bells in her head. 

She knew Negan and his top men were ruthless but she hadn’t seen them do anything outrageously bad since she came. So it really made her wonder why he put the fear of God in everyone, even the saviors. She got the feeling her new comrades wanted to warn her but every time they would go into details she'd be called for some new task or training. Zara was kept busy at almost all times other than the night. 

Finding out about Negan’s five wives didn’t exactly thrill her either but it was also a bit of a relief. More power to those ladies for confidently walking around in those ridiculous skin tight black dresses. But Zara wouldn't be caught dead in an outfit like that when a walker could attack at any moment. The high heels they all wore did surprise her. She wouldn’t have pegged Negan for a stripper heel guy. It kind of brought her comfort knowing how short she was. He must not be into short girls she thought. 

But the two most concerning things didn’t even involve Negan. Zara felt like all the back breaking work was being done by the meek and timid families living at the sanctuary. It was obvious many of these people were being treated as slaves. Zara's only comfort was that she knew these weak people would have died without Negan’s protection. She guessed if that was their trade off then so be it. At least she knew they weren't being raped or starved. But it still didn’t sit right with her knowing everybody was at Negan's mercy. 

But the biggest issue she had was that Zara thought she was being watched; no followed. She would have been sure of it but she wondered if all that time alone in the forrest had made her too paranoid. 

There were so many restricted areas and floors. Even with all the weapons provided she still felt completely unsafe.


	7. Negan The Savior

Zara was exhausted from the days work but everybody had been told to gather to the first floor patio and wait for further instructions. Negan’s wives were distributing drinks out to the crowd. There were various different types of alcohols to choose from. Like everything else, it was based on how much points you had built up. Some people were drinking boxed wine while others had high end liquors.

Even though many of the guys were offering to buy her drinks, she choose instead to drink cheap scotch on her own tab. 

Makeshift fire pits outside illuminated the patio. It was nice seeing all of the different groups socializing with each other. And for the first time in a long time everybody was actually having fun. Everyone was buzzed. Zara was shooting the shit with AJ, Dallas, Christian and Ivy. 

Everyone had a few drinks in them by the time Negan and his crew arrive back. Opening the gates everyone happily lifted their drinks high into the air and welcomed back their leader in drunken slurs. All of the raised drinks immediately came down when Negan stepped out of his hummer. He was covered in blood. 

Slinging lucille over his shoulder thick black blood and matter dripped from her barbed wires. 

As he walked to the crowd Zara's eyes widened. Negan's face was streaked with thin lines of dried splattered blood.  
The psychotic look in his eyes stoped everyone from moving a muscle. It was as though everyone was holding their breath. The whites of Negan's teeth highlight his twisted smile, actually causing some people in the crowd to take a step back. 

“What a fucking pleasure it is to see y’all and be back home.” Negan exclaimed. 

Extending his free hand out he teasingly grabbed a drink out of someones hands and downed it’s contents letting it spill messily out of the sides of his mouth. With an angry force he threw down the cup and started rotating his wrist causing lucille to swing in a circular motion. Everyone backed away from him as if they’ed been repelled. 

Looking across the groups of people Negan starred directly into Zara's eyes. Laughing wildly he made his way towards her. Once he reached her group he harshly grabbed Zara by the face. Holding her in place he cranked his neck down at her. She felt as though he could hear how loud her heart was pounding. He angrily slamed his lips into hers and she could feel the cold wet blood on her face. Pulling himself away he squeezed her face painfully tighter and squinted he eyes at her while smearing blood onto her chin with his thumb.

Extending his arm he held her at arms length and audibly grunted,“Humm.”

Remembering to breathe Zara finally inhaled a large breath of air breaking the silence.

In an instant she saw nothing but a flash of his leather jacket mixed with a loud clash of noise. It took her several seconds to comprehend what happened. 

Negan swung lucille in the air and with great force he connected with the side of Christian's neck. The shocked screams of people die down leaving chilling silence in its wake. The only sounds were from Christian and his screaming wife Ivy. 

Holding him in place Negan harshly stepped onto Christians chest forcing out a gasp of air. 

“Now i’ve just come back from Hilltop, friend. You wanna guess what a little birdie told me.” 

Seeing that Negan was actually waiting for a response Christian attempted to respond. The only sounds that escaped him are that of him choking on his own blood. 

“Oh shit,” Negan cruelly laughed. “I guess I’ll have to do the talking then.” He says while leaning down so Christian can hear him. “Don’t move a fucking muscle,” he warned him. 

Grabbing Ivy off the floor he forces her to hold lucille in place as it’s still imbedded into the side of her husbands neck. 

“I wouldn’t move that if I was you darlin” he joked.

Turning to the crowd he dramatically clears his throat. 

“Now, I don’t like to be the bad guy people. I don’t think I ask for much.” In a mocking tone he playfully says to the crowd, “You know this hurts me more than it hurts you.”

“You just need to follow the God damn rules and we won’t have anymore hiccups like this.” 

Making sure he has everyones undivided attention he stalked around the crowds weaving in and out of the groups.

Turning to look at Christian with disgust Negan clicks his tongue and spits on the floor next to him. “See, the problem is, people can’t follow simple fucking rules.” 

“Can you believe this gutless mother fucker thought he could set me up. Me, yours trully. Thought he could have someone take me out and he’d become what, the new Negan.” he said with disbelief. 

Leaning down making eye contact with Christian he curls his lips with rage. 

“Didn’t count on their loyalty did you, you spineless piece of shit. They ratted on your ass before I even stepped out of my mother fucking truck. And for what?” He starts to laugh, “they turned you in for some extra soap and a stale sack of rice.” 

Negan turns back to the crowd, “In case any of y’all haven’t fucking learned yet, I don’t take kindly to anyone breaking my mother fucking rules. And talking to other districts without my consent is a big fucking rule.”

With a dramatic sad sigh he swiftly swings his body around and rips lucille out of Ivys hands, resulting in a gush of blood shooting out of Christians neck. With both hands on the handle Negan swings lucille down on Christians skull. He starts laughing when he has to use his foot on Christians chest as leverage to pull lucille from his head. Horrifically the stunned crowd can hear Christian gurgling on his own blood and matter. 

Negan continued to bring down lucille, smashing it into Christians face until he had no face to smash. 

Popping out his arms Negan lifted his jacket collar and jokes, “Anybody got a cigarette.” 

Everyone is too stunned to make a sound. 

“What, no applause.” Negan jests. Lifting his arm he wiped his face smearing blood across his forehead. 

Quickly getting annoyed of Ivy’s screams he motioned to his remaining saviors, “Take that bitch to the hole and see what she knows.” 

Straightening his back Negan looks around at the crowd playfully. “Well, I think we all learned a valuable fucking lesson today right kids.”

Extending his arms out he smiles, “Don’t disobey daddy.”

After a few terrifying seconds of silence Negan shouts, “Alright folks, I think we can all use some shut eye, yeah.” He pouts his bottom lip out, “we gotta be up bright and early tomorrow.” Clapping is hands together, “So let’s hit the bunks.” 

Slowly Negan and the crowd start to make their way to the sanctuary.

Negan stops and before he continues walking back to the building he turns around and calmly commands, “Bring her to the fifth floor.”

Without warning Zara felt two large sets of hands grab each of her arms and another bulky arm wrap around her neck attempting to choke her out. Bucking like a trapped animal she threw back her head and heard a loud crack.

“Ah fuck she broke my fucking nose!” a deep voice shouts.

Negan affectionately laughs. 

Someone eventually managed to get her in a proper choke hold and within a few seconds Zara was out.


	8. The Options

Intense throbbing at the back of Zara's skull brought her back to consciousness. Opening her eyes she surveyed the room. It was amazing! Feeling as though she were stepping back in time she was transported to years earlier when luxuries like this seemed normal. The room was painted in a deep shade of purple, dark enough that it almost looked black. The furniture was simple, sharp and accented with black marble tops and knobs. Negan's massive bed was fitted with a bright red bedspread adorned with patterned black stitching. The large headboard was covered with tufted black velvet upholstery. Taking a deep breath Zara inhaled the strong scent of sandalwood and leather. 

Brining her hand to the back of her head she felt cold wet liquid. Assuming it was blood she let out a quiet moan. A noise from the corner of the room catches her attention. 

Negan was sitting in his large black leather chair, legs spread wide casually towel drying his damp hair. He looked so different without his hair slicked back. Un-gelled, his thick black hair draped down to the length just under his eyes. Looking at Zara with amusement on his face he smiled. 

“Man I’ve had a hell of a fuckin’ day. How about you?”

Seeing the expression on his face Zara realized he was genuinely asking how her day was. As if he didn’t just smash a mans face in within arms reach of her. Still in shock her mouth hung open causing him to let out a loud echoing laugh. 

“Well, I thought you’d take a while to warm up to me but damn darlin! You're really giving me the cold shoulder.”

Extending his hand out Negan gestured to the bed next to him. “Come on now before you start to hurt my feelings.”

Without hesitation Zara made her way over and sat at the side of the bed adjacent to him. She complied to his orders not out of fear but sheer curiosity at where he was going with this conversation and why he wanted to have it with her. She'd barely even seen him after being sorted as a savior. After a few weeks without seeing him Zara figured he was satisfied with having her fight for him and his cause. _Surely he’s not trying to fuck at a time like this,_ she thought. 

“Negan, that was…” Shaking her head in disbelief she couldn't find the words

“You’re insane.” She said breathlessly.

“You think so.” He chuckled. “That little fucker and his bitch wife were conspiring to overthrow me. And with another weak ass community no less. What was I supposed to do? Let him? What would you have done.”

Unwilling to respond to him Zara shook her head. For the first time she truly felt scared to test his limits. Christian was one of his most trusted saviors. To think he could do that to him and his wife truly scared her.

“Well I don’t like to see you unhappy, but baby." He shrugged, "I can’t unbash his face in.” 

After a small awkward silence Negan cheerfully perked up. 

“Well sweetheart, don’t you wanna know my good news?”

“I’m scared to ask.” 

With a breathless laugh he replied, “Well, before I found out about our good ol’ boy Christian, I was planning on asking for your hand in marriage tonight. That was originally why I had everyone on the patio.”

Seeing the horrified expression on Zara's face Negan placed his hand to his heart. “Now, as much as I would love to have you as a wife, I just so happen to have a new position on my team open up.”

“Are you talking about Christians job?! Why would I... want that job? You just … smashed his head in!” She said in amused disbelief.

Negan quickly jumped up, happily slapping his thigh. “God damn! I was hoping you’d pass on the job! Fuck you’re gonna make such a sweet ass wife!”

Standing up Zara panicked, backing up until her body hit the wall behind her. “Negan! I’m not gonna be your wife! What the fuck are you talking about!”

Knowing he’d already won he angled his body, trapping her against himself. His body was entirely too close for her comfort. Looking into her eyes she felt his body begin to react to the nearness of her. Her body began to betray her as she felt her own pent up sexual attraction to him. 

In a threateningly level voice Negan spoke, “You have two options, and you’re lucky I’m giving you that. Marry me, be my wife, or work out in the field with me. Either way, you’re fucking mine now. Do you understand me. You're. Mine.”

He tilted her face upwards and gently brushed his lips over hers. The heat of his mouth and nearness of him started to make Zara's body inwardly tingle. “It won’t be all bad sweetheart. Imma good husband. I’ll treat you right.”

His lips pressed against the sensitive flesh of her neck and she put both hands agains his chest in an attempt to push him away. She realized how much of a mistake that was as soon as she touched him. His thin cotton shirt did little to mask his strong muscular chest and touching him sent a shock wave through the both of them. 

Negan’s lips crashed down into hers. Quickly parting her mouth he plunged his searching tongue into hers exploring the taste of her. At some point Zara gave in and eased into his kiss. He tasted like fresh peppermint and the stubble from his face sent shivers down her back. Matching his desire Zara found her own tongue slowly dip into his mouth. 

Sensing she'd given an inch Negan took a mile and hastily slipped his hands under her shirt. Feeling his corse hands lightly scrape over her smooth body she let out a small moan. Only when he reached down to adjust himself did Zara snap back into reality. 

Why was she so physically attracted to him Zara frantically thought! This man just killed someone in front of her.

With more force then she meant she pushed him away from her. Negan and Zara intensely locked eyes while trying to catch their breath.

“Be my wife,” Negan gently commanded. 

Gulping hard still breathless Zara whispered, “I’ll take the job.”

Gently kissing her once more Negan let out a sad sigh. 

“Yea,” nodding his head, “I figured you’d say as much. See, and that's why I like you so fucking much Zara. You don't take shit from just anyone. Fuck, we’re gonna have a great time you and me.” 

Abruptly turning around he gentlemanly extended his hand to her. Hand in hand they walked outside of his room. Distractedly looking around the room, Zara was in awe. The whole floor was just as luxurious as Negan’s bedroom was.

Seeing her reaction to the floor he winked, “think about it sweetheart.” Gesturing around the room he smugly replied, “Being my wife comes with a lotta perks.” 

With one hand Negan pushed the door open and quietly escorted Zara to the elevators.

“Think of me tonight darlin, I’ll be thinkin’ of you.”


	9. First Day on the Job

After eating breakfast in her room Zara quickly made her way to Negan and the saviors trucks. Everyone was in a haze still thinking about yesterday. Helping load up the days supplies she was immensely relieved that she hadn’t seen Negan thus far.

Seeing the stress on Zara’s face AJ reassuringly squeezed her shoulder. “Don’t trip girl, the rotters aren’t even that much of an issue. It’s the crazy scavenging fuckers you have to look out for.”

“Hey asshole I was a scavenger.” She said jabbing his side with her elbow. 

“See!” AJ jokingly turned to the crowd. “Crazy fuckers.” 

Once everyone started loading themselves into the trucks and military hummers Zara started making her way to AJ and Dallas. Before she could jump into the truck bed the driver popped his head out and yelled. “Hey lil thing you go in that car.” Nodding his head to one of the larger hummers.

The passenger side of the hummer had a large canvas cargo pack preventing her from fully sliding to the right, so she sat in the center seat instead. Panic set in when all of the cars started to leave. She nervously wondered if she was supposed to follow them. 

To her utter surprise Negan slid into the hummer, scooting beside her trapping her between him and the large cargo pack. Seeing the immediate annoyance and humor of her situation Negan let out a thunderous laugh.

“I can see you missed me,” He joked.

After passing through the gates Negan slung his heavy arm around Zara. Attempting to shrug him off, he tightened his grip and pulled her closer to his body. 

Knowing he had her trapped Zara relaxed into the seat. “I can’t imagine you sat with Christian like this.” 

Though she meant it as a playful jest, the mention of Christian immediately saddened her.  
Although Zara and Christian didn't know each other that well, she truly worried about Ivy and considered her a friend.

“Yea, that dead fucker wishes I held him like this.” Negan joked trying to lighten the mood. 

After driving in comfortable silence Negan, Zara and the other saviors managed to raid an abandoned pharmacy. Other than some medical wraps and bandages the day of scavenging proved useless. 

As late afternoon was approaching, the trucks and hummers pulled into a small embankment near a flowing creek. Everyone settled into their spots and began pulling from their own packs for lunch. Dallas offered her some of his food and in exchange she was looking for a small tangerine she'd saved to share with him.

Zara was seated with Dallas and AJ. She was a little disturbed by their apparent lack of sadness for Christian. In their eyes he knew what he was risking. She felt as though she was the only one that was disturbed by Negan’s insane rage. As they were in the middle of discussing Ivy’s involvement one of Negan’s more kiss ass saviors, Nick made his way to their group. 

With a smug grin Nick loudly shouted. “Negan wants you,” fake coughing for effect. “Sorry, Negan wants you to sit with him for lunch.”

Groaning Zara rolled her eyes in frustration and stood. Looking at his stupid face Zara annoyingly replied. “Nick, go fuck yourself. Don’t be an asshole.” 

Shoving past Nick it was impossible to walk to Negan with any sort of dignity. All eyes were on her and their knowing smirks really pissed her off. , _Hold your head high. It’s not like you’re fucking him._ She thought to herself. It didn’t help that she could practically feel all of the mens eyes plastered to her ass and tits. 

Far from the other groups Negan was comfortably sitting near a stream with his legs stretched out. His broad shoulders were propped against a thin tree trunk. He was studying her in silence. Once she reached him he gestured to the ground next to him inviting her to sit down. Sighing loudly she thumped to the floor.

Though she was relieved that he didn’t have the insane look in his eyes as he did yesterday. She still very much remembered it was only last night that he beat a mans head in, in front of his wife no less. 

“Did you really need to send Nick to come get me in front on everybody. You could have just told me to sit with you at lunch when we were in the car.”

Smiling devilishly Negan squeezed her knee. “But then how would everybody know you’re my best girl.”

She gently pulled his hand back, “I’m not your girl Negan. You have like, twelves wives.” Zara replied.

“Is that why you don’t want to marry me?” Negan smiled questioningly. “Because I have more than one wife? Cause you know if you marry me you’d be my number one lady. Easy.”

Ignoring him she reached into her pack searching for some almonds she’d saved from breakfast. Negan gestured to his container of food which was packed with hard salami, toast, cashews and two red apples. 

Zara snorted. “You really think I’m going to take anything from you. The last time I did that I had to work like two weeks to pay off my debt.” 

“Hey, we’re friends now. I like feeding you. I like the way you eat. I like watching your mouth. Plus I didn't like that fucker giving you food.”

Ignoring his food comment she tried to break the sexual tension. Panicked Zara said the first thing that popped into her head. “Well, that’s ... a weird thing to say.” With a cracking voice she added, “And stop looking at my mouth!”

They had a pleasant enough conversation, mostly talking about how she survived without tipping off his scavengers. After a few minutes Zara began to feel perfectly relaxed in his company. It never occurred to her that Negan knew exactly what he was doing. He wanted her to feel at ease and rather than have her associate him with his actions last night he was engaging her to learn more about her. For the first time he could see that her guard was some what down. 

As the men and women began to load themselves into their trucks Zara gave a few quick back and forth glances towards the saviors. She began eating her apple at a faster pace believing that her and Negan would shortly follow them. As the last of the trucks pulled away Zara started to eye Negan suspiciously. 

“Negan, why are we not leaving with everyone else?” Zara asked, unable to mask the panic in her voice. 

With a knowing smile Negan bit into the second apple and casually replied, “Because we’re sleeping in the look out tower tonight. It’s part of your new job.”

Angrily standing up Zara raised her voice. “Bullshit! Christian didn’t stay out here. Negan what the hell!”

Still acting nonchalantly Negan took another bite of his apple. “It’s part of the job. He did stay out here. All saviors spend the night if they have to travel farther than normal. It’s not my fault you chose to be out here alone with me overnight. You could have been sleeping in my warm bed.”

Roughly sitting back down while angrily crossing her arms Zara huffed. Unable to look at him she intentionally turned her head away while speaking in a mocking tone. “Yea. Sleeping in your warm bed with five other hags. Okay Hugh Heffner.”


	10. The Lookout Tower

By the time they made it to the lookout tower Zara was genuinely relieved. It was one thing to stay in the forrest by herself when she had her weapons, but she felt completely vulnerable to the elements. It was disorienting and scary not knowing where the hell she was.

Once the hummer stopped Zara looked up at the lookout tower. High above the ground the abandoned ranger station was lifted by tall metal tower legs. The building itself was constructed from fresh pine wood. If she had to guess it was probably 8ft by 10ft.

Zara had no problem climbing up the rails. Even with her large pack she still felt vulnerable so she was very grateful once she made it inside. There wasn’t much to the small room other than a queen size mattress on the floor next to a small kerosene lamp. There was one small window which was covered by a torn faded red curtain. And a small make shift shower curtain was hung strategically covering a small corner of the room. She assumed that was covering a make shift bathroom bucket. _Elegant,_ She sarcastically thought.

Once Negan entered the cabin he threw his pack to the floor. 

Huffing wildly he grumbled, “God damn, that’s always a fuckin bitch to clime.”

Zara couldn’t help but laugh at the sight of him. Feeling like a fat ass old man Negan straightened while sucking in his already fit belly. 

“So is this where you and Christian used to sleep all those night you stayed out here,” she playfully asked?

“Well no,” Negan paused still trying catching his breath. “I slept up here, I made him sleep outside.”

Zara’s mouth hung open. Looking out the small window she realized how high they were and how dark it was. No wonder Christian hated Negan, it was terrifying even thinking about climbing down to the hummer. The view from inside was absolutely beautiful though. Without electricity the sky was lit up by the stars. 

Negan cautiously stepped behind Zara and wrapped his strong arms around her. “It’s pretty overwhelming huh. Seeing the night sky like that. Knowing it’s just us two out here.”

Zara relaxed her body into his. For the moment she let herself enjoy the view, and his embrace. Peacefully smiling out the window she dreamily replied, “Just because I’m going along with all of this without complaining, doesn’t mean I’m gonna fuck you.”

Negan slowly turned her so she faced him. Staring down at her he quietly spoke, “I wouldn’t think of it.” 

Negan pressed his lips gently to hers, entangling his hand within her hair pressing her head more firmly to him. For a moment their lips tenderly pressed together, first softly then with great eagerness. Their bodies melted together with impatient lust. 

Reluctenly pulling herself away from his chest Zara let out a frustrated breath. “Negan, you’re insane.” At that point Zara was speaking more to herself than him.

Negan let out a small laugh. “Don’t deny yourself Zara. I know you feel it. This thing between us. This isn’t a world where we have many opportunities to deny somethin’ so fucking good. It’s right.”

As he kissed the nape of her neck he felt her shiver with need. 

“You’re gonna get sick of me the moment we’re done. I’m just a new play thing to you.” Zara said matter of factly as she let him grope her body.

Negan roughly squeezed her buttocks and buried his face in her chest. “No darlin. That’s the last fuckin’ thing you are.”

Negan’s hands shakengly pulled at the bottoms of her jeans and Zara slowly pushed his hands away. 

Loudly groaning with frustration, Negan ran his hands through his hair. “Okay fine. Have it your way. I can wait.” Exhaling loudly he murmured. “You’re only prolonging the inevitable. You and I both know that darlin.”

Pulling away from each other they both began to unpack their gear in frustrated silence. After spending thirty minutes eating they both began to wind down for sleep. Just as Zara was about to get ready for bed she took a large swig from her thermos. The cap loosely popped off dowsing her in cold water. 

“Fuck!” She shouted completely surprised.

Negan laughed so hard that she had to cover his mouth with her hand. “Negan shut up! I don’t want to die up here. Don’t make so much noise.” She playfully slapped his hand away when he reached for her.

He affecinetly hugged her and pulled a long sleeve thermal from his side of the bed. “Can’t wear wet cloths all night. Strip buttercup!” 

“You asshole! Did you unscrew my thermos?” She questioned as she pushed him to the side. "You know I would've had proper sleeping cloths if you'd told me I'd be spending the night."

That only caused him to laugh louder than he did before. 

Without giving him too much of a peep show Zara was able to take off her wet bra and shirt under his large black thermal. She felt so stupid as she pulled down her wet pants. Had she any idea that she’d be spending the night alone with him she would've worn some less salacious underwear. 

Once Negan got a good look at her black lace bikini cut panties he smiled from ear to ear. “I see you’ve finally bought something with your points. I was starting to think you only ever bought food, soap and scotch.”

As she hung up her wet cloths she smiled, “Well that’s not completely far off. I’m trying to save up for a katana.”

“Why the hell would you want a katana when you could have a bat,” he joked.

Throwing the miss matched comforters and sleeping bags over, Negan ran his hand down her side of the bed. “Come get warm.” 

Had he said that with anything other than concern Zara might have cussed him out. But he could see that she had started to get seriously chilled. 

After a minute or two of adjusting themselves they finally settled into bed. He spooned her tightly with one large leg thrown over hers. As the minutes ticked by in silence Zara’s mind began to wonder why she was denying herself. It was true that they had some kind of crazy spark between them. But she was also afraid of how much authority he had. Some of his followers were truly enthralled by him. _Would I really be such a monster if I slept with him? Yes. Yes I would._ She thought to herself. _I’m not planning on staying at the sanctuary for much longer anyways. And I know he just wants what he hasn’t had. I’ll probably have more freedom once he’s not so fixated on fucking._ Zara could tell she was pulling excuses out of her ass. If she was truly honest with herself she would have seen that she wanted him almost as much as he wanted her. 

She shifted her hips for comfort and immediately felt his large member pressed firmly against her cheeks. Letting out a loud audible sigh Zara shoved his leg off of her and turned around to face him. 

Embarrassed, she buried her face into the warmth of his neck and spoke into his chest. “Don’t treat me like one of your wives Negan. I don’t need people seeing me get special treatment just because I’m fucking you.” 

Negan lifted her chin bringing her face extremely close to his. With fake surprise he snickered. “You’re fucking me!” 

Zara slowly ran her hand down his abdomen. He sucked in his breath when she slid her hand over his erection. “Negan,” she said softly still caressing him, “Shut up.”


	11. Hooked

Shoving his fingers into her thick, long hair, Negan eagerly rolled her onto her back. “About fucking time,” he groaned hoarsely. 

Zara lifted her legs grasping tightly to his hips. Negan almost lost control when he felt her smooth naked legs against his scarred hard body. She felt his body jerk with excitement. “Oh fuck Zara! This might go fast! I’ve wanted you from the fucking moment I saw you,” he groaned.

Hearing Negan’s voice was the last thing Zara wanted. She still felt like he was a psychopath but she couldn’t deny the intense sexual attraction she had for him. _God I’m so fucked up,_ she thought. _Ivy’s going to hate me for this!_  
Whatever reservations Zara still had were quickly forgotten. Negan definitely knew what he was doing and he knew better than to give her time to think.

Pulling himself up he laid his large hands on her waist. Slowing down to enjoy the view Negan gently began to lift her thermal. Once he raised it to her ribcage he lost his patience and ripped his shirt off her. Looking up from the mattress Zara felt a ping of fear shoot through her. For a split moment she saw the crazed look in his eyes that she’d seen the night before. 

He lowered himself to her collar bone and began to taste her. When his mouth went to her breast she let out a small moan of surprised pleasure. Negan hungrily closed his mouth around her nipple, teasing and taunting her with skillful caresses. His right hand began to make its way to her swollen sex. Every calculated brush of his hands made her feel like her skin was on fire. 

He lightly rubbed her from the outside of her panties and she arched her back with anticipation. He pulled at her panties, ripping them off harshly when he couldn’t smoothly pull them down. Running her hands through his thick corse hair she pulled hard when he began to caress her clitorus.

“Oh my God, Negan!” She groaned with intense pleasure. Feeling the hoarseness of her voice vibrate against his chest affected Negan more strongly than he’d ever care to admit. She had already pleased him more than all of his wives by responding to his touches with true attraction rather than fear. She was just as dominant with him as ever, moving her hips and arching with his touch. In that moment he knew she wouldn’t be shy about what she liked and didn’t like. _Fuck this is going to be amazing,_ Negan frantically thought to himself. 

He lifted his head from her chest and she hastily pulled his face to hers and hungrily kissed him. While continuing to paw at each other they both quickly worked together to take off his shirt and pull down his boxer briefs. Zara didn’t even get the chance to look at his nakedness because he couldn’t wait a moment sooner. 

His large corse fingers gently parted her and Negan slid into her wet warmth. Thrusting hard, they both let out a small sound of pleasure. Her hands were clutching at his back as she held onto his hips tightly with her thighs. 

He slowly withdrew from her and began thrusting forward and back again and again, entering her deeper and deeper each time. Finding their rhythm Negan could feel himself begin to loose control. Sensing he was close to climax Zara tightened her hold on his hips and swiftly rolled him over, still holding him inside her. 

Dazed Negan began to sit up and Zara pushed him hard onto the mattress. He watched as she sat up, straightening her body. She began to grind herself into him. Fluidly moving with her he held her hips with his hands. She circled her hips against his and threw her head back with satisfaction. It was as if they were both fighting to see who could hold out the longest. He roughly squeezed her backside and they both rhythmically began to thrust harder and faster. Feeling her body begin to tighten Negan felt her warmth and for a split second he felt like the heat from her would burn him.

Once he felt her thighs begin to tremble he readied himself for his own release. Clenching against each other they both let out moans of pleasure. Unwilling to give in first Zara frantically moaned, “Negan!” Hearing his name spill from her lips Negan couldn’t contain himself any longer. To his horror he began to feel himself release. 

She felt the amazing sensation of his body violently throbbing into her as his warmth burst inside her. She clamped her thighs to him and let herself achieve climax. 

Rolling off of him they laid side by side, breathless with fulfillment.

A few minutes later Zara came back from the makeshift bathroom and plopped herself onto the mattress. Exhausted, she let Negan man handle her body so that her head was cradled to his chest. Without saying a word between them, she fell blissfully asleep the moment she found a comfortable position.

After a few more minutes of silence Negan’s eyes flickered open. Surprisingly, Negan found himself staring at the ceiling. He was replaying all the moments he’d had with Zara in his head. She truly captivated him. The realization of how much he cared for her troubled him. _Fuck. I Shouldn’t have given her any other options about becoming a wife,_ he thought. Although he loved having her at arms reach, he didn’t like seeing her in the field, especially with his men. He couldn’t believe the pleasure she’d given him. For a moment he found himself wondering how many men she’d been with before him. Anger bubbled up inside him thinking of any other man touching her. He debated if the sex was so amazing because he’d waited so long to have her or because she wasn’t afraid to take charge. Either way, in that moment, he knew that he would move hell and back to keep her. Contently smiling into her hair he thought to himself, _She’s mine now._


	12. The Morning After

By the time Negan woke up, Zara was already knotting her boots. _Damn, I didn’t even hear her,_ he thought. He lazily put his hands behind his head, “Hey darlin.”

“Hey,” she reluctantly replied.

Awkward silence filled the small room. After a few moments, they made eye contact and began to laugh.

“So whats the plan today?” She asked, no longer worried about any weird tension between them. 

Sitting up he began to dress himself. “I have a few houses I wanna check out. I wasn’t able to get to them the last time I was there.” Without moving his head, he stealthily looked at her. “Well, if we find something good today we may only need to stay out here another day or two.”

Zara almost choked! Negan couldn’t contain himself and threw back his head laughing.

After sharing a small piece of dried fruit they hit the road and made their way to an abandoned suburban neighborhood. After raiding two houses the hummer was almost full with supplies. Negan was a little offended at how hard Zara was working so they wouldn’t spend the night again. 

It was still early morning so they decided to check a third house to see if there was anything salvageable inside. 

After clearing the house he went looking for hidden weapons. Zara felt like she was starving, so she went to the kitchen in hopes that she’d find some food before Negan took it from her. _I should have packed more food,_ she thought. _I think my stomach’s eating itself. Maybe I can find something to eat without him seeing._ Rolling her eyes to herself, _I hate when feeds me. Of course no one told me to pack more food._ She huffed to herself, _now I have to rely on his arrogant ass. AJ and Dallas better not have known i'd be spending the night._ Her eyes narrowed in deep thought. _Oh God! Was that why Dallas offered me food yesterday._

Abruptly stopping, she closed her eyes at the thought that everyone knew she’d spent the night with Negan. _They all knew! Ugh! That’s why that driver told me to go in Negan’s car! Because he knew already._ She was horrified at the thought. Looking down she felt her face heat with embarrassment. _I wonder what AJ thinks?_ That thought snapped her out of her daze. Hastily making her way to the kitchen she quietly groaned, “What the fuck do I care what that idiot thinks?”

Negan walked into the kitchen with the intention of telling Zara they needed to head back to the sanctuary. He watched as she reached high into the kitchen cabinets, pulling out canned food. He quietly admired her figure. Walking up behind her he flatly placed his hands on either side of her, trapping her in the nook of the short counter. Pressing himself into her backside he leaned in and began kissing her neckline. 

She paused, with a can in her hand, as if making up her mind whether she’d stop him or not. Negan’s right hand quickly began creeping up her shirt.

He trailed his fingertips over her rib cage and heard her roughly inhale. When she felt his hot breath on her neck it gave her chills. His lips and stubble pressed into her and she felt herself become wet. 

After unbuttoning her pants from behind Negan quickly turned her around. Forcefully pulling her pants down, Negan was pleasantly surprised to see she wasn’t wearing her black panties. “Oh fuck! What a nice surprise,” he laughed. 

With both hands he lifted her harshly onto the counter. He frantically unzipped his own pants and pulled himself free. Knowing he’d be entering her harshly, Negan quickly licked the palm of his hand and wet his hard shaft. Painfully squeezing her butt Negan roughly pushed his way inside her. He was immediately pleased at how amazing she felt. She was just as aroused as he had been. 

As he was forcefully bucking his hips into hers, he pulled her closer to him. It wasn’t enough to be inside her but he needed to hold her close to him. Zara began moving her own sex into his pushing him deeper inside her. “Oh God Zara,” he grunted. Her arms wrapped around his broad shoulders. Although she felt pain, he was also giving her extreme pleasure. Zara couldn’t contain herself any longer and grabbed his large hand, covering her mouth with it. She let out a loud muffled shriek of pleasure. 

With each thrust, his pubic hair began scraping at her clit and she felt herself begin to peak. She screamed with euphoria. Negan thrust hard into her and held her tightly to his body as he released into her. 

His large hands powerfully held her head tightly to his chest. As he held her firmly to him, he lowered his head and began harshly breathing into her hair. Zara tried pawing at him so she could breath but he was effectively suffocating her. She frantically tried to pull away from him and felt her body begin to go limp. She was on the cusp of passing out before he loosened his grip on her. Zara loudly gasped for air. She would have hit him or yelled but her protests immediately died when she looked up into his face. The intensity of his stare unnerved her and she began to feel very unsafe. 

She attempted to hold him at arms length, but he forcefully held her in his arms. He held her to him a lot longer than she was comfortable with. After a few moments she felt his body relax and he released her. He began to casually pull up his pants. “God Damn darlin, I can’t fuckin’ get enough of you,” he said in amazement.

Zara jumped off the counter and immediately knew she’d be sore the next day. When she was a young child she was sent to therapy for pulling her hair. She usually got the urge when her parents were on deployment. The pain it caused oddly calmed her. So she didn’t mind Negan’s roughness during sex, it actually felt very therapeutic. It was when he was being tender with her that she felt uneasy. 

“Looks like you found us a special treat,” she heard him say. Her eyes darted to the large can of cubed pineapples sitting on the counter beside her. _Damnit! I was going to save that for later,_ she thought. Begrudgingly, she handed him the can. He grabbed her forearm and pulled her to him, kissing her tenderly on the mouth. 

With a happy sigh Negan spoke, “We gotta get back to the sanctuary if we want to make it there before lunch.”

Zara’s eyes widened. “Before lunch? I thought we were hours away? If we’re that close then why the hell did we drive around all night? And why the fuck did we need to spend the night?” she questioned. 

Negan’s loud obnoxious laugh echoed throughout the empty house.


	13. The Warm Welcome

Once they arrived back at the sanctuary, Negan stalled, waiting for the gates to open. Zara was surprised to see such a large gathering of saviors crowded behind the gate when they arrived. At first she thought there might have been an emergency but the look on Negan’s face told her otherwise. _Did he want them here so they would see us together,_ she wondered? 

“What the fuck Negan,” She said angrily. “Why did you need so many people to meet us at the gate?”

With a knowing smile he exited the hummer, “Don’t sell yourself short sweetheart, I just saw how hard you worked this morning to fill this baby.” He said as he patted the roof of his hummer. 

Huffing hard Zara set her shoulders back and prepared to face everyone with as much dignity as she could muster. Negan was grinning from ear to ear. _That bastard,_ she thought. When she stepped out of the hummer and began to walk away from him, he grabbed her forearm, pulling her back to him. Kissing her fiercely Negan made it clear to everyone that Zara was officially hands off. 

She didn’t feel much shame walking past the crowds. If anything, her thoughts were making her laugh. _Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, and fuck you,_ she thought making eye contact with the people that were staring at her. 

It wasn’t until she was nearing Dallas and Aj that she began to feel nervous. _I don’t think they saw Negan kiss me,_ she thought. _Okay, relax. Breath. God, why am I so nervous?_

She walked up to them and nobody said a word. They all made eye contact with each other than looked down. Zara’s heart sank. _They hate me for what I did._

“So,” Dallas said, with a long tense pause, “Kate wants to fuck our boy Aj.” Both of their heads snapped to Dallas and they all burst out laughing. “What!” Zara snorted. 

“Yeah! You should have seen her Z. She wants the slob kabob,” Aj said with a cocky smile. “If she wasn’t such a fuckin’ nut I’d seriously consider it.” 

“She’s not a nut. She’s just,” Zara struggled for the right words, “kooky.” 

Zara met Kate on her second day at the sanctuary. She was one of the few female saviors. She was also loud, obnoxious, and oblivious about invading peoples personal space. She had an annoying habit of talking with a baby voice. But if they looked past those flaws she was actually very pretty. She had beautifully long espresso colored hair and vary fair skin. The men thought her facial features were weird, but Zara thought she was beautiful. 

“Well,” Aj joked, “she may be kinda cute but can you imagine her voice screaming my name. AaaaaaJaaaaayyy,” he badly impersonated. Zara laughed and shoved him in the chest, “don’t be mean!” 

“Oh hey,” Dallas cut in, “thought you’d wanna know, Ivy’s not in the hole anymore.” Zara’s face dropped. “Really! Well what did they do to her? Where are they keeping her?”

Dallas and Aj looked at one another and turned their heads to her with sad expressions. “She’s working in the fifth floor,” Aj said.

Zara’s eyes went big, “What! He made her a wife!”

“No, no,” Dallas explained putting his hands up. “She’s Negan’s own personal maid now. And I think, she might be the wives maid too.”

“…Oh.” Zara didn’t really know what more to say. She felt very uncomfortable talking about Negan. 

Trying to lighten the mood Aj joked, “God, imagine what that place must be like when they’re all on the rag.”

Zara and Dallas simultaneously groaned. “Oh my God, Aj, you truly are a pig,” Zara laughed. 

The boys faces were wiped clean of amusement. Zara felt Negan’s large arm drape over her shoulders. She tried to push him off but he painfully held her in place, visably digging his fingers into her arm.

“Well hello boys,” he happily said. They both waved their hands and gave him an awkward hello. She could feel her face turning red. “Did you guys have a good night off?” Negan arrogantly asked. 

“Uh, yea,” replied Dallas, he looked over to Aj. Awkwardly nodding in agreement Aj added, “Yeah. We got pretty shit faced last night. Thanks for the night off.”

Zara questioningly looked up at Negan. “Oh yeah,” He said with a shit eating grin, “I gave everybody the night off last night.” _MOTHER FUCKER!_ Zara hectically thought. _So everybody was at the bar except for me and Negan. Great! I bet his fucking wives were there too! Godamit! He fucking set this all up!_

“I think we all needed to blow off a little steam,” He looked up making direct eye contact with Dallas. “Right Zara, we needed to blow off some steam.” He squeezed her shoulders when her body stiffened. Aj continued to angrily look at the floor. 

Making no attempt to hide her rage she looked up at Negan, “Was there something you wanted.”

Knowing he’d won that round he bent down and kissed Zara roughly. Making his point clear he let go of her shoulders and roughly pulled her face to his. He visibly plunged his tongue into her mouth in a gross display of power. After an uncomfortable amount of time he lifted his lips from hers. 

He gently tapped the tip of her nose, smiled, nodded his head at the boys and abruptly left. _Son of a bitch,_ she angrily thought, as he walked away. 

With her head down she lifted her eyes to the guys. Dallas was giving her a sad sympathetic look and Aj was still looking down at the floor. She wan’t able to read his expression but she could practically feel his rage. 

Aj grunted loudly, “I’m gonna grab somethin’ to eat.” For a brief second he made eye contact with her and angrily turned away.

With her shoulders slumped she looked at Dallas. “So,” with a sad pause, “Does, does he hate me now?”

Dallas sympathetically put his hand on her shoulder. “Naw, he just, he’s always been overly sensitive. Don’t take it personally.”

She gave him a quizzical look. “Always? How long have you two known each other?”

Without a destination, they turned and started walking. 

“Would you be surprised if I told you we’ve known each other since we were boys?” He playfully asked.

“WHAT!” Zara’s face lit up. “How did I not know this? Tell me everything!”

He laughed, “Ya, nobody talks about their past anymore.” He looked down for a brief second then smiled. “We were always an odd pair to look at. My older brother and his sister were childhood sweethearts. Our parents were old fashioned so they never let them go anywhere unchaperoned. So, me and him just kinda, started hanging out all the time.” Smiling to himself he added, “ yeah, if you can imagine it, that asshole thew me my bachelor party.”

Her smile dropped when she saw his body tense up. His face momentarily twisted. _I didn’t know he was married,_ she thought. She wondered if his wife was still alive but his expression left her feeling grim. Trying to cheer him up Zara quickly changed the subject. 

“Your poor mothers,” she playfully jested.

“Oh no, me and Aj were straight up mamas boys. It was our older siblings that mostly got the brunt of our pranks.” Loudly laughing he told her several stories of their youth. Once they made it to the cafeteria Zara hesitated to go in. 

Gulping hard she walked through the entrance. Though many eyes were on her she was oblivious to their stares. She immediately spotted Aj sitting by himself looking pissed. 

Turning to Dallas she said, “you know, I think I’m kinda tired. Think I’m gonna skip lunch and just head to bed.”

They both turned to the stairs. “You do know that they moved you right?” Seeing her confused expression Dallas explained, “Ya, last night they moved all your stuff to Christians old room.”

“What! Well where the hell do I sleep now?” She said in shock. 

Dallas couldn’t have smiled bigger, “your rooms in between mine and Aj’s.” Nodding his head to the side he added, “at least there’s that.”

Looking both relieved and worried Zara absently repeated, “ya, at least there’s that.”

After a quick shower Zara walked to her room wrapped in her towel. She opened the door to find all of her belongings piled on top of a queen size bed. _Oh fuck yeah!_ She thought, as she jumped into the mattress. Too lazy to unpack, she thew on her cloths and quickly pushed everything off the bed. She spread herself over the mattress. 

Thinking about how she ended up in that exact place Zara began to reflect on her past. She thought of her parents, and grandpa. How they would be proud of her for staying headstrong. She thought of her old friends and old life back in California. She thought about her time in the woods and how strong it made her. She began to think of Negan but it became too confusing and she quickly pushed him from her mind. In silence she thought of Aj and how he looked at her when Negan had kissed her. 

_He looked disgusted,_ she thought. She felt a lump in her throat and turned to her side. She rationalized her hurt feelings for Aj. _I only have two real friends in the world. If Aj hates me would Dallas stop talking to me too? I don't want to be alone again,_ she sadly thought to herself. Blinking rapidly she was genuinely surprised when she began to cry. Pulling her knees up to her body she exhaled, and cried herself to sleep.


	14. Beers and Burdens

With her eyes closed Zara stretched out her legs. Still groggy from her nap, she felt a shirt roughly hit her face.

“Sleep well?” Negan asked, casually leaning into the corner of her room. 

Sighing loudly, Zara opened her eyes.

He smiled warmly at her. “I was gonna slip into bed with you, but then I remembered the last time I woke you up.” He angled his arm so she could see the cut she’d caused.

Smiling to herself, she teased.  
“God Negan, do you ever wear anything different?”

He looked down at his white cotton shirt. “I’m a creature of habit baby,” he said with a wicked smile. He walked to her and threw himself on the other side of her bed.

“Well hell, I could sleep on this,” he said as he propped his feet up and shimmied into the mattress.

She lazily pushed him away with her hands, “Get out. Don’t you already have a whole floor to yourself.” He reached around her waist and nibbled at her shoulder.

His walkie talkie sprang to life and she heard Nick’s voice on the other end. “Sir, uh, we uh, I know you said not to bother you, uh, but we got a situation that I think might need your attention.”

Negan was furious. Angrily pulling the walkie to his lips he sputtered, “Okay, Nick, this better need my fucking attention.”

He sat up and leaned over Zara, searching her face for a long moment.

“What,” she said self consciously reaching to her mouth. 

“No, nothing. I was just debating if I should bring you with me or not,” he pondered aloud.

Rubbing the sleepiness from her eyes, she asked, “Are you going into the forrest?”

“Probably,” he quickly said.

She turned her face into his arm. “Then I don’t wanna go with you.”

He let out a roaring laugh. “Sweetheart, if you think I’m only gonna fuck you in the forrest, you got some big surprises comin’ your way.”

His walkie talkie clicked with static and he cursed. Leaning down, he fiercely kissed her. “Think of me while I’m gone baby,” he seductively said and abruptly left.

Zara lazily stayed in bed for thirty more minutes. When she finally did bring herself to leave her room she immediately ran into Dallas, who was making his way to the showers.

“Hey! You’re here,” he said.

“Why do you sound surprised?” she asked. 

“Oh shit, do you not know? Negan left with all his kiss ass saviors. You know, the snitches, ” He grinned, “we’re gonna go to the bar and get shit faced. You should go.”

“I’ll think about it,” she said as she turned to leave.

After getting some food in her, she slowly made her way to the bar.

Apparently everyone else had the same idea as Dallas because the bar, cafeteria and patio were all filled with people happily drinking.

As she made her way to the bartender, several eyes watched her. Seeing how many people were enjoying themselves while Negan was gone somehow made her feel guilty. Negan was a lot of things, but she did actually enjoy his company. _So this is the sanctuary without Negan,_ she thought to herself. 

Waiting on her beers she turned and saw one of Negan’s wives intently staring at her. Her mid length hair was platinum blonde which made her long thick black eyelashes stand out. If she hadn’t been giving her a weird look, Zara might have commented on how stunning she was. _Man, she’s really making me feel like shit ,_ Zara thought. With two large tall cans of beer in hand, she turned and made her way outside to a secluded uneven metal table. She quickly downed her first beer. “Oh my God,” she said to herself. _This beer taste like shit!_

“It’s not that bad,” she heard Aj say from behind her. He reluctantly dragged a chair to her table and sat down. For a few moments they both stayed silent.

Aj cleared his throat. “Hey uh, I wanted to apologize for earlier. I’m sorry. I’m sorry if I made you feel shitty about anything. That guy just puts me in a bad ass mood.” He roughly ran his hands threw his thick dirty blonde hair. "I don’t like when he’s around me. I don’t know how you can even stand him?”

“It’s not like he gives me much choice in the matter Aj,” she replied. She quickly looked down because she knew that was only a half truth. 

“Well, anyways, Z i’m sorry.” He smiled at her like a guilty little boy.

She playfully pushed his face away. Picking up her remaining beer they cheers’d and raced to see who could finish first. 

Slamming their cans down they laughed, almost knocking over their wobbly table. 

“So I have some questions for you,” she said sloppily wiping her mouth with her arm.

Aj’s eyes sparkled at her and he laughed, “Is your ass drunk already?”

“No… I don’t know, I don’t drink as often as you and Dallas.” She said, straightening her posture in a feeble attempt to appear sober.

“So,” he said, attempting to relax in his uncomfortable chair. “What’d you wanna ask?”

“Um, I don’t know, like, why didn’t you ever tell me you and Dallas were friends? Before all tis I mean.” She cleared her throat, “ I mean, this.”

“Oh,” still focused on his chair he nonchalantly replied, “don’t know, it never came up in conversation. We’ve never really talked about personal stuff before.”

“Okay, well for one thing, how the hell old are both of you?” 

Before he could answer Dallas walked behind her and carefully placed a large metal pizza tray on the table. It was full of mismatched cold beer cans. “Sorry,” he said before they could complain, “It’s all that I could get in one trip.” 

Walking around the table he sat down in front of them, “don’t let Aj’s old ass face confuse you. We’re still young.”

She laughed harder then Dallas expected she would, making him snort with laughter. Aj’s face looked wounded and that made them laugh even louder.

“Okay, he wasn’t that funny. And for your information i’m only thirty seven,” Aj said defensively. “How old are you,” he questioned in a mocking tone.

Wiping tears from her eyes she smiled, “Twenty eight.”

Aj angrily crossed his arms. “Damnit.” 

Within a few hours everyone was wasted. It didn’t help that food was always scarce, so many people were drinking on empty stomachs. Zara hadn’t had this much fun in years. She hadn’t had this much alcohol either. 

She had been drinking with Dallas and Aj for an hour but things took an interesting turn when Kate sat down with them. Aj was completely annoyed with her presence, which made Dallas’s night. He was getting a kick out of Aj’s discomfort. 

Despite what the boys thought about Kate, Zara enjoyed her company. The only thing that really bothered her was Kate’s lack of personal space. Zara didn’t mind it much tonight though because Kate’s attention was exclusively focused on Aj. She had been hanging on him for the past two hours.

Dallas slung his arm around her shoulder and whispered in Zara’s ear, “so what’s your bet, s’he gonna pork her or no?” Making eye contact with Aj, he shot her an angry look. Turning to Dallas she whispered back, “two beers says no.” 

Sitting up he shook her hand and laughed, “Deal! You definitely don’t have the mind of a man.” He left them to go talk to Ivy.

Zara sloppily hiccuped, “Guys, I think i’m gonna head to my room.” She giggled, “before I start seeing double.” Hiccuping again she laughed, “or triple.” 

The moment she stood up Aj saw his opportunity for escape and eagerly jumped up too. “Oh shit! I’m sorry Kate, I completely forgot that Negan wanted me to speak to Z about something. I’d invite you along but,” he frantically looked around, “ he wasn’t that clear on who I could share the info with.” Kate looked disappointed. 

Aj hurriedly pushed Zara outside. Once he found a secluded area he gave Zara a hard shove pushing her away from him. “You guy’s are assholes!” 

She tried hiding her laughter until her eyes began to water. “I’m sorry,” she finally spat out. After a few moments of silence she said, “but I like Kate!” She began to laugh again, then quickly covered her mouth with both hands when Aj gave her a death glare. 

As retaliation, he pushed her into a bush but she held tightly to his shirt, causing them both to fall in. They couldn’t even breath they were laughing so hard. Zara sounded like she was making hissing noises which made Aj snort with mirth. 

Still laying slighting on top of her he put his head on her shoulder. “Oh God, I can’t fucking breath. My sides!” Zara put one hand on his chest and cackled, “oh my face hurts! I can’t smile anymore! Stop Aj!”

She was finally able to catch her breath and she wiggled under him. “Ow!” Reaching under her butt she said, “I think I landed on a stick!” 

His body began to shake with amusement and he leaned on his elbows to look down at her.

The friendly vibe between them immediately shifted. He was much closer to her face than he though he’d be. They could feel each others breath on one another and Aj looked down at her swollen lips. She was suddenly very aware of the fact that one of her breasts was pushing firmly against his hard chest. The silence between them was unnerving. The only sounds were that of Zara and Aj breathing heavily. 

He quickly lifted himself off of her and turned to adjust his erection. She was thankful that he didn’t offer her a hand up because she needed a moment to compose herself. She stood up and awkwardly dusted the leaves and dirt off her pants. 

“I’m gonna kick Dallas’s ass,” she heard him say. She smiled, _he always knows how to put me at ease,_ she thought. 

When she turned around to look at him, his eyes were filled with desire. He swiftly pushed her to the wall and put his hand on her waist, while burring his other in her hair. 

_FUCK!_ She thought. 

He paused a second before quietly whispering, “fuck!”

She was surprised when his lips gently touched hers, his kiss wasn’t rough but tender. Their lips entwined and they sighed into each other. They turned their faces in the opposite direction and Aj began exploring her mouth with his tongue. His hand was softly caressing her head to his and she pushed her body closer to him. Her own hands began exploring his torso. She inhaled hard taking in his unique scent. They must have kissed for two solid minutes but it felt like two seconds to them. 

They both sensed the danger they were putting themselves in and simultaneously pulled away from each other. Zara braced herself against the wall and Aj frantically covered his mouth with his hand and began walking away from her. He quickly turned back to her with every intention of kissing her again.

Before he could fully reach her she put her hand on his chest and held him at bay. “We can’t,” she simply said. Still standing within inches of her he looked deeply into her eyes. In a dreamy voice he replied, “no, I know, Negan would kill me.” She swallowed hard, “he would kill us.”

Taking a few steps back Aj shook his head as if he could shake away his thoughts. “We’re both really drunk. I think you should go to bed,” he flatly said. Zara didn’t know what to say to him so she hastily turned and speed walked to the showers.

After taking a freezing wash she was disappointed when it didn’t sober her up. She actually started to feel more drunk than she was before. _Ugh, I think the dark beer is starting to hit me,_ she thought to herself. 

Right as she was about to turn the knob on her room she paused. She distinctly heard Kate’s shrill voice screaming from Aj’s room. Her eyes widened with the realization that they were fucking and she slammed her door closed. She lay in bed over analyzing what transpired between them. Despite being hurt that Aj was having sex with someone she couldn’t help but smile when Kate began to wail Aj’s name. 

She found it less funny when she realized she could hear his grunts as well. After a long while Kate yelled “AaaaaaJaaay,” with a high pitched screech. She heard Dallas bang on her wall a few seconds after and she let out a weak laugh. 

Her door loudly banged open and Negan was standing in her doorway looking upset.


	15. Sleepover

Zara’s face paled. She was too petrified to speak. 

Negan’s face twisted, “What’s wrong?”

She stuttered, “nothing, I…I, you looked mad.”

Mistaking what she meant, he smiled devilishly at her, “so you DO care about me!” Slamming the door, he jumped over her, landing onto her bed. “God I fucking missed you,” he said, throwing his body over hers. 

Pushing him off of her she loudly screeched, “Negan! Why are you here? Go sleep on your floor.” 

Grabbing her ass he said, “why, is principle going to catch us?” 

He playfully walked his fingers over her crotch. Reacting to his touch, her body jumped into the air. “NEGAN!” She shouted. She quickly covered her mouth. She suddenly remembered she could hear Aj and Dallas threw the thin walls. _If I can hear them, they can probably hear me,_ she thought. She lowered her voice. “Negan, stop! This makes me look bad.” She gave him a hard shrug, “go to your wives.”

“How does satisfying me make you look bad,” he asked?

His smile widened, “are you drunk?”

Putting her face to his chest so he couldn’t see her, she mumbled, “no.” She tried to push him off of her bed but he rubbed his thumbs against her inner thighs and they began to twitch in response. 

With a gleeful smile he happily sighed. “I bet you’re a feisty lush too.” She pulled at his shirt and when he wouldn’t budge she angrily looked into his eye’s. 

He began to pull her shorts down and her hand tried desperately to stop him.

“Negan,” she said frantically trying to think of a good excuse, “I’m still sore from this morning!”

Thinking to himself, he smiled mischievously and rolled a string of her damp hair in his fingers. “Sore huh,” he said naughtily. “You just take a shower.” he asked?

With one hand he held both her hands by the wrist and with the other he began to gently graze her sex. She weakly tried to resist but she had even less control over her body than normal. She was still pretty drunk. 

Eagerly, he scooted off of the mattress and crouched at the foot of her bed. With his free hand he hastily he pulled her shorts and panties down and threw them to the door. While she was looking at the door he quickly grabbed her pillows, blanket and anything else within her reach and threw them as well. 

“Negan? Wha…” She trailed off as he positioned his hand under her naked ass. He was tasting her before she even realized what he meant to do.

She felt the heat of his mouth first. Her reflex was to try to buck him off but he pinned her to the bed with his arms. His hot tongue scratched at her bean and she let out a harsh moan. She panicked and looked around for something, anything to muffle her cries. He held tightly to her wrists. 

She threw back her head and stifled a groan. He moved the tip of his tongue back and forth, taking care to increase his pressure. She yanked for her hands, with no success and began to whimper. “Oh God, stop! No. Uh, no don’t stop,” she choked. “No stop,” she said with confusion. 

He began to roll his tongue causing her to purr with pleasure. He looked up at her and the stubble from his face skimmed her delicate skin. Her back teased up and she arched, silently begging him to continue.

He smiled, “say my name.” When she vigorously shook her head he kissed her inner thighs. “Say it for me baby,” he cooed. 

He burred his face into her and raised his chin. “Say it!” He commanded before gently sucking her clit and sliding his finger inside her. He began to rub her spongy g-spot. With no fight left in her she cried out in ecstasy. “Oh God, Oh God, Negan. Okay, Negan. Stop! I said it, Negan. Oh God stop!” Her body violently shook as she came. 

Catching her breath, she helplessly laid on the bed. Negan saw her thighs twitching and he gently rubbed them. “Damn you’re so fucking sweet,” he purred. 

“Don’t touch me!” She hissed at him as she sloppily pushed his hands away from her thighs. She grabbed for her balled up panties and hastily put them on. “Is that why you put me on the fourth floor? So every fucking savior can hear you!” When she realized he wouldn’t let her leave the bed she turned away from him. Uninhibited by the alcohol she freely spoke to him without fear. “Do you know how embarrassing it is to have my best friends hear me screaming your name?”

Insulted that she brought them into the conversation, he swiftly grabbed her throat, “Do you think I give a fuck about them?” He was quivering with rage. “I don’t give two flying jack fucks if they hear you. In fact, I might just fuck you in the fucking cafeteria if you’re so worried about them hearing you.” 

In that moment, Zara was very much afraid of him, and he knew it. She set her jaw and looked him in the eyes, “go fuck yourself! And while you’re at it, go back to your fucking room Negan.” 

Looking down at her he couldn’t help but admire her gusto. Anger left his face and he smiled at her. He roughly turned her to her side and tightly spooned her body. After a minuet or two of silence he gave her body a squeeze he added, “I’m gonna fucking stay here whether you fucking like it or not. Don’t make me drag your ass to my bed.”

Negan was waiting for her to struggle against him so he relaxed his grip when she did not. He looked down at her and she was already fast asleep. Shaking his head, he laid his head down next to hers and muttered, “stubborn ass woman.”


	16. The One on One

Zara felt her hungover before opening her eyes. She covered her head with her pillow in a feeble attempt to block out the noise.

“How ya feelin,” Negan loudly asked from the foot of the bed as he was lacing up his boots. 

With a muffled groan she moaned, “not so loud, I feel like shit.”

Negan laughed hard then leaned down and kissed her forehead. “I’ve gotta visit one of my communities. I was gonna bring you, but darlin’ you look like somthin’ ate you up and spit you out,” he loudly said. 

“Bring me back something nice then,” she muttered, as she mockingly waved her hand in the air. He smiled at her and she buried her face deeper into her pillow. 

He opened the door and loudly shouted, “See you when I get back darlin, keep that bed warm for me.” 

Zara lifted the pillow from her face to see that her door was wide open. She realized that he was being as loud as he could so everyone on the fourth floor would hear him. She tossed her pillow at him as hard as she could. He let out a deafening laugh and winked at her, then closed her door. 

Zara stayed in her room for a few extra minutes so she wouldn’t run into Dallas or Aj. For once she actually welcomed a cold shower. She was beyond hungover and the room was slightly spinning. Slowly opening her door she tried to creep out. Aj was leaning against the wall a few feet from her looking at her with a smile. 

“Avoiding someone,” he quietly asked? 

Her shoulders slumped. “Hi,” she mumbled. 

For a few moments neither of them spoke. Aj began to quickly ramble, “look, I just want things to go back to the way they used to be. There’s not many people I call friend and I don’t want to lose you. That. I mean. That, I don’t want to lose that.” 

He frantically ran his hand threw his thick blonde hair and stood up straight. “And I know you probably didn’t mean for that to happen. I didn’t really either. I mean, I’ve always had a thing for you. And ya maybe in the past I thought something would come of it. But I mean you’re with Negan now.” His eyes widened. “sorry, I mean, I’m not judging you or anything. Hell I fucked Kate for Gods sakes!” Stopping abruptly he took a large gasp of air. 

For a second, Zara didn’t move a muscle. “Wow. That was uh…” She didn’t have the words so she took a breath, shook her head and smiled at him. “Yea. I’d really like it too if we could just kinda scrub last night and go back to the way things were.” After a few silent moments they both exhaled with relief. 

_This still feels weird,_ she thought to herself. “So. Um, I’m gonna go take a shower,” she said stiffly, fumbling with her door knob. “Ya, I guess i’ll see you downstairs later then,” he clumsily said. They both turned and walked away from each other. 

After her shower she made her way to the cafeteria. She sat at her usual table and immediately regretted it when Aj sat down next to her with a large plate of food. Not knowing what to say Aj quickly stuffed his mouth with a large piece of toast. 

Amidst the awkwardness, Dallas sashayed over and happily sat down. “So,” he said with an exaggerated pause. “Man, y’all drink too damn much. Was I the only one last night who didn’t fuck a pig?” 

Aj started choking on his toast and Zara let out a loud snort. Dallas stood up smiling and casually said, “Well, I’m gonna get some grits.” He winked at Zara and nodded his head, “you own me two beers,” and walked away. 

Aj and Zara looked at each other with large smiles and loudly laughed together. Though there was still tension between them, they were able to enjoy each others company again without too much discomfort. 

After spending most of the day restoring broken weapons, she found herself with a few free hours before dinner. Zara almost never had down time, especially without Negan close by. She quickly thought of how she should spend it. Surprising even herself, she walked behind the main building and looked for a secluded area in the garden.

Sitting in a empty field of bermuda grass, she brought her knees to her chest and reflected on her current situation. _I guess the perk of being so busy is that I haven’t thought about how fucked up things have been,_ she thought to herself. _What am I doing fucking around with Negan? I don’t even know what he see’s in me? Maybe I should stop being so mouthy with him. Maybe then he would have just fucked me and moved on.”_ Overwhelmed with her thoughts she got up and walked to a tree nearby. 

Leaning against it’s trunk, Zara thought of Aj. She felt herself blush, _he said he had a thing for me. I would have never thought! He’s so handsome, and funny._ Lifting her head up she weakly smiled to herself. _And stupid._

 _I wonder how it could have been if he’d just made a move before Negan had. Oh God, Negan. I forgot about Negan. Well, it didn’t take long for me to regret sleeping with him._ Rolling her eyes with a grin she thought, _well, I don’t regret the actual sex. Negan was pretty amazing. But what the hell was that yesterday? He almost suffocated me in the kitchen._ She was getting more concerned the more she reflected on it. _I should have brought that up when it happened but his expression was just so … scary. I wonder if he looks at all his wives that way._

She started to think about his wives. _Are they happy? They don’t seem very happy. And that one wife always stares at me. What’s her deal? Maybe she’s jealous? Do they love him? Maybe they hate me for sleeping with him. I hope not. I was only trying to protect myself…mostly._

Feeling guilty, she inhaled deeply and closed her eyes. In a weird way, she wished she was back in the forrest. _Well, not without Dallas and Aj,_ she thought. 

Too absorbed in her thoughts she didn’t see that Dallas was making his way to her. “Hey what ya doing out here. I never took you for a nature girl.” He took a seat on the floor across from her. 

“Actually, I was thinking about Negan’s wives.” She saw his look of confusion and said, “do you know much about them? I just kinda, worry I guess.”

Dallas inhaled sharply. “Okay, Z, I get that you're curious. I think it’s about that time I feel you in on a few things.” 

Zara looked at him with worry. 

“Well, for one thing, those poor girls barley had a choice in the matter.” Zara’s face tightened up.

“The one with the short brown hair was his wife when I got here. Sonya, I think her name is. She’s some kind of Native American if you can believe that. The blonde white girl’s name is Kelly, I think she might be the only one that actually likes Negan. Hmmm, lemmie see,” Dallas said in deep thought.

“Joanna’s the bald one. She used to have long red hair, but Negan shaved her head when she cheated with a guard or something. I’m assuming he still makes her shave it because that happened months ago. The short one with the bright ass hair is Mindy. I don’t know much about her. And the little strawberry blonde is Alina. She’s a sweetheart, youngest one of em. I’m not too sure about the others, but I know that Alina only became his wife because he was gonna kill her boyfriend, or husband. I’m not sure what he was to her.”

Zara leaned back on the tree trunk in thought, “Jesus!”

Dallas narrowed his eyes at her. “Hey I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something. And since we’re kinda there I’m gonna tell you now. I know you have this thing between you and Aj.”

Zara’s face snapped to his in surprise and embarrassment. 

With a smile he reassured her, “no, it’s okay. I think you two were kinda made for each other. Aj’s a great guy but he ain’t gonna get nowhere with a girl with that stupid sense of humor he has. You seem to like it though.” Zara smiled to herself.

“But the thing is,” Dallas continued. “You two are playin with fire. Don’t think for a second that he wont brutally kill him if he thinks theres anything between you two.” He paused, “Do you know what the punishment is for cheating with one of Negan’s wives?”

When she shook her head no he continued. “He sits you in the center of everybody and burns your face with a hot iron.” Her eyes widened and her face drained of color. 

“Now I wouldn’t be a good brother if I didn’t at least warn you about the danger you’re putting each other in. And I gotta tell you Z, I think you might be in a little denial about Negan.”

He gulped hard, scared that he’d offend her. “You know, you never really had a choice about him. I’ve seen him do this a few times already. He takes everything away from you til you reach a point where you’re grateful when he gives you a little back. Has he been weird about your food? That’s why I’ve been trying to sneak you extra. He’ll cut your food source off til you’re forced to rely on him. That’s what he did with Joanna anyway. I just want you to know that you shouldn’t be ashamed of what you’re doing. Because you’re playing smart girl. If you ever turn down his proposal,” he gulped again. “I just don’t know what he’d do to you.”

“I’ve never seen him so fixated on someone the way he is on you. I just want you to be careful. And to know that I’ll always be in your corner, okay. No matter how he spins things. He may do some fucked up stuff, but it’s the psychological shit he does that really fucks people up around here.”

Zara’s eyes began to water and Dallas put his hand on her shoulder. “You don’t forget that me and Aj will always have your back okay. He loves you, you know.”

With wide eyes her mouth hung open. “WHAT!”

Dallas weakly laughed, “you two must be the smartest dumbasses I know. He fell for you the second you elbowed him in the face.” She laughed at the memory. “Aj’s a great guy Z. He’s been tryin hard to pull away from you. He knows what’s at stake. I just wanted to make sure you knew.”

She sheepishly looked up at him. “Do you hate me for putting him in danger?”

“No girl, i’ve never seen him connect with someone the way he does you. He’s done so much good. He’s been sacrificing himself for me for years. It’s about time he found some happiness in all this mess. I just want you two to be careful. I’m here to help too. If you need some alone time with him, I can help make that happen.”

Zara blushed at his insinuation. 

“I just want you to remember something for me,” Dallas finally said as he began to stand up. “Wheather you choose to be with Negan or you don’t, the choice was already made. Negan has so many eyes on you. He’s been manipulating you for months now. I was hoping he’d get over it after having you, like he did with his other wives. But Z, I’ve never seen him act the way he does with you. He’d never take one of his wives into the forrest or sleep with them on the fourth floor. Hell I think most of those girls are only with him for that fifth floor. I just don’t want you to forget that he’s the devil. Do what you gotta do to survive but never forget that Zara.”

They both stood up and Dallas gave her a hard long hug. “In another life I could see you bein’ my sister. Married to Aj, chasin’ around you’r wild ass kids.” He smiled at the thought. 

Kissing her cheek he gently said, “keep your chin up okay. You don’t have anything to be ashamed of. You’re just surviving in this shit hole like everybody else.” 

After he left Zara sat under the tree and silently cried.


	17. When Negan's Away

That night Negan didn’t return to the sanctuary. With some time away from him, Zara began to open her eyes to what Dallas had told her. Negan had made her feel completely isolated from the other saviors. If it hadn’t been for Dallas and Aj’s progressive outlook, she wouldn’t have had a friend in the world. 

On her way to the cafeteria she ran into Aj. “Did you hear the good news? No Negan. I guess Jax told Martian who told Dallas that he was gonna be out till at least tomorrow evening.”

Her eyebrows shot up with surprise. “What should we do? I can’t drink again like last time. The hangover wasn't worth it.”

Shrugging his shoulders he replied, “donno but I think Dallas already had something in mind.”

A few hours later Dallas and Aj were drinking at the bar waiting for Zara to finish her shift at the gate. By the time she was finished, dusk was almost over. She met them at the bar and they made her swiftly take three shots so she’d catch up to them. 

Twisting her face she grimaced, “Eww! You paid for that shit? It tasted like rubbing alcohol.” 

Aj laughed and patted her shoulder. “Yep, this shit will make you grow hair on your chest.”

Everyone else was getting shit faced so it was easy for them to sneak away without being seen. Dallas brought one of the cafeteria workers named Ruby. He’d been talking to her for the past month. Zara had only heard about her but never talked to her. She liked her because Ruby told Dallas she didn’t judge Zara for sleeping with Negan. She was sure Dallas liked her for other reasons though. 

Ruby was small and very shapely. Her coco skin was smooth and her dark eyes gave her a dreamy look. Zara guessed she was Indian but she wasn’t positive. From what she gathered, Ruby was a widower. She was surviving in the forrest with her two small children but by the time the saviors found her she was by herself. She never told Dallas what happened to her children. Zara figured it was probably too painful for her to talk about. 

The four of them made their way to the back of the loading station where they kept all of the hummers. Dallas had said he’d found an abandoned shed and green house near there and spend weeks cleaning it little by little so he could use them one day. 

Once they found the shed and set up their sleeping bags, they sat around each other in a circle. With only an old thick, three wick candle for light, they laughed and played drinking games for hours. The four of them were having so much fun and Dallas began smiling at Ruby like a smitten teenager. After a few awkward moments where Ruby gave Dallas the clear go ahead, he hastily grabbed their sleeping bags and took her to the green house. 

Zara and Aj weren’t so drunk that they didn’t miss what Dallas had done. He’d given them one night Negan free where they could be together. 

Aj put his head down bashfully. His white teeth gleamed in the candlelight. She felt heat fill her own cheeks and tried her best not to giggle. Zara thought it was adorable how nervous Aj was. Her own stomach was doing cartwheels. They had been innocently flirting the whole night but now that they were alone that seemed too forward. 

Breaking the ice Zara finally asked, “tell me what it was like growing up with Dallas.”

She leaned in as he smiled in thought. “Well, for one thing, that little shit used to get me into so much trouble.” 

He told her stories of his youth and she told him about her life as a military brat, and of her grandfather. Neither realized how close they were sitting to one another. They were just engrossed in each others stories. When their laughter died down the reality of how intimate the shed was dawned on both of them. Sexual tension filled the room. 

Catching him off guard, Zara quietly asked, “what did you imagine life was gonna be like as a kid? Like, what did you want to be?”

Aj smiled broadly. “Oh I always knew what I wanted to be when I grew up." He laughed to himself. "I wanted to be a daddy.”

That was absolutely the last thing Zara expected him to say. As she studied his face she felt her heart swell up. She thought to herself, _If this was a different world, I'd marry that man.”_

Aj looked into her eyes. 

“See, I had great parents. Amazing actually. I’ll never live up to em. In fact, Dallas’s family lost everything in Hurricane Vivian. And we had a mobile home behind our property that we used to rent out. Well, when they lost everything, my dad moved their whole family in. I don’t think they ever paid more than three hundred a month. Hell, I’m pretty sure my grandpa loved Dallas more’n he loved me.” 

He sighed with the memory. “I had the absolute best dad. And I always aspired to be just like him. I used to picture myself proud, holdin’ my babies, being involved and taking them to sporting events. I guess that’s not gonna happen now huh.” Snapping out of his fantasy, he twisted his lips in a sad smile. 

When he looked into her eyes he knew that this was his moment. This was THE moment. Their faces slowly inched closer together. They both hesitated. 

“I don’t want you to risk your life for me, Aj,” she softly said. 

“Well now, I’m not so sure a life without you, is a life worth living.” He breathlessly replied. His shoulders twitched and he looked surprised, “fuck that was smooth.” 

Zara laughed and put her forehead on his shoulder. He gently lifted her face to his and slowly leaned in. He tenderly pressed his lips to hers. Her heart was pounding out of her chest. As she brought her hand to him. She felt herself shiver with nervousness. They both swallowed hard and he slowly began to unfasten her pants. She lifted his shirt off and saw his beautiful body. He was solid, and safe. Her hand ran through his sparse blonde chest hair. Her lips connected with his neck and she inhaled his natural musk. _God, I love the way he smells,_ she thought. 

Aj caressed her back, softly running his hands over every curve. She felt soft and warm like peach skin. He slipped his hand into her panties and felt her shiver when he lifted her and pulled them down. 

As she adjusted herself to straddle him, Aj hastily removed his bottoms. He gently held her hips to his and they paused with anticipation. The only sound was that of the wind blowing against the shed’s roof. They looked into each others eyes, as their chests wildly moved up and down. 

Zara brought her face to his and kissed him with yearning, soft at first then with great eagerness. She slid onto his member and slowly began to ride him. His arms wrapped around her middle and he buried his face into her chest. He kissed at her breasts and took her nipple into his mouth. He flicked at her hard nub then gently caressed it with the tip of his tongue.

Responding to his kisses she dug her hips further into him. He as so thick. With every thrust she felt herself loose control. Her hands began to explore his body and he let her take her time. He placed his hands on her lower hips and brushed his thumbs over her delicate skin. When his patience ran out he laid her to the ground. 

She felt him slowly enter her and she screamed out with pleasure. “This is everything, oh yes, yes Aj, please. Please yes, please yes, keep going” she pleaded. She knew she was being loud but she couldn't contain herself. He began to thrust into her with such force that she gripped the earth beneath her. She could feel his muscles begin to twitch. She felt like she had fire in her belly. 

Forward and backward, he lunged until he was at the brink of explosion. She dug her hands into his back and frantically held him to her. They looked into each others eyes and climaxed together.

Aj heavily lay on top of her and breathlessly whispered to himself. “GoodLord.” He shifted his weight to his elbows, making sure not to squish her. He tenderly kissed her lips. Before rolling over he looked down at her and sincerely said, “I think I love you Z.”

They lay next to each other catching their breath. Without a word, Zara cradled herself into his arms. She tenderly placed her hand on his chest. She let out a large sigh of happiness and kissed his chest. “I think I love you too.”


	18. Wake up Call

Zara, Aj, Dallas and Ruby woke to the alarming sound of hummers. It was three in the morning and pitch black outside. They’d never dressed so fast in their lives. They could see that the saviors were making their way down the stairs and they figured all saviors were called to the gates. Abandoning their sleeping gear Dallas, Aj and Zara helped sneak Ruby into the building without anyone from the outside seeing her. 

Dallas and Aj frantically adjusted Zara’s cloths and hair so she didn’t look like she’d just been fucking. Dallas quickly licked his hand and attempted to slick the back of Aj’s messy hair. They all helped dust off the twigs and dirt from each others cloths. 

Zara looked into their eyes, “ready?” She inhaled sharply. “How do I look?” 

Dallas spoke with fear in his voice. “Good, good you look like you just woke up. How bout us.”

After quickly inspecting them they merged themselves with the other saviors and headed to the gate. To their relief, most of them were still drunk. Zara realized she was still quite drunk herself. 

Three hummers pulled into the gate followed by Negan’s personalized hummer. Most of the saviors were petrified because they didn’t know what type of mood Negan returned in. He pulled into the sanctuary and slowly pulled himself from the car. 

“Alright guys, I got a fuck ton of scavengers in those two cars. I want them brought to the hole. Take that Mexican fucker to the holding cells. And bring the kids and parents to the second floor.” 

Negan turned to Zara, Aj and Dallas. Zara felt her body sway. _Fuck!_ She thought to herself. They were all still so drunk. 

Negan spoke to the three of them without making much eye contact. “Make sure those assholes properly load that trailer. Those fucking idiots put the cans on top last time.”

They all eagerly nodded and practically ran to do his bidding. Before Zara could walk out of his reach he grabbed her harshly by the arm. After quickly leaning down to kiss her he said, “I missed your face darlin.” Panicked, she could only smile in response. 

It took over an hour to finish loading the trailers. To Zara’s great relief Negan was too busy to visit her that night. Even still, she didn’t get much sleep for fear that he could come in and question her at any moment. 

She was terrified about what she got herself into. Things were much less complicated when she was just dealing with Negan. 

She couldn’t help but feel elated about what happened between her and Aj. She smiled when she thought about how gentle he was. Shaking her head she thought to herself. _I can’t believe that really happened. And with Aj. I never thought he’d want a girl like me. I never thought I’d want a guy like him._

She reflected on the sex they’d had. _I’ve never had sex that wasn’t hot and rough before. He was more steamy and passionate._ She blushed at that thought. _My heart’s never felt like that. I almost cried afterwards._ She looked into the ceiling. _Would I call that love making? Yes. I think that’s what it was._ She rolled her eyes at such a cheesy thought but smiled from ear to ear. 

The thought of what Negan might do if he ever found out about Aj, made her blood run cold. For the rest of the night she tried to push those awful thoughts from her mind.

The next morning she woke up feeling like absolute shit. She’d hardly gotten any sleep. Once she dragged herself to the cafeteria she was met by Aj and Dallas. 

“Holy fuck I feel like shit,” Dallas said. “I got hardly any sleep. I didn’t even get back to my room til like five thirty in the morning.”

Aj looked at Dallas with a dazed expression. He lifted his eyebrows trying to keep his eyes open. He began blinking rapidly, “I can’t even keep my eyes open.”

Zara had her head on the table with her arms covering her face. Without moving she groggily said, “I’m not even sure i’m not still a little drunk you guys.” 

Most of the saviors looked exhausted from the mornings haul. Everyone else just looked hungover. Zara, Aj and Dallas were all so distracted by their misery that they didn’t notice that Negan was angrily stalking to their table. 

His voice boomed as he stood in front of them. Looking at Dallas he said, “take the dark one to the hole.” He nodded in Aj’s direction, “take him to the holding cell. He’s a mouthy mother fucker, if he gives you any lip you have my permission to break his fucking jaw.” 

Before Dallas and Aj could react, two men grabbed each of their arms and pulled them back from their seats. 

Negan gave Zara a look that made her blood turn to ice. She almost fainted at the sight of him. “Take that fucking bitch to my room.” He gave her a chilling smile. “Careful, she’ll fuck you up if she see’s any weakness.”

The moment that Zara was tackled by Negan’s saviors, Aj started to wildly kick his legs in the air. He managed to crack a man’s lip open with a backwards head butt. Negan pulled at his back pocket and yanked out a thick leather impact baton. With one swift tap of the baton, Aj’s body went limp and they dragged him away. 

Dallas knew better than to fight back. He quietly took in his surroundings. He didn’t know how long he’d be in the hole so he began to mentally prepare himself. He looked at Zara and she knew he was telling her to be strong. 

Negan almost spit venom. “Look at her again mother fucker and I’ll slit your fucking throat here and now.” 

Before Zara could speak a single word, she felt a large arm wrap around her from behind. As they constricted her air supply, her legs started to give out. 

She fainted on the cafeteria floor and opened her eyes in Negan’s bed. 

She slowly shifted and flinched, she could already feel pain from the takedown. Her shoulders felt like they’d been ripped from their sockets. She lifted her hand to the painful burn around her neck. Before she had a chance to look around the room, Negan’s door slammed open. He almost cracked the door he opened it with such force. 

He came at her and for a brief moment she thought he was going to strike her. “You better be God dammed truthful with me Zara. I’ve never hit a woman before but so help me, I’ll fucking burn your face if you fucking lying to me right now.” Zara’s eyes couldn’t have been any wider. 

_Oh my God! How did he find out so quickly? Who told! Fucking Ruby!_ Her thoughts were frantic. When Negan moved closer to her she flinched with fear.

His features hardened. “When did you start fucking Dallas? Was it before or after the lookout tower?”

Zara’s shoulders slumped. She let exhaled as if her life depended on it. “Negan, I’m not, nor have I ever had sex with Dallas.” 

He searched her face. “Then tell me dear Zara, why the fuck is he always around you? Why the fuck are my men saying he’s always got his hands around you. Why the fuck is he feeding you. And why the mother fuck is he buying you drinks?”

Still terrified, Zara spoke as calmly as she could. “If by, always has his hands on me, you mean always has his arm slung over my shoulder. Then ya. He does that. Negan, he touches me the same way he touches any person. Hell, I think he touches Aj more than he touches me.” 

He shot back, “Why is he fucking hugging you in some fucking empty field then?”

She put her hands up defensively. “Negan, those are my FRIENDS. Nothing more. He hugged me because I was crying. I was sad that people were giving me dirty looks. He was defending YOU, Negan.” She hoped that last lie was convincing. 

“Do you really think they’d risk their lives for a quick fuck? And he didn’t buy ME drinks, he bought our whole table drinks. Those saviors of yours are fucking with you. They’re just trying to give you something juicy so they can get in your good graces.” 

She took a breath and frantically lied threw her teeth. “And Dallas only gives me the foods he can’t eat. He’s got a weird stomach thing. And he’s never given me anything I didn’t have to trade for.”

His facial features slightly softened. Sensing she was convincing him of her innocents she hastily added, “plus! They’re both sleeping with other people!”

He sat on the bed and sharply inhaled. Relief flooded his features. “Fine, Zara. Those fuckers can stay in the hole and cell for one night, courtesy of my fucking faithful saviors.”

He aggressively ran his hand threw his unkept hair. "And the next time Dallas finds you sitting under a tree, he better leave you the fuck alone.”

He painfully grabbed her face and brought her close to him. Intensely looking into her eyes he growled, “let this be a warning to you Zara. I don’t like sharing my things. I have eyes all over this fucking place. If I find out you’re lying to me, I’ll burn his fucking face to the bone.” He brought her lips to his and roughly kissed her. “Don’t forget, I can take away that precious freedom of yours whenever I’d like.” 

After a few tense moments Negan’s shoulders relaxed and he cheerfully smiled at her. It was moments like that, that made Zara question whether Negan was even sane. He could turn his emotions on and off like the flick of a switch. 

He gently cupped her face. “I’m gonna send you back to the gates so you can finish your job for the day.” He held up his hand and interrupted her when he saw that she was about to ask about her friends. “They’ll stay in there till midnight.” When he saw she was about to protest he quickly added, “after all, they did put up a fight against my orders. And I do believe that might constitute as breaking a rule.” 

He smiled when she vigorously shook her head. “Okay, then. A day in the hole for both of em. That sound fair to you?” When she nodded yes, he tapped his finger to his lips. She leaned in and kissed him with as much affection as she could muster, which wasn’t much. 

As she opened his door to leave she stopped when she saw Ivy on her hands and knees, scrubbing the floor in Negan’s hallway. They both opened their mouths to say something but she heard Negan rustling from behind her and Zara shamefully bolted for the door. 

By the end of the day, she was emotionally and physically drained. Aside from Kate, every single person she interacted with treated her like a leper. Negan had managed to ostracize her from her own group of friends. Not only them, but the cleaning and cafeteria department leered at her with hateful glances too. 

After finishing her dinner, Zara immediately went to her room. She lay in her bed staring at the celling counting down the hours till midnight. She honestly didn’t think Negan would honor his word, so she was astonished when she heard Dallas’s and Aj’s doors open and close late into the night.


	19. Rewards

It had been a week since Negan had thrown the boys in the hole. He’d kept them all so busy that they only saw each other a few minutes a day. Even their cafeteria visits were spent in silence. They were all just so exhausted.

Aj was able to sneak a kiss from Zara a few times in the showers. Although it was alienating being away from him, it made their brief moments together feel special. 

Zara was able to get a break from Negan’s sexual appetites for a week. She lied and told him she was on her period. He was more than willing to look past that, but she told him it would have been too embarrassing for her. So, he did the gentlemanly thing and slept with his wives instead. Truth be told, she hadn’t gotten a period in over a year. Most women didn’t. She figured it was because of the stress and malnourishment. 

One random night, just as she was finishing dinner with Dallas and Aj; Nick approached them and loudly told her he needed to escort her to Negan’s bedroom. Zara was seething. He was smiling at her with a self satisfied smirk. She suspected that Nick was the one who informed Negan about her and Dallas. 

Zara angrily thought, _of course that asshole would send Nick. He knows I hate him. And Nick could have said Negan needed me in the fifth floor. Fucking asshole!_ She proudly stood up. As she passed Nick she lunged at him for a split second causing him to flinch and cower. She lifted her chin and smiled. 

“Ha!” Dallas laughed. Aj winked at Nick as he escorted her away. “That’s two for flinching,” he called out behind them. 

Nick was much less brave when it was the just the two of them. The moment he delivered her to Negan’s room he hastily retreated. 

Zara was so exhausted. She was in no mood for Negan. She assumed he was in his bathroom because the shower was running. In no rush to speak, she lay on his bed and waited for him. 

She jumped when he walked in from the living room door. His smile was so self assured and she wondered what he had up his sleeve. He only grinned like that when he knew he was getting laid. 

“What?” She said with caution. 

“Nothing. I just missed your company,” he said and sat on the bed next to her. He took her hand and put it in his lap. “I wanted to apologize to you for being such a jealous asshole.” He brought her hand to his lips and she pulled away from him with fear. 

“See, now that’s what I don’t want. I don’t want you scared of me. Shit honey, I’d never hurt one of my girls. Especially you. So long as you stay faithful to me. I know now that Dallas is a good fuckin’ guy. He was very, honest and forthcoming in his interview.” 

She shot him a wild look. _I don’t know where he’s going with this,_ she thought. 

He slowly lifted her off the bed and led her to his bathroom. His enormous smile made her uneasy. 

The moment she stepped into his bathroom her shoulders slumped. She couldn’t tell if she was hallucinating or not but she thought she could visibly see steam coming from his large shower. She walked to the water as if in a trance. She reached out her hand and hesitated. She was scared to be disappointed. She reached out and let the water touch her skin. 

“Oh my God! Negan! It’s hot! I haven’t showered in hot water in a year…maybe two!” She turned to him in absolute shock. Smiling at her broadly, he wrapped his arms around her. She shook him off and hastily pulled at the buttons of her jeans and stripped with hilarious urgency. 

“Well shit! If I’d known you’d be this grateful for a hot shower, I’d of tried to get it for you sooner,” he said with a pause. “I only get hot water once every few months. Probably wont last more than an hour. I figured I’d enjoy the treat with my favorite person.”

Not hearing a word he said she stepped into the hot stream. The water almost burned her skin and she moaned with delight. She let the hot water trail off her shoulders first, it dripped to her back and down her spine. Her knees almost buckled when she let the scorching water soak her hair. The water burned her scalp with pleasure. For a brief moment she felt herself begin to drool. 

It was a good thing that Negan had joined her in the water. Just as he embraced her from behind she felt her legs almost give out. He held her to him and began soaping her naked body with his body wash. He wanted her to smell like him, he possessively thought. Negan soaped her breast's, carefully squeezing them with just the right amount of firmness. His fingers gently slid over the delicate skin around her nipples and he skillfully applied pressure. He rubbed her hard nipples between his fingers. 

He was supporting her body with his and she felt his erection grow as it was pressed against her backside. She knew that he was going to take her soon. She couldn’t stand to look him at his face and she knew he’d want her to scream out his name. She’d heard the exaggerated screams of his wives all week. She knew that the whole fourth floor could hear threw the thin molded walls. In that moment she refused to let Aj hear her scream out another man’s name. With what little will she had left, she let her stubbornness over take her. 

She turned to him and let the water trail down her ass. He squeezed her cheeks hard and grunted with satisfaction. She pulled away from his body and soaped up her hand with his body wash. 

She leaned down and began to massage his balls in her hands. She skillfully massaged him, using her fingers to get every inch of him. She firmly gripped him with one hand and ran her other along his strong flexed cheek. His thighs twitched. Zara looked up into Negan’s eyes and internally challenged him to say her name.

While maintaining her eye contact she began to bow her knees to him. Her hand gently gripped his cheek and her fingers caressed his crevasse. He quickly grabbed for her, but she dug her hand into his flesh before he could reach her.

“Uh-uh” she warned. 

She cleaned every part of his member, making sure to clean his skin of any unsavory flavors. Zara couldn’t believe how much she was enjoying herself. She was in complete control of Negan and the more he responded to her touches, the more she demanded his submission. She hadn’t been in control of anything in the last few months, so she welded her power over him like a lord. 

She looked up at him and held his eye contact as she gently kissed the tip of him. He audibly grunted for more. With one hand still gripping his balls, she took him in her mouth. She used the tip of her tongue to firmly press into the sensitive edge of his member. She swiveled her tongue around his tip as she let the steaming water run down his shaft.

“Jesus!” He yelled, as he held out his arms, bracing himself to the sides of the shower. Zara closed her eyes. She enjoyed taking Negan this way and began to fantasize about Aj. She pictured his face, his eyes, his pert mouth and the way he skillfully touched her. She visualized his strong fingers gliding over her naked skin and she moaned with delight. 

Her moan sent exhilarating vibrations to Negan and he stifled a choke. “Oh fuck Zara!” 

She began sucking on him, compressing him with her mouth. She ran the base of her tongue under his shaft. Pulling away from him, she let the steamy water run over his sensitive skin. She took him in her mouth again and ran the tip of her tongue over the large vain under his member. 

“Oh fucking Jesus Zara! Oh fuck! Oh fuck! Zara!” Negan groaned. She was sure the fourth floor could hear him now, but she still wasn’t satisfied. She quickly thought of other ways to get him to really bend to her. 

She started sucking him with greater pressure and force and enveloped him as much as she could. She let the hot water fill her mouth and used it to help massage him. Feeling that he was almost at the brink of explosion, she licked her lips and set her shoulders. 

She took him in her mouth once more and ran her hand along his wet abdomen. He jerked in reflex and she quickly clasped his balls in her hand, preventing him from release.

“Zara. Fuck, Zara. Oh Fuck,” he shouted. He banged on the wall with an open fist, as his hands were reflexively opening and closing. 

She clutched his member firmly with her mouth and moved her wet hand slowly down his body. She trailed the water stream that led to his inner thigh and slowly brought the tip of her finger to his taint. 

She felt his whole body flinch with her touch. _Say my name you mother fucker,_ she aggressively thought to herself. 

She gently rubbed her finger into his taint and his legs almost buckled. 

“Oh Zara! Fucking hell! Fucking finish me! Oh fuck. For God’s sake,” he grunted. He began to bang harder into the wall and she saw his drool was mixed with the water dripping from his face. Zara proudly noted his shoulder blades wouldn’t stop twitching. 

She caressed his skin with her tongue and she felt like the steamy water was burning her sensitive lips. She eagerly plunged him in her mouth and moaned. He thrust hard into her and she felt him finally start to release. She spit out his seed, leaned her head back and let the hot water fill her mouth. 

When she stood up she had a renewed sense of energy. She stood under the scorching water and watched with great satisfaction as Negan almost crawled out of the shower. He wrapped himself in a large towel and sat on the counter. As he was catching his breath, he watched her with adoration. She stayed under the sweltering water for a few more minutes and walked out without looking at Negan. 

He watched as she confidently dried herself off and slipped on one of his hanging shirts. She casually strolled outside of the bathroom and put on a pair of his pajama bottoms. He watched her with his jaw on the floor. 

He was still recovering from their shower when she walked to him and gave him a mocking smile. She gently kissed his lips and quietly said, “thank you for the hot water Negan. I really enjoyed myself. I’m tired. I'm gonna go to bed now.” She turned around and left him in stunned silence.


	20. The Wives

A few weeks had passed since Zara and Negan’s encounter in the shower. Zara came to realize that she was better off in Negan’s good graces. He’d brought her to the look out tower a few times, and so long as she played along with his psychological and sexual games, he’d given her a good amount of freedom. In exchange for her independence, she put aside her ego as much as she could. At times she called Negan out on his shit but she tried to hold her tongue for Aj’s sake. 

They’d been able to see each other everyday like usual. With the help of Dallas, they were able to sneak off to the shed at least once a week, usually durning the morning when everyone took showers. It was hard for Zara to hide her happiness. She was so in love with Aj it hurt her sometimes. He was always real with her, and he stayed the same goofy friend he was before. The only thing in his personality that shifted was his tenderness and affection for her. For someone who joked so much, he was so sincere with his tender words to her. He always made her feel loved and kept hope in her heart. 

Dallas was happy to aid them in any way. He was content with casually hooking up with Ruby. They both enjoyed each other but neither was willing to involve real feelings other than friendship. 

The last week he seemed estranged from Aj and began alienating himself from Zara. When she went to Aj with concern, his face grew sad. He told her that Dallas was just going threw something and needed distance. He reassured her that Dallas was always this way around this time of year and he’d come out better in the end. She prayed that was true, as she could see his spark for life had begun to dim. 

Luckily for her, Negan spent most of this week with his young wife Alina. Over the weeks, she’d made friends with most of his wives. 

She’d met Mindy, a spunky twenty something with mid length platinum blonde hair. She was the wife that kept staring at Zara earlier. She was so intimidated by Mindy because she was hands down the most beautiful person she’d ever seen in real life. Unlike anyone she’d met in person, Mindy had flawless bone structure. Her full lips were always naturally pink and plump. Even Zara found herself staring at her pout from time to time, wondering what it’d be like to kiss her. She was very kind. Zara got the impression that she was hiding a secret, so she could never fully confide in her for fear that she would tell Negan.

She’s met Sonya a few days after Mindy. Sonya was also very beautiful but she had an exotic look that made her seem angry, most of the time, she wasn’t. Zara was pleased to discover that Sonya was kind as well. She didn’t really do much other than enjoy the comforts of the fifth floor. Zara couldn’t blame her. She’d lost every person important to her. She was bitter and didn’t truly care about anyone else but herself. She was still very kind and respectful to every one. Both her and Mindy were with Negan for the luxury’s and security he offered. 

She hadn’t formally met Joanna yet, but the girls told her that she usually kept to herself. 

Zara despised Negan’s blonde wife Kelly. She knew exactly why Negan kept her around. Zara could tell Negan found Kelly just as annoying as she did. But Kelly was a huge supporter of him, he praised his cause and glorified his every move. Everyone from the fifth floor could tell when Negan was fucking Kelly because she was always over enthusiastic with her screams. He’d once confessed to her that he sometimes faked it with Kelly just to get her to leave him alone. Zara saw her as nothing more than a political sex doll and she was sure Negan thought the same.

And finally, sweet Alina. Sadly, she was the youngest of his wives at just twenty two. She agreed to become Negan’s wife to spare her ex-husband Vince. He’d been caught stealing a can of food for her from the cafeteria and Negan asked for her hand in marriage instead of burning his face with a hot iron. 

She was a gentle girl with beautiful strawberry blonde hair. She was delicate in almost every thing she did and she reminded Zara of a doe in a meadow. Zara’s brass language always made Alina blush, especially because she never spoke herself much anyway. She was just too docile. Zara was glad to consider Alina a friend. She’s brought some femininity into her life that Zara didn’t know she needed. 

Zara had a weird relationship with his wives. Half of them wanted her to take Negan’s attention from themselves and the other half hated her for his clear favoritism. Although she wanted to trust Mindy and Alina, she wouldn’t let them get too close. 

Later that day, Zara was dumbfounded when she was told the her, Aj, Dallas and Kate were going to be given a truck and a pass for the day. She’d told Negan about a secluded street lined with mom and pop stores that she thought she could ransack. After a few days without him mentioning it, she figured he didn’t trust her enough to send her out. 

Although she was sure Negan would send someone to spy on them, she still hoped she could get some alone time with Aj. He’d kissed her earlier with eagerness and joked that he dreamt of her, scratching his back. She told him he was probably just rubbing against his scratchy blanket in his sleep. 

As they were loading up the hummer, Negan casually strolled up to her. He shot her a wicked smile and held her small neck in his large hand. 

“You’re gonna be good for me today right sweetheart?” She blinked at him and faintly smiled. 

He took off his straw hat and covered their faces from the sun. He leaned down and planted a hard kiss on her soft lips. Tightening his grip on her throat, he inserted his tongue into her mouth and explored her with great satisfaction. He wouldn’t let her pull away so his kiss lasted an uncomfortable amount of time.

As he lifted his face from her he leaned in and purred, “Jesus, I gotta have you tonight, maybe the moment you get back even.” He kissed the tip of her nose and turned her to the hummer. 

Leaning his face down to her ear, he warned, “don’t let me find out you’ve done anything other than bring me back my fucking supplies, or you’ll fucking regret it. I promise you.” He harshly kissed her ear and she roughly pulled away from him and made her way to the hummer. 

Although she was expressionless on the outside, she was internally elated. She couldn’t believe her plan had worked. She had been dying to spend some time with Aj after an especially rough night with Negan. She lay in bed and thought of how she could be with him without anyone seeing them together. 

She remembered the underground alcove she’d built over a year ago. She’d built it near a long row of abandoned shops. She’d gotten the idea from a movie she’d seen where a serial killer had build a similar room under a corn field to murder one of his young victims. Although her’s wasn’t nearly as nice, she had used that make shift bunker for well over three weeks before she was forced to abandon the area. 

She hadn’t actually expected Negan to listen to her about the stores. It was such a long shot. When she brought it up to him she made sure to be extra devoted to him in the following days. She did small things for him that he thought were unintentional but she wanted to soften him up, so he’d maybe consider letting her go with out friends. 

She also complained to him about everyone making her feel bad for sleeping with him. She casually mentioned how Dallas, Aj and Kate were the only people she felt comfortable with, and the only ones who supporter her being with him. 

Still, she didn’t believe he’d let her leave with them for the day. She couldn’t believe she’d actually been able to manipulate the situation. She hadn’t even told Dallas or Aj that this was her doing or about her hidden bunker. She was so excited to tell them, but she wanted to hold on to her secret for just a little longer.

As she made her way to the hummer she quickly spoke to Dallas and he reassured her that he’d try and distract Kate so she could sneak off with Aj. She told Dallas to sit Kate next to Aj. She reassured him when he protested, and she sat in the bed of the hummer. 

“It’s better this way, I’ll be able to see if we’re being followed from back there,” she told him. 

They all let out a huge sigh or relief when the gates closed behind them and they speed off into the forrest.


	21. Mrs. Morgan

It didn’t take as long as she thought for them to near the location. Dallas pulled up to the abandoned stores and swiftly turned off the hummer. They listened intently for any signs of other humans or walkers. The four of them worked together to silently clear the area of the undead.

Dallas leaned into Kate and whispered, “I bet if we get to the pharmacy before them, we’ll be able to save something for our selves. Maybe we see if we can find us some liquor.” Ever the party girl, Kate looked at him with agreement. 

As Kate and Aj were talking by the store front, Dallas slid to Zara. “I’ll take her to the pharmacy and try my best to distract her. Not sure how much time that’ll even give ya, but shoot for forty minutes.” She hugged him and gave him a reassuring squeeze. She affectionately kissed him on the cheek and he shooed her away like a pest. 

“Ya, okay. I get it. You love him.” He laughed while rolling his eyes. She whispered, “thank you Dallas."

The moment Dallas and Kate were out of their eye line Zara grabbed for Aj’s hand and pulled him to an abandoned penny store. 

With a panicked voice she instructed, “find as much as you can. Pack it in a bag or something. The faster we collect something worth taking back, the faster we can be tog…”

Aj put up his hand and cut her off. “Baby, all you had to say was, find something good.” She laughed when he swiftly turned and began frantically grabbing for goods. 

 

After Zara loaded the hummer with a sufficient about of supplies, she turned to see Aj running out of a pawn shop. 

“I hit the fucking jack pot Z! Look! Look what I got in my bag, space heater, candles, flint starter and an awesome vintage playboy.” 

Though she wanted to laugh at him she began to feel frantic as though their time together was running out. She harshly grabbed his hand and pulled him into the over grown forrest, he didn’t even get to put his bad down so he threw it over his shoulder and ran with her. She pulled him hard when he attempted to stop and catch his breath. He readjusted the heavy sack and began to run with her. 

“C’mon, we can break when we get there. I think we’re close.” 

She was frantically combing the ground with her eyes. 

“Where the fuck are we even going? Z, wait up!” he said.

She suddenly halted and set her eyes on a fallen dead tree with a distinct crack down the side. “THERE!” She let go of his hand and ran to the trunk and frantically searched for the lift. Tears began to burn at her eyes and she started to panic. She wondered if maybe her bunker was destroyed. She finally found the small faded strap that opened the hatch. She turned to Aj and smiled. 

“I found it! Aj look!” 

His jaw actually hung open as she opened the hatch and jumped inside. “Zara what the fuck,” he shouted at her. “Come in.” He heard her say. 

He dropped his large canvased bad into the dark hole and fearfully jumped down. 

“Jesus!” He shouted as he hit his ass on the floor. Zara clicked her lighter twice before it lit up the small room. She lit the abandoned lamp in her hand. 

“Oh fuck! It’s gross in here.” 

She almost dropped the lantern and jumped in Aj’s arms. “Oh my God, kill it! Kill it! Kill it,” she shouted. Aj choked on his laughter and killed the small spider she was pointing to. 

He stood up and his head stuck out of the hatch opening. “How the hell did you find this place?” 

She spoke without looking at him. She was busy tiding up the place and making it more cozy. “I didn’t find it. I built it.” 

When he looked at her with extreme admiration she shyly smiled at him. “I say that like it’s no big deal, but this place took me almost two weeks to build. I stayed her for almost a month before it got too cold.” 

She shrugged her shoulders, “plus, I went to summer camp. We built one of these things every year.”

Aj was patting the walls, checking for any chance that the place could cave. He grabbed the hatch over his head and closed the makeshift bunker. “This is pretty impressive. How’d you uh, go to the bathroom?”

She shrugged her shoulders, “I went outside and hoped I didn’t die.”

Zara had lined the whole room from floor to ceiling with thin tree branches she’d pressed into the earth. It was almost like a normal pressed floor but softer. He kicked his large bag of supplies to the side and began to unbutton his shirt. 

“Who said we were having sex,” Zara mockingly questioned?

Aj gave her a hurt look. “Oh this ain’t happening?” He nodded his head with a frown. 

“Okay, I understand. I’m just gonna take this off because it’s hot.” He began to strip his shirt off in a sexy manner. He dropped his shirt to the ground. “Ooop.” When her eyes went to his chest he sucked in his gut and flexed. 

Zara smiled at him with adoration. “I love you, you stupid man.”

Aj spread his cloths over the hard floor and quickly took her. They pawed at each other like eager love struck teenagers. 

Afterwards Aj held her his arms. She lay with her hand pressed to his naked chest. She played with his chest hair and inhaled his smell. “Did you know I love how you smell?” She inhaled him again and smiled into his chest. 

He affectingly squeezed her to him and quietly said, “I’ve never felt like this with anyone else Z. When I’m with you I just feel like home.” He shifted his weight towards her and looked into her eyes. The light from the lantern flickered and he memorized how she looked in the soft light. 

He grabbed his button up and covered her chest and middle. With a large inhale he took her hands in his and sat up. 

“Zara, Z,” he nervously inhaled again. 

“Will you marry me? Will you be my wife, my partner, my best friend.”

Zara’s eyes welled up with tears. She furiously blinked and her chin began to quiver. She had trouble gulping. She slowly smiled and nodded her head, yes. 

He cupped her face in his hands and wiped her tears away with his thumbs. 

“I, Alexander James Morgan, take you.” He smiled at her and encouraged her to finish. Her eyes twinkled at him, “Zara Marie Statham.” 

He happily sighed and began again. “I, Alexander James Morgan, take you, Zara Marie Statham, as my lawfully wedded wife. For richer, or poorer, in sickness and in health, for better or worse. I promise here and now to faithfully be yours always.” Aj’s voice began to crack with emotion.

Zara took in a big shaky breath. “I, Zara, take you, Alexander James Morgan, as my lawfully wedded husband.” Tears began to stream down her face. She lovingly smiled at him. 

“I take you for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, for better or worse. I promise you now, that you have my heart, and it will always be faithful to only you. I love you.”

He held her crying face in both his hands and they looked deep into each others eyes as they both began to cry. “I love you Zara Marie Morgan,” he said smiling from ear to ear. 

She buried her face into his neck and giggled. She swiftly looked up, “oh my God! I’m a wife!” She looked down at herself and laughed, “I’m a naked wife! We just got married naked!”

He hugged her to him and laughed with her, “I see no problem. Just how I always pictured it.”

She jumped and swiftly grabbed for her backpack. She pulled out her knife, a small hotel size bottle of cheap vodka and a pen. She looked at Aj for confirmation and he nodded his head at her.

She placed the small blade on the top of her hand just under the fleshy part of her thumb. She inhaled before pressing down. “Hopefully this doesn’t kill me from infection,” she joked.

She poured a small amount of vodka on her knife and handed it to Aj. He was making his own cut. He didn’t have to be as discreet as her so he cut a small line where his wedding ring would have been. Zara and Aj put a drop of ink on their fingers and they pressed it into each others cuts. 

“Is this gross? That we’re doing this?” Aj laughingly asked.

She lifted her hand and admired her new mark. “I don’t care if it is. Now I’ll think of you anytime I look at my hand.”

He turned to her, “are you ready for your first kiss as Mrs. Morgan?” She beamed at him and they shared the most loving kiss they’d ever had.

After a few minutes they began to clime out of the makeshift bunker. Aj heard Kate calling for him and he frantically dropped his large sack of supplies back into the hole. Zara swiftly closed the bunker and covered it up with moss. 

She threw her backpack over her shoulders and tip toed to him, giving him a sweet kiss. “C’mon husband, before Dallas starts to panic that we ran away.”


	22. Redemption

As dusk began to approach, the four of them loaded themselves into the hummer and made their way back to the sanctuary. Zara was tucked between bags of loaded supplies they’d collected. The cold wind harshly whipped at her skin. 

They were about three miles from the gates when Dallas hit a pot hole. The tire popped beneath them, causing the hummer to veer off the trail and slam into a tree. Zara’s body jerked hard and she felt the whiplash throwout her body. Dallas, Aj and Kate slowly stepped out of the hummer and limped away from the car. 

Dallas suddenly threw the keys down in angry frustration. When Aj went to comfort him he heatedly pushed him away and punched the tree next to him. The hard ‘twack’ of the impact echoed throught the quiet forrest. Dallas jumped in pain and yelled, “Fuck! God dammit mother fucking tree. FUCK!” 

Zara frantically looked around and began to panic. He was being too loud and they’d already made so much nose with the crash. Although they had guns, Zara knew none of them had silencers on them and it’d be too risky to shoot out in the open. She desperately tried to get him to quiet down. 

In a heated whisper she scolded him, “Dallas! Stop! What the fuck’s wrong with you! Be quiet!”

The sun had already set and the only source of light they had was a single flickering car head light. Their heads all snapped when they heard the sounds of walkers approach them. “Fuck,” she heard Aj say from behind her. 

Kate put her hand to her gun holster. “Get ready, I see five.”

“No guns you guys. It’s too risky. It’d attract more.” Zara commanded, as she handed Kate her extra buck knife. 

Kate, Aj and Zara jumped in the air as the ear piercing sounds of Dallas’s gun shots wizzed by them. He emptied his clip. 

The three of them shouted at him in unison. “Dallas! What the fuck are you doing?” “Stop fucking shooting! You’re gonna get us killed!” “Gimmie that fucking gun Dallas.”

Zara ran to him and violently yanked the gun from his injured hand. He turned away angrily. Over the next few minutes, Kate, Aj and Zara desperately fought off twelve walkers. Luckily, most of them were very decomposed, but each of them still had very close calls with getting bitten. 

Once the last walker was killed, Zara stalked up to Dallas and slapped him hard on the face. His head snapped to the right and the imprint of her hand was instantly burned into his cheek.

He blinked at her in surprise, as if she was snapping him out of a trance. “What the fuck Dallas! You almost got us killed! Do you hear me! Fucking look at me!” She vigorously shook him. “You almost killed Aj!” He lifted his face to her and she could see the dazed look in his hollow eyes. 

Although she was still livid that he put Aj and Kate’s life in danger, she looked at him with concern. “Dallas, what’s wrong. What’s wrong with you?” 

He pulled away from her. “I’m sorry Z.” He turned to the others, “I’m sorry Kate. I’m sorry Aj. I don’t… I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m so sorry.” 

Surprisingly, Kate was the first to go to him. She put her hand on his shoulder and gave him a squeeze. “We know, we…know. It’s a hard month for you. Just…don’t let it happen again.” Zara didn’t know what she was talking about.

The four of them huddled together, back to back, staying close to the hummer. Darkness engulfed them and without the flickering headlight, they’d be in real trouble. 

They almost screamed out when they heard the faint rumble of engines. Negan pulled up first in a lifted pick up truck. His tires loudly screeched to a halt and Negan practically flew out of the truck before it came to a full stop. 

The fury in his face was quickly replaced by worry. “Whoa! What the fuck happened to you guys?” he asked.

Aj stepped forward to take the brunt of Negan’s anger. He held both hands out to the side. “Fucking pot holes man!” 

Negan shook his head in understanding, “Shiiiiit,” he exclaimed. “That’s the third fucking time this year.” 

He held out his hand to Zara and slowly began to walk her to his truck. Zara and Aj shared a passing glance and her heart fluttered with happiness. He smiled at her and she felt herself become light headed. Their looks of love quickly turned to concern as Dallas walked past them. 

Luckily Negan didn’t sleep in Zara’s bed that night. She had to seriously fend him off when he insisted she sleep in his bed. If her body wasn’t so sore, she would’ve spent her wedding night with Negan. Her body hurt and she could already feel the tension in her neck, and she was grateful for it. 

Before she fell asleep she reflected on how enraged Negan was when he thought she’d run away. She feared for her husbands life. She rapidly blinked to herself, _I have a husband. And I am a wife. I’m his wife._ She lifted her hand and inspected her small tattoo. _I’m so lucky to have him,_ she thought. _Mrs. Morgan. Mrs. Zara Morgan. Mr. and Mrs. Morgan._ She smiled wide. She fell asleep with a gentle smile on her face as she blissfully thought of her new husband. 

The following morning Aj recklessly lunged into her room and smothered her with his perfect kisses. 

“Aj! Stop! You can’t!” She said, as she gently slapped at his hands. She looked around and kissed him hard, before rapidly pulling away. 

“And how did my wife sleep last night,” he asked. Aj paused on the last step, and distanced himself from her. They were about to enter the cafeteria. 

“Well, not very good to be honest. I’m still sore from the crash. Actually it was the pot hole that really got me.” 

Zara and Aj spit up and met back at their table with food. 

Zara looked at Aj with concern. “Okay, I know it may not be my place to ask, but what the fuck is going on with Dallas? And how does Kate know more than me?”

Aj’s face grew serious. He took a large breath and looked up. “It’s the week that he lost his family. It’s only the second year, but ya, it was pretty horrific. I don’t know how Kate knows.”

Aj’s voice began to crack. “He had a wife. She was just as much my sister as you will be his. Savannah, her name was Savannah. Well, she got sick, and Dallas had them staying in a mid size hard camper. And I had a small kiddy tent that I always camped in. I used to set it up at their door. You know, extra protection. These people were my family.”

He began to struggle to get the words out. “He had a little boy Z. A little boy named,” he struggled to get the name out. “Enzo.” 

He cleared his throat, “Well, Savi got sick. Nothing too serious. She just had a little cough. Well, in the middle of the night, she just… she just, she slipped away in her sleep. We think it might have been pneumonia.”

He looked down at the table. “She died in her sleep Z, and she had the baby in there. He was only a year and a half old. She died and…” He couldn’t finish the story. 

He turned his head away and furiously blinked back his tears and slowly shook his head. “He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t kill her. He couldn’t kill her even thought she’d turned. He couldn’t shoot her even though she…she.” 

He let out a large hard breath. “I had to go, to go in there and release her. I had to see what she did. See the carnage. The aftermath.” 

He set his shoulders. “Ya. I did that. I killed my sister. Known her since she was a little thirteen years old kid. I took her out for my brother, and baby E, and for her.”

Zara placed her hand over his then swiftly pulled it back. She remembered where she was and stiffened. 

“My God.” She covered her mouth with shock and shook her head with sadness. 

“I can’t even fathom how he stays so… positive,” she questioned. 

Aj nodded his head in agreement. “He has his bouts of depression. He zones out sometimes.” He inhaled deeply, “I’ll always be here to look out for him, so I know he’ll be okay. I just want to see him happy. You know. Even Ruby tells me she can’t get him out of this spell.”

Zara continued to eat her oatmeal and she bit her lip in thought. They ate the rest of their meal in silence. Dallas never showed up. 

Hours later Zara finally ran into Dallas. She speed walked up to him and threw her arms around his shoulders. He slowly relaxed his body and melted into her. He limply lifted his head from her. 

Although his face lay emotionless, she saw in his eyes that he appreciated her support. She put a hand on his shoulder and reassured him.

“I love you Dallas. And I’ll always be here for you if you ever want to talk, or cry, or not talk, or anything.” She gently tapped his chin with her closed fist. “You’re my brother now after all.” He did weakly smile at that and quickly brought her hand to his cheek. He gave her a reassuring squeeze and somberly waked back to his room. 

Far in the distance, Negan stood on a tall scaffolding. His lip curled with rage as he looked down at her.


	23. The Iron

Some weeks had passed since Aj and Zara had committed themselves to each other. The sanctuary was thriving more than ever and Negan hadn’t visited her in the last week, which was a first. He’d barley been at the sanctuary as well. She was extremely grateful for that.

Zara was thrilled when she got to spend her nights with Aj. It didn’t happen very often, but she looked forward to them all week. Their little shed had come in handy. Even getting thirty minutes with each other, felt worth the risk. 

Dallas’s mood had also improved. Although he was his usual happy self, Zara could see the hidden pain behind his eyes. Aj and Zara’s wedding had certainly helped him heal. When he found out Aj and Zara had married, he was ecstatic. He joked that he was going to throw them separate bachelor and bachelorette parties, since they were his two best friends. Even him and Ruby seemed to be friendly again.

One uneventful evening before dusk, Negan causally pulled into the sanctuary with Nick closely behind him. He called for everyone to gather in the cafeteria. Zara tried to make eye contact with him to gauge his mood, but he avoided her when he passed by. She shot Aj and Dallas a worried look. It was never a good sign when Negan didn’t seek Zara out. It usually meant he was in no mood to be fucked with. She gulped and slowly made her way behind him. 

Zara stood the the left of Negan, something she’d become accustomed to in the past weeks. It took a few minutes for everyone to gather, and when they did you could hear a pin drop. Negan’s wives slowly made their way down from the fifth floor and the sounds of their clacking heels echoed throughout the stairway. 

Once everyone had gathered, Negan grabbed lucile and used her to clear a circle in the middle of the crowd. He slowly scraped a chair across the floor and placed it in the middle of the room. He looked around the mixed horde of people and cleared he throat. 

“Now, I thought I made myself clear about what’s fucking expected of you.” He began to slowly pace the floor, weaving in and out of the groups of people. 

He spoke with unyielding authority, “you work for points, you earn you’r keep, and you stay safe, thanks to me. Thanks to us,” he said as he lifted lucile to his saviors. “I don’t think we ask for much.” 

He turned to a random man, “do you think I ask for too much?” The poor man vigorously shook his head no. 

Negan’s lip mockingly pouted as he made his way back to the empty chair. He nodded his head and a commotion broke out amongst the people. Zara was pushed back into the crowd.

Six of Negan’s saviors were dragging two people to Negan. Zara attempted to stand on her tip toes to see who they’d grabbed but she was too short to see over the crowds. She saw one of Negan’s saviors swiftly walk by holding what looked like her old sword, and behind them, a man with steel pliers. 

Zara’s heart stopped when she couldn’t find Aj or Dallas’s faces in the crowd. She hastily climbed onto a guard rail and pulled herself up a steel ramp. Once she saw Aj and Dallas in the crowd, she almost began to cry. 

She looked to Negan and audibly gasped. Alina, Negan’s youngest wife was strapped to the medal chair. Her hands were being tied behind her back with thick rope. Two of his saviors held a young man to his knees. Zara knew the kid, his name was Vince. He was twenty two at most and worked in the garden doing hard labor. It never occurred to Zara that he was Alina’s ex husband.

Negan looked up at Zara and smiled. Although he looked very handsome, his teeth gleamed in the sky light like a wolf about to catch it’s prey.

“You see, what we have here are two people who don’t know how to follow simple fucking rules.”

He leaned down in Alina’s crying face and softly spoke to her. “Baby, you know this is a voluntary gig right. I’m no rapist. You always have a choice in the matter.” 

She looked up at him with absolute terror in her eyes. She stuttered as she spoke, “no…no Negan. I want to be with you.” 

He leaned in to her, “what’s that darlin? Say it louder for the people in the back.” 

She tried to speak as loud as she could but the words hysterically squeaked out of her. “I want to be your wife. I love you. I love you Negan.”

He stood up straight and slung Lucile over his shoulder and smiled. “That’s fucking right! You do love me don’t you.” 

He turned to the crowd and thunderously spoke. “Well, Ali girl, I think I may just have to keep you.” He looked at her with a twisted grin. “But I can’t trust you worth a sack of shit, now can I?” She looked to her ex husband Vince and vigorously shook her head and begged, “yes, yes you can trust me Negan. I’ll be good. I’m good. I’ll be good to you.”

Negan pushed at her shoulder with lucile and she stopped talking. 

“You see that shit people. I just can’t trust that pretty face. I want to believe everything that comes out of the beautiful fucking mouth.”

He expression changed and he began to drip with anger. “So how surprised do you think I fucking was when I found out you’ve been fucking around on me!” Her eyes went wide and she turned to look at Vince.

Negan’s anger finally emerged and he swiftly turned and grabbed him by the neck. He began to squeeze him till he practically crushed his wind pipe. Vince was struggling agains the saviors holding him. 

Negan dropped him to the floor and slowly walked to the tall furnace. A savior walked up to him and handed him a set of long steel pliers. He opened the furnace door and the blaring heat hit the crowd like a wave. Everyone repelled back from the intensity of heat. He pulled out a medal iron and place it on a nearby table. 

He turned to Alina and Vince and gave them a maddening smile that made Zara’s blood run cold. The man holding Zara’s old sword walked forward, and Negan stopped him with his hand. 

In a playful voice he spoke to the crowd, “wow! Ain’t this some shit. Looks like we’ve got ourselves a fucking pickle. Which should I use?” His head turned from the blazing hot iron to Zara’s restored sword. 

The only sounds that filled the room were Alina and Vince’s cries for forgiveness and Negan’s vicious laughter. Negan slipped on a thick leather fire resistant mitt. 

He harshly crushed Alina’s small face in his arm. “Tell me the fucking truth and I’ll spare you. Lie to me and, believe me when I say you’ll fucking regret it.” He said with a pause. “Do you fuck your ex husband while I’m gone?”

She looked up into his eyes and her chin began to quiver. She closed her eyes and held her breath with fear. 

She began to answer him when Negan SWIFTLY grabbed the piping hot iron and held it to her face. He held her head in his arm and anchored her flailing body to the chair. The sizzling of her flesh cracked throughout the large room and a scream of agony finally escaped her lips. The ghastly smell of her burning flesh, filled the room.

Negan lifted the iron from her face and a chunk of flesh came with it. He looked down at her with a crazed expression and roughly placed the sizzling hot iron on her scorched face again. She couldn’t inhale, she was in so much pain. Negan pulled the iron from her face, and shook her. She looked at him with agony in her eyes and he pushed her to the floor. Her body, still tied to the chair, began to convulse from shock.

Zara jumped from the ramp and pushed her way to Alina. She pushed past Negan without realizing and began to untie her. 

“Someone give me a wet towel,” she commanded. He looked down at them and laughed. 

Negan turned to Vince and took a single step towards him. Vince was sobbing. He was so terrified that he began to wet his pants. The warm liquid streamed to the floor and Negan erupted in manic laughter. 

Alina’s eyes opened a small crack and she lifted her dazed head and looked at Vince. He was calmed by her and though his body still shook, he set his shoulders straight and rigidly held his body upright. 

Negan’s lips twisted with indignation and he rapidly grabbed for the sword. With one quick movement and flash, Vince’s head was cut clean off his head. It flew into the air, spraying the crowd with his blood. Everyone but Negan and Zara reeled. She felt Alina’s body go limp in her arms. 

Negan lifted the sword in the air and proudly spoke to the crowd.

“You see people, I don’t like to be the bad guy. I didn’t enjoy doing that. I didn’t have a choice in the matter. You fucking break the rules you pay the fucking price. We all know this.” 

His expression changed and he threatened his audience. With an ominous tone he continued.

“But, if you break my fucking rules. If you don’t give me your unyielding loyalty. Well, then I’m just gonna collect your fucking head. Do you mother fuckers got it.”

When Vince’s decapitated head began to reanimate the crowd gasped in horror. Negan laughed and kicked it to his saviors.

“At least, this dead fucker will be of some use. Put him on wall duty.” Even his most loyal saviors couldn’t laugh at such a dark joke. They collected his head in a wicker basket and turned to put him on a pike at the gates. 

Negan looked down at Alina with contempt. His expression swiftly changed to amusement. His eyes shot to Zara and he turned to look at Dallas. When she connected who he was looking at she sharply inhaled. He turned back to her and winked. She felt like throwing up. Her stomach began to knock itself, she’d never felt such fear.


	24. Break Away

Zara was beyond thankful when Negan left her alone in her room that night. He’d enjoyed Kelly’s company that night, probably because she boosted his ego further. For once Zara was grateful for Kelly and her obsession with pleasing Negan. After helping Alina to the medical floor she struggled with her emotions. She let herself grieve under the cold shower water. She scrubbed at her skin in a feeble attempt to get the smell of burning flesh out of her hair. She knew Negan was bad. She knew he was the worst of the worst, so she shouldn’t have been so shocked at his violent display.

The way he reveled in peoples pain and suffering truly terrified her. After returning to her room, she lay awake at night and thought of Aj and Dallas.

 _Both their lives are at risk so long as I’m here. I could tell them to fuck off but they’d never believe me. Maybe I could just except Negan’s offer of marriage and spare them._ She rolled her eyes to herself, _ya, look how good that worked out for Alina._

Zara turned in discomfort and pondered. _Should I escape? What would be the best corse of action for the boys? If I stay, they’d always be under Negan’s thumb. Even if i’m not sleeping with them, he knows Dallas and Aj are the only people I would do anything for. Maybe if I’m gone, one day they can leave too._

She shook her head at the thought. _They’d never leave if I stayed here. I have to figure out a way to escape. To get out. To free us all._

She perked up and quickly sat up from her bed, _I could trick him. I could lead him one way then camp out. After a few weeks he should either give up or assume I’m dead. I wonder if I can find a walker that looks enough like me that I can pass her off as myself._

She sighed and threw herself back on the bed, _what the fuck! That would never work, this isn’t tv. Negan obviously knows what my face looks like! I have to do something though, or else Negan’s gonna kill us all._

When morning struck, Zara lay in her bed looking at the ceiling. Tears were silently falling from the sides of her face. Her jaw hardened and she let out a small croak. She hastily sat up from her mattress and took in her surroundings. She mechanically made her way to the showers.

Towards the end of breakfast Zara leaned to Aj and whispered, “we need to speak. Today. As soon as you can.” Aj nodded and they set a plan to meet in the shed in thirty.

As Zara sat waiting for him in the dark muggy shed, she wondered if she’d have the courage to follow through. When Aj stepped in she hastily cut him off.

He could see the pain in her face and he embraced her. Her body began to shake as she spoke into his shoulder. “Aj, we can’t do this anymore. I… I…I’m calling it quits.”

He pulled away from her abruptly, and she cut him off from speaking again. “You know you can’t change my mind once it’s set. Aj i’m not going to risk your lives anymore. I can’t. I can’t survive this world if you weren’t in it.” She furiously shook her head at him and pushed him away when he tried to reason with her. 

“Aj! Stop! Don’t make this harder than it already is. It has to be this way. Please!” 

She harshly grabbed his face and looked him in the eyes. She said the only think thing she could think that would actually make him listen.

“Aj, Aj, look at me, look at me. He’s not going to kill you. He’s going to kill Dallas. It’s Dallas he’s been after this whole time. I can’t Aj. I can’t. We can’t. We can’t do that.”

Panic stricken at her seriousness, Aj tried again to change her mind. When she felt herself begin to cave, she roughly pushed him away. 

She almost ran out of the shed and when Aj recklessly called to her she swiftly turned to him. She pushed at him and harshly warned, “Aj, I’m going to accept his hand in marriage. There’s nothing more between us! I’m safer this way.”

She yanked her arm from his and returned to the safety of the sanctuary. 

Once she finished prepping her room. She began to put her plans in motion. She was emotionally drained from her confrontation with Aj. She wasn’t sure she convinced him, but she knew that he was safer from Negan if he didn’t know anything. She prayed that he would finally understand when she escaped. She hoped to God that they’d meet again. 

With a big sigh she looked up and said to herself, “no turning back now, it has to be today. ”


	25. Gunshot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: GUN VIOLENCE / CHILD DEATH

That afternoon, Zara stayed near Negan. She didn't want Aj to speak with her, she feared he'd change her mind. This was what she had to do to save them from Negan’s jealously. 

Negan was grateful to have her near. He had been so busy the past few weeks that he’d hardly been able to enjoy her company. He picked up on her sour mood and figured it was due to yesterday’s events.

He smiled to himself at the thought that he might have tamed her. He knew that it would take time, but he’d have her as a wife. But, unlike the others, she wouldn’t be forced into marriage. That was part of why Negan liked her so much, her unyielding stubbornness. 

It was almost seven at night by the time every one gathered to the cafeteria for dinner. Zara could hardly think. Although the room was large, new people were being brought in almost everyday and it was beyond full capacity. The overlapping sounds began to overwhelm her and she felt panic begin to bubble up inside her. 

Dallas walked into the room and looked directly at her. He looked furious. _So I guess he talked to Aj,_ she thought. 

As she was intently thinking about Dallas, a loud gunshot rang out. 

Everyone jumped in their seats. The loud pop was followed by complete silence. Everyone frantically looked around the room in confusion for the source. When no one could locate it, they started talking over each other in frenzied panic.

“It was over here,” one person shouted. “I think I heard it coming from there,” another interjected. People began to crowd around the serving area.

An ear piercing scream came from the pantry.

Negan and Zara ran to the voice with panicked urgency. Negan abruptly stopped and Zara harshly ran into his hard body. He was blocking her view and she heard a strange gurgling nose. She could feel his body stiffen and she pulled herself over his shoulder to see what he was looking at. 

To her absolute horror she looked down at a small seven year old boy she’d seen running around the compound earlier. He was propped against the pantry wall covered in blood. For a split second his panicked eyes looked into Negan’s for help. His small body jerked and his eyes went hollow. A small gun lay near his little hand.

Zara clung to Negan’s body and covered her mouth in absolute shock. She heard a loud sheik from behind her. “What is it! What is it! Where is he? Jason were are you! Answer me right now! My baby, has anyone seen my boy. Jason!”

Zara was afraid to turn and she put her head on Negan’s shoulder and began to cry. She could feel his body shaking. The woman frantically clawed at the crowd and pushed her way threw. When she stood behind Negan she saw a peek of her son’s limp body on the ground. Her face went blank and she slowly walked to her dead son in a calm trance. She fell to her knees and let out an agonizing shriek. 

cradling his little body in her arms, she began to hysterically scream out his name. Tears, drool and snot covered her pain stricken face and she began to feverishly rock herself as she violently shook her head. She looked up and her eyes connected with Negan’s. Zara felt his body stiffen. 

“You did this. You fucking monster. You brought us here and now he’s dead. You fucking bastard! This is no place for a kid.” 

Her voice rang out throughout the large room. 

Unhinged, she began to frantically look around the floor. Her eyes widened and she picked up the discarded Glock 42. Before Negan could move, she held her child close to her body and placed the gun to her temple. She closed her eyes, and pulled the trigger.

Her blood splattered on Negan and Zara. The loud gunshot echoed in the silent cafeteria. Zara’s legs buckled under her and she fell to the floor. 

Negan turned to the boy, he pulled the gun from his holster and aimed it at the child's head. Negan wanted to close his eyes and shield himself from the horror. He squeezed the trigger and second shot rang out.

Negan bent down and retrieved the Glock from her lifeless hand. He turned to the crowd. Despite everything she’d seen from him, she’d never see him so furious, so full of rage. He held up the bloodied gun and spoke in a loud booming voice. 

“Who’s fucking gun is this? I want to know what fucking imbecile left their fucking gun unattended while there are mother fucking kids around.”

When no one came forward, Negan voice became thunderous. “Who’s responsible for… for this! Who the fuck owns this gun!”

Fed up with the their silence, Negan shouted in an ear splitting command. “Whoever the fuck was assigned this gun better speak the fuck up now before I have someone look at the books and figure it the fuck out.”

Zara heard a small whimper from the crowd. One of Negan’s saviors reluctantly stepped forward. He attempted to clear his throat before quietly confessing. “It…It’s mine. I don’t know how he got it but it’s …”

Negan’s face twisted with rage. He furiously walked to him and threw him to the floor. Without hesitation he shot him between the eyes. Negan’s lip curled with disgust and he smeared the blood splatter from his face. He spit at his lifeless body and turned to the people. 

“Let this be a fucking lesson to you all.” His body jerked and he turned from the crowd with revulsion. He marched to his room. Zara knew he was on the brink of insanity. In a split second she made the insane decision to follow him. She had to keep him away from the masses of people. He wasn’t in the right state of mind and she feared he was going to do something unthinkable.


	26. His Love

By the time Zara made it to the fifth floor, her fear began to take hold. She wanted so badly to turn around and run away from it all, but she knew in her heart that Negan was not in a good place. Uncertain of her decision to pursue him, Zara slowly opened his bedroom door. She heard the water running from his shower. She slowly walked to his bed and sat down. 

She saw his powerful, naked body step out of the cold shower. He put on a pair of black boxer briefs and began to towel dry his dripping hair. He paused when he saw his reflection in the mirror. He intently stared in deep thought. 

Zara was about to speak when Negan suddenly began smashing the mirror. He manically grabbed for anything in his reach and thew it at the glass. When he’d smashed the mirror to pieces and had nothing left to throw he angrily stalked into the room. 

“Fuck! God damnit! I hate this fucking world! I hate this fucking place,” he shouted.

His body was hard and flexed and the demented look in his eyes made Zara back into the headboard. He picked up the heavy dresser next to his bed and threw it across the room. Like a lunatic, he lunged for whatever he could grasp and continued destroying anything in his path. Zara had to duck and hide from the carnage. Large pieces of furniture whooshed near her head several times. 

She was waiting for Negan to tire but she looked into his hysterical face and realized he wouldn’t stop himself. She had to calm him down. She hesitated to touch him for fear he would pick her up and throw her too. She held her breath and ran to him. 

Zara threw her body to his and held tight to his chest. He swung her body wildly. She felt like she was on a bull, fighting for her life holding on. She screamed at him, “Negan! Negan it’s me! Negan! Stop it!”

She released his torso and frantically grabbed his face. When she couldn’t get his attention, she wrapped her arms around his neck and screamed. He looked down at her with snarling teeth and his eyes intently looked into hers. 

He slowly began to blink and she felt his body begin to soften. She released him and he slowly sauntered to the edge of the bed. Completely defeated, Negan sat down. He brought his hands to his face and covered himself in shame. 

Zara saw his shoulders began to shake. The silence in the room was broken when Negan began to softly cry. His quiet cries soon turned into loud uncontrollable sobs. He was hardly able to catch his breath. He took large panicked gulps of air and began to hyperventilate.

Before consoling him, Zara paused. Her face hardened. She hadn’t forgotten that this was the man who had caused others intense pain. He’d forced himself on those who couldn’t defend themselves. He most certainly wasn’t a good guy. But in that moment he was just a human being that was in need of compassion. 

Tears fell from her face as she cautiously walked to him. She felt like she was approaching a wild animal. Zara lifted her hand and hesitated again. A sad cry escaped him and she gently ran her fingers thew his hair. Her own hand shook with shock, rage and sadness at what happened downstairs. 

He tried to softly speak between his sobs. He dropped his hands from his face and she saw the raw pain in his eyes.

Zara fell to her knees and looked up at him. He hung his head to the floor. She cupped his wet face in her hands and tried to get him to look at her. When he wouldn’t, she entangled her small hands in his and brought them to her face. 

Gently holding his hands to her lips, she spoke softly to him. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry that happened. I’m sorry you had to do that Negan.” 

He closed his eyes tight and tried to speak again. When he couldn’t Zara scooted closer to him and hugged his knees with her body. 

“It wasn’t your fault Negan. That wasn’t your fault. You did nothing wrong.” 

His sad eyes opened and he looked deeply into hers. His tear streaked face was too much for her to handle. He had so much pain in his eyes. 

“Baby, it wasn’t your fault. There was nothing you cold have done. Baby, baby look at me,” she whispered. 

His chest was rapidly moving up and down and silence filled the room. The intensity of his stare made her lean away from him. His eyes pleaded with her and she knew in that moment, for the first time, he was asking for her to love him. He was asking for her words, her comfort and her love. 

The thought of love brought Aj to her mind. She loved him with all her heart. He’d given her something to live for. 

In that split second she had a hard decision to make. Her heart belonged to Aj, and she knew Negan was capable of horrible things. She knew it made no logical sense but she wanted to take Negan’s pain away. She wanted to distract him from the horrific moment he just lived threw. She wanted him to feel something, anything, other than the raw pain he currently felt.

He lifted his face to hers and gave her a soft tender kiss. Zara drew in a large unsteady breath and slowly wrapped her arms around his neck. He lifted her from the floor, cradling her in his strong arms.

He took three large steps to the other side of his bed and grabbed the bedding. With incredible force he threw it off the bed, along with all the cracked pieces of furniture that were scattered on the top of it. 

He placed her softly onto the mattress. They both hurriedly undressed, and he lowered himself over her naked body. She pressed her hands to him and slowly caressed his hard chest. He leaned in to kiss her. She slid her tongue into his mouth and explored his kiss. 

He carefully sifted his weight and dropped his hips to hers. Looking down at her with gentleness in his eyes, he cradled the side of her face with his calloused hand. “I love you,” he softly said against her parted lips. She tenderly ran her hand threw his hair and pulled him closer in a welcoming kiss. 

She nodded her head at him with approval and he slowly entered her. She arched and welcomed his soft touch. Their bodies thrust into each other with a steady rhythm, and they began to moving in gentle unison. Every movement, every thrust, every embrace was tender and loving.

After they climaxed in each others embrace, Negan gave her a sweet long kiss. He kissed her forehead and snuggled deeper into her embrace. 

Negan lay in bed at peace, he let her small arms hold him, and for once, he fell asleep first. 

Zara silently held him as she looked up at the ceiling. She was petrified. She closed her eyes and gulped as she thought to herself, _"I've got less than an hour before I have to escape."_


	27. Now or Never

Zara lay, holding Negan in her arms. She knew the next twelve hours would be the scariest of her life. She was already so tired from her day. Her frantic thoughts bounced from the hurt expression on Aj’s face, the mother and her son, and Negan’s confession of love.

The sun had just set and Zara knew she needed to leave soon. After laying with Negan few minutes more, she slid away from his body and quietly began to dress. Walking to the door, she stepped over the mess of broken wood and glass on the floor. She knew Negan was extremely exhausted from his day. She figured he’d sleep threw her exit. It wasn’t abnormal for her to leave after sex. At that point, she stubbornly refused to sleep in his bed. She only agreed to go to his room because Aj couldn’t hear them so well.

The moment she exited the fifth floor she hastily made her way down stairs. Everyone was still in a state of calm panic. She was relieved when to see people were avoiding eye contact with each other . Everyone was still disgusted and shocked by the accident. 

Zara quickly made her way to the kitchen, making great effort to take the long route so she wouldn’t pass the cafeteria pantry. Once she made her way to the back kitchen, she looked around and spotted a large bag she could sling across her shoulder. She knew cans would be too heavy so she lifted the under hatch of the bench and began loading the bag with military grade MRE’s. She grabbed at the ready to eat meals and stuffed her bag with as many dehydrated brownies as she could. They tasted like shit but she knew they were packed with calories. 

When she turned to leave, a lone cafeteria worker stood staring at her with indignation. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” He asked with authority. 

Zara knew this might happen so she stood to her full hight and hardened her face.

“I’m getting Negan some fucking food. That’s what I’m doing.” When he gave her a questioning look she laughed. “So when Negan asks me why I took so long to go to his bed, shall I give him your name?”

His eyes bulged half out of his head and he quickly walked past her, “no, sorry, sorry!”

Zara left from the back of the building, grabbing a random assortment of cutlery that had been left on the kitchen counter. She casually walked to the gates with the large bag slung over her shoulder. She turned left towards the open bunker that held the dry wood. She was terrified she’d be questioned.

She frantically looked for the faded orange ford truck and cried out when she finally saw it. Reaching under the hood, she pulled the keys from its underside. Quietly opening the door, she loaded her bag of food. She had her old hiking backpack already loaded inside along with another small backpack with supplies. 

Zara’s hand was shaking so bad that she had trouble putting the key into the ignition. She let out a loud exhale and steadied herself. When the truck started, she began to feel her heartbeat in her ears.

Without turning on the lights she quietly pushed the truck to the small abandoned gate. Being a savior, she knew this small gate was only opened to collect wood. It was a labor intensive job. You were on somebody’s shit list if you were on gate duty for this side of the sanctuary. 

Zara cursed under her breath when she saw that Kate was on guard duty. Zara felt immensely guilty that Kate might get in trouble for not seeing her leave. She hoped that Kate would be smart enough to lie to Negan and make up a good excuse, even if it was at Zara’s expense.

Zara put the truck in park and grabbed at the floor. She frantically searched the earth till her hands found the bolt cutters that she’d buried beneath the soil that morning. She looked for the weakest link and cut threw the chain. When she drove past the fence she returned to the gate and attempted to reconnect the chain, making it look as thought it was never cut. She hid her tire tracks as best as she could. 

Though she was panicked for time, she drove excruciatingly slow. Looking into her rear view mirror she saw the sanctuary finally disappear, tears began to fall from her face. She finally turned on her head light and drove away as fast as she could. 

She drove for forty minutes before she finally recognized the store fronts near the bunker she’d shown Aj. Zara pulled to a stop near the main street and pulled everything from the truck. She left all the doors open and methodically thew the keys high and far into the street. Zara pulled her knife out and pierced the tire. She looked at the abandoned cars around her and randomly cracked some of their windows open. She was terrified of the darkness and kept hearing walkers behind her. Every time she turned to fight she was met with vast nothingness. 

She strapped on her large hiking backpack, threw the large tote over her shoulders and tied a small back pack to her front. With only a few hours of darkness left she entered the forrest. 

The only source of light she used was her small military grade flash light. It wasn’t anything special but she could put a red colored lens over it, which improved her night vision and made her less easy to spot from a distance. It was immensely useful but the red glow, gave her a panic stricken feeling. 

As she made her way to the underground bunker she began to cry. Her face and body were covered with scratches and scrapes from the foliage. It took her twice as long to move through the forrest because she was trying her absolute best to leaving a trail. 

When she finally spotted the fallen tree trunk near the hatch, she almost fell to her knees. She would have but she didn’t want to leave any sign of detection. Beyond tired, she untied the hatch and lifted it. She quietly dropped her backpack into the dark hole and harshly fell inside. 

Her body thudded to the hard damp floor and she cried out with exhaustion. She wanted to lay there and sleep but she knew her life depended on completing her escape to the absolute finish. She felt around the darkness and found her flashlight on the ground and gave it a good squeeze for reassurance as she stood to close the hatch. 

Once she secured the roof she draped her tired body over her bags and fell to the floor. She hyperventilated until she was finally able to steady her breath. While she drank from her canteen she listened to the sounds of the calming woods. Turning off her flashlight, she prayed to God that her bunker was hidden enough. She knew that Negan would be combing threw the area. 

Hours later, Zara’s eyes groggily opened to the darkness. She drew her eyebrows together with confusion and frantically sat up. Remembering where she was, she reached for her small flashlight in a panic. The room illuminated with a red hue and she rapidly blinked her eyes till they adjusted. 

“Fuck,” she whispered to herself. Her body hurt. She pulled the bags from beneath her and pushed them to the corners of the small bunker. 

She tried to find humor in the situation but nothing came to mind. She began to feel claustrophobic and she remembered what her grandpa once told her when she complained about her small room. _“If Saddam Hussein can hide in a hole for nine months, you can manage.”_ With that wisdom she laughed. She looked around the room again and smiled in thought, _this place is bigger than his hole. I can do this. Thanks grandpa._

She sat against her hiking backpack and reflected on her escape. She’d buried the bolt cutters and packed the truck after she spoke with Aj. She knew she could only get so far in a car. Negan would catch her. So she took what was most efficient, the small truck. It was used for collecting wood and Zara knew it would be one of the last cars they’d check. Even then, it wasn’t completely unusual for someone to mistakenly park it with the hummers. 

Zara counted on the fear Negan wielded. She prayed the cafeteria worker and those that saw her walking, would cover their asses and lie.  
She wished she could have just driven till her truck ran out of gas, but she knew Negan had the hummers and gas to quickly catch up with her. She hoped that he would assume she got a flat and broke into another car and continued driving. 

Zara knew her best course of action would be to backtrack from her abandoned truck. He wouldn’t count on her camping closer to the sanctuary. Hopefully he wouldn’t count on her being underground as well. 

Before the sun rose, Zara cautiously lifted the latch and scanned her surroundings. She quickly took care of her bathroom needs. With a bit more daylight and what little rest she got, she was able to back track and cover her tracks better. 

When she returned back to bunker she took her last longing look at the outside world and closed the hatch. She prayed Negan would think she was on the move. She tried her best to throw him off.

She lay against her pack with a small tea light flickering at her feet. She wondered if Negan discovered she was missing yet. He probably went to her room earlier than usual for comfort.

Zara dropped her head with sadness. Negan may be a bastard, but she felt like a piece of shit for making love to him the way she did and leaving him at his most venerable. She recalled what he’d told one of his saviors before, “Careful, she’ll fuck you up if she see’s any weakness.”

She knew he’d be furious with her for leaving, but now she wondered if he’d kill her for leaving after he told her he loved her.


	28. Bunker Down

It had been around three weeks since she’d left the sanctuary. Zara wasn’t exactly sure how many days she’d been gone, she was so focused on covering her tracks and surviving that she lost track of the days.

After being cautious the first week, she was now able to scavenge to pass the time. It kept her active and she was able to distract herself from her thoughts. She regretted leaving Aj. There wasn’t much room in the bunker but she still wished he was with her. She wondered if he connected that she’d be camped in the bunker. It was the most logical place for her to be. 

She prayed that he knew she’d always be waiting and looking for him. She left the sanctuary in the hopes that Dallas and Aj would be able to escape too. Her thoughts were starting to make her doubt her plan. 

_I should have left a letter for Aj. Does he know that I left to keep him safe? Or does he think I left to escape Negan? No matter how I made it look, Aj should know that I’m hiding out here. I don’t think he’d ever believe I’d willingly marry Negan._ She buried her face in her hands in frustration. 

_What if Negan thinks they knew about my escape? Are Aj and Dallas even alive! Will I ever see them again?_

For the first few days Zara could think of nothing other than what Negan would do to her if he ever found her. Now she couldn’t take her mind off of AJ. She felt extremely depressed without his words of encouragement and comfort. She hadn’t realized how much hope he’d brought into her life.  
She smiled when she thought of their first meeting. She shamed him for months for being such a pig. Once she got to know him she realized how out of character that was for him. Zara thought about all the moments they shared together. She’d spent weeks working with Aj and his laughter, kindness and friendship were what made her fall in love with him. He felt like a best friend. 

She kept having nightmares of Negan burning his young wife, face. She was more terrified of him than ever. Zara truly didn’t know what Negan was capable of anymore. She kept having a recurring nightmare where Negan burned her face while telling her he loved her. 

But most troubling of all, were the dreams where she burned her own face with the iron. Zara avoided thinking about the symbolism of it but she knew in her heart what it meant. She was more terrified of Negan now because he’d confessed his love for her. She knew he meant it when he said I love you. She knew he was telling the truth because she was feeling the same love for him. 

She adamantly tried to deny it to herself but her lone thoughts in the forrest got the better of her. Zara felt something between them that last night she’d been with him. Upon reflection, she knew she didn’t follow Negan to the fifth floor to protect the people. She followed him because he was hurting, and she cared for him. She wanted to make sure he was okay.

She felt shame for days when she’d come to realize a part of her loved Negan back. She admitted to herself that she could have loved him with all her heart if he didn’t revel in peoples pain and suffering. It was when he showed his evil side that Zara began turning away from him. 

Zara snapped out of her muddled thoughts. She looked threw her arsenal of food and pulled a MRE from her bag. She looked at it with disgust and threw it back in the bag. She’d was sick of her ready made meals. They were all very high in calories and she rolled her eyes at the thought that she probably gained a pound or two since escaping. She was so small already so she didn’t really care. _I need some fucking real food,_ she thought to herself. 

Zara opened the hatch of her bunker. The blinding sunlight made her temples throb. “Woah!” she laughed to herself. 

Lifting herself out of the bunker she quietly slung the tote over her shoulders and silently made her way to the abandoned buildings. She stepped onto the cracked asphalt and looked at her surroundings. Something felt off. She quickly darted her eyes to several traps she’d set around the buildings. Nothing was tripped so she made her way to the abandoned pharmacy with extreme caution. 

She was hoping to snag a bag of toffee candy. She found one a week ago and they’d been God sent. The glass crunched under her feet as she carefully made her way into the building. She paused with every step, making sure to listen for other noises. 

Zara relaxed and began picking her way threw the store collecting random odds and ends that she could utilize. She took a step and jerked. Her ears perked at a sound and her heart began to wildly beat. She paused and her eyes darted from left to right. She lifted her chin and tried to look over the aisles. When she saw nothing she took another step. 

Her head snapped to the left and she inhaled sharply. She definitely heard something. As quietly as she could, she bent to the floor and got on her hands and knees. She pressed her face to the dirty floor.

Her eyes widened at the sight of boots.

Zara had a second of realization before she flung her frantic body to the other side of the wall. She hit her back painfully agains the metal aisle and flailed her arms in the air. She quickly pulled off her bag and pulled the knife from her back pocket. 

Her hand shook with fear and she held her breath as she waited for someone to walk around the aisle. After a minute of silence Zara’s breathing began to normalize. She placed her face to the ground and looked again. One of the boots had fallen to the side, revealing that they were empty. She let out a shaky sigh of relief. 

She held her knife into the air but it trembled with her body. She quietly stood and made her way around the aisle to grab the boots. She could use the laces, she thought to herself.

Zara turned to the aisle and stopped the moment she saw the boots. She recognized them. 

They were Negan’s boots. 

Zara’s eyes widened with absolute terror as she looked down at the dusty foot prints left on the floor. 

She saw a flash of darkness before something large hit her to the floor. She kicked, punched and clawed at whatever had her pinned. She felt her body begin to constrict and she gasped for air. Her hair covered her face and she thrashed her head around trying to breath. 

She frantically shimmied her right arm free and lifted the hair from her face. She inhaled a large shaky gasp of air and looked up into Negan’s manic eyes.


	29. Innie, Meenie, Miney, Moe

The rabid look on Negan’s face made Zara’s face pale. Her eyes darted to the knife on the floor and Negan rapidly kicked it away from her. 

“Don’t even fucking think about it,” it snarled at her. 

She began to wildly struggle against him. Her hysterical fear took over and he began to loose his grip on her. 

“Don’t fucking fight with me Zara!” His voice commanded with rage. 

Her body was half way free and she wildly kicked at his body. Her foot almost hit his jaw and he harshly let go of her. Her limbs flailed and she pulled herself up. She frantically ran to the back pharmacy. Looking around the room in a panic, Zara searched for a way out. 

She knew she was trapped but panic still told her to hide. She cowered under a desk that was pushed against the pharmacy’s back wall. She tilted her head to the sky trying desperately to hide her erratic breathing from Negan. 

She heard him slowly walk into the room and a loud dragging noise followed him. Her eyes closed and her heart sank when she realized he was dragging lucile behind him. 

“You know, you’re very fucking smart to have lied to your friends.” 

He let out a mocking laugh, “boy did we beat there asses, and those mother fuckers still didn’t cave. Shiiit, they only talked when we started cutting off their fingers.”

Zara audibly gulped back her vomit. 

“You are one smart son of a bitch I’ll give you that. I was searching for you way farther out. Thought you hot wired a car. Pretty fucking smart of you darlin.”

Negan swung lucile against a desk and she covered her mouth from screaming. 

“You know, I don’t even know where the fuck you’re stayin. Wouldn’t of fuckin’ thought to look for you out here, but Nick gave me the idea to keep some men staked out. Sure as shit, one of my men calls me over the walkie telling me he thinks he’s seen you.”

He swung lucile harshly on the desk in front of her. “Shit, the second he spotted you, you know I had to haul my ass down here and come get my girl.” 

Negan dragged lucile across the desk she was under. She knew he had her. She closed her eyes and tightened her body into a ball. 

He pointed to the fallen desks that lay on the floor. “Inney, meenie, miney… moe.”

He pushed the desk back and pounced on Zara. She tried fighting him with all her strength but he was too strong. She felt him bring her arms together and she heard the distinct sound of hand cuffs clicking. 

With her hands somewhat restrained Negan began wrapping her ankles together with his belt. He used his weight to hold her still as he harshly tied her feet together and threw her over his shoulder. The wind was knocked out of her as his shoulder dug into her stomach. 

She was so disoriented, she felt like he took three steps to get outside. He threw her hard to the floor and Zara struggled to inhale. She scrambled to get away from him. 

He swiftly bend down and pulled her shoes off. He looked into them and her blades shined back at him. He laughed and threw then far into the distance. Once he searched her body for any hidden weapons he harshly pushed her away from him. 

Zara’s heart was pounding out of her chest. He spoke to her with raw rasping rage in his voice. 

“I pride myself on never striking a lady, and boy do you fucking test me girl! But,” he said with a terrifying smile, “I’m gonna beat that pride out of you, right now.”

In one fluid motion he jerked her pants and panties down and bent her body over. Panic set in, she thought he was going to rape her. He flipped her body over again so she was bent across his lap. He held both his legs over hers, imprisoning her with his thighs. 

Every time she tried to jerk out of his hold he’d painfully squeeze her tighter. Her shoulders almost popped from their sockets when she pulled away from him. He repeatedly jerked her body back into position. If she began to move away from him, he harshly thrashed her body around. At on point he roughly held her face to his knee and he could feel her cheek bone begin to compress.

“This,” he commanded, as his hand painfully crashed against her naked skin, “is for leaving!” Zara’s body painfully jerked with each blow. 

“This, is for all the fucking men and women who’ve been looking for you for the past three weeks!” 

“This is for food you stole … the truck you took… the fence you cut… your stubbornness…”

He thrashed her backside till she began to bleed. Zara let out small whimpers with each wave of relentless pain. Her refusal to cry out or speak made him insane with rage and he continued to bring his crashing hand down on her with all his might. He was sure he cracked her tail bone.

“And this,” he said as he lifted his hand, “is for playing me the night before!” In one final motion he struck down with all his force. 

She finally let out a loud cry of pain and he pushed her to the floor, disgusted with himself. He stood over her wilted body and she feebly attempted to pull her tangled pants back up. She painfully winced as they reached her thighs. 

She looked up at him and clearly saw his face for the first time. His sunken eyes had black bags under them, he looked like he hadn’t been sleeping. 

He began to move towards her and she flinched.

He gently lifted her into his arms and began walking to his hummer in the distance. Her adrenaline started to quickly ware off and her head bounced with exhaustion. She relaxed her body and readied herself for death.

He cradled her body to his and softly kissed the top of her head. 

“Let’s go home.”


	30. The Hole

Negan gently loaded Zara into the hummer. The moment he laid her onto the seat she closed her eyes. Her body throbbed from the pain. She couldn’t even think about how terrified she was, she could only concentrate on her breathing. 

To Negan’s credit, he drove cautiously, weaving in and out of the trail avoiding pot holes along the way. He gently stroked her head whenever he wasn’t holding the steering wheel with both hands.

The sanctuary must have known of his return because his hummer smoothly drove past the gates without pause. Zara felt the car jerk to a stop and a wave of pain shot threw her body. She felt pain over her legs, backside, stomach, shoulders and face. Though Negan didn’t beat her, she looked like he had. The pain was so intense she almost regretted how much she fought back. 

Negan happily stepped out of the car and a large crowd started to form. He reached for her and pulled Zara’s bruised battered body out of the car. He walked to the building cradling her to his chest. 

Her body bounced lifelessly in his arms and the horrified looks from the crowd made Negan smile. He winked at Dallas and saw him grab Aj’s forearm. He smiled when he got a reaction out of him. 

Confidently stalking into the building, Negan brought her to the hole. He gently placed her on the filthy cot. 

Zara opened her eyes and met his stare. He looked at her with genuine sadness and held her limp hand in his. Their eyes began to roam each others faces, they both looked tired and withered. Her eyes filled with tears. Negan regretfully shook his head at her and stood to leave.

When his hand turned the knob, Zara finally spoke.

With a soft broken voice she said. 

“I didn’t plan for that to … to happen.” She let out a small sigh. “I’m not sorry I left. But I’m sorry I left when you were… hurting.”

Negan looked back at her with surprise. Zara knew she didn’t explain her feelings well, but she hoped he understood what she was unsuccessful trying to say. She wanted him to know she didn’t plan on making love with him the night she left. She hoped he knew that night was not part of her plan to escape. 

His eyes intently studied her expression and he slowly walked to her. He pulled a red bandana from his back pocket and tied it around her delicate neck, then turned to leave. She closed her eyes and slept. 

Zara spent the following two weeks locked in the hole. She was confined to a small, dark, make shift jail cell. The cold hard room was void of any comforts and she spent her days laying on her cot staring at the wall. 

She didn’t move much the first week, as she was still recovering from Negan’s punishment. She stopped limping after a few days. Her face had almost healed and the bruises on her body were only mildly painful, though they still looked bad. 

She wasn’t aloud visitors and her only company was Negan. He visited her everyday for the first week. When she first refused to speak, he took away her blankets for the night. When she refused his kiss he denied her the bathroom. He kept pushing the limits with what he could take away until he finally took away her food for refusing his hand in marriage. 

He gave her water and powdered milk for five days before he caved and had a sandwich brought to her. He would have given it to her himself but he had to visit one of his communities which was a two day visit away. Now that he was returning to the sanctuary, he was eager to visit his little prisoner. 

He arrived to worried faces. “What?” He commanded before they even spoke.

A timid guard informed Negan that Zara had refused all food they’d brought her in the last two days. “When was the last time she drank water?” He questioned with concern. When they exchanged confused looks Negan angrily looked at them. “Jesus! You don’t know the last fucking time she drank water!” He began to run to her cell.

The moment he looked at her state, he instructed his saviors to set up his room accordingly. 

_I’ve finally broken her,_ he worriedly thought to himself.

He lifted her frail body and carried her to his room. He gently cradled her on the bed and propped her body up with his arms. She hopelessly looked up at him and laid her head on his chest. 

“Okay, baby, we’re gonna get you all fixed up,” he coo’ed at her. 

He pulled the joint and lighter from his night stand and lit it in his mouth. When she wouldn’t hold it to her lips he took small puffs and tried to blow it to her face. Unsuccessful in his efforts, he cupped her face and gently blew into her nose. Her small shoulders rocked as she coughed.

Smiling, he began stroking her hair as he softly spoke to her. “That’s it. Good girl. We gotta get you feelin’ better.” The pungent smell filled his room as he smoked the whole joint. He felt her body begin to relax and when the last of his men left his bathroom he began to undress Zara. 

He lifted her naked body and carried her to the large clawfoot tub that was currently filled with piping hot water. He hardly ever took hot baths because it took forever for the water to heat and it had to be carried to his room in buckets. 

He lowered her tiny body into the steaming water and her face began to come to life. Her eyes closed and she tilted her head back into the water. A moan of satisfaction escaped her lips and Negan felt his member begin to harden. 

He soaped her hair first. He massaged his fingers into her scalp and her mouth hung open with pleasure. “You know it won’t be so bad,” he began saying to her. “I can give you a warm bath every night if that’s what you want.”

After pouring the clean water over her hair he squeezed out the water and tied it in a loose knot with a rubber band. He soaped his hands and caressed every inch of her body; from the back of her ears to the tips of her toes, he left no area untouched. 

He was rock hard and wanted to fuck her till she cried out. But he restrained himself. He knew she was in no state to exert herself. He lifted her out of the water and it glistened with wetness. 

He carefully towel dried her body. He dressed her in a pair of his boxer briefs and slipped his large white shirt over her full breasts. He tucked her into bed and brought her the cup on his nightstand. He lifted the warm broth to her lips and helped her drink.

After she finished half a glass she laid her head on the pillows and closed her eyes with sheer exhaustion. Negan left her and took a quick shower in the freezing water. 

When he dried himself off he slid under the covers and cradled her warm body to his naked one. He smiled with satisfaction as he thought, _tomorrow is her first day as my wife._


	31. Rules

For once, Negan woke up first. His eyes groggily opened and he stared down at her tired peaceful face. Around week three of her escape, he truly thought he lost her. He couldn’t believe his luck when they radioed that they may have found her. 

He shook his head in amusement. He should have known she’d out maneuver him. He was sure he searched those buildings thoroughly but she must have been hiding in a crawl space. He couldn’t figure out how she survived out there without being spotted.

At the time, he was furious with her. He didn’t know what made him more angry, her escape or her deception of love. Though he was still extremely rough, he actually held back when he was spanking her. If he didn’t love her so much he would have strangled her. 

He was still grappling with her punishment when she apologized to him. He left the room stunned. He knew how much effort it took her to stay quiet during the spanking, so he was taken aback when she willingly apologized to him for leaving after he’d professed his love to her.

Something inside him burned when he realized that night was as real for her as it was for him. They both knew she damaged his heart, not his ego like everyone else assumed. She could have said anything to him, especially those being the first words she choose to speak to him. Her apology was the one he least expected and most wanted to hear. 

It was then, when he’d realized he had forgiveness in his heart for her. They could work this out. Although she’d broken a pretty big fucking rule, he admired the hell out of her and that deserved something. Plus, he didn’t actually want her like his other wives, shallow, fearful, gold digging opportunist’s. 

He smiled when she began to stir. 

“Good morning sweetheart,” he cooed.

Her eyebrows shot together with worry but her body stayed relaxed in his arms. 

He brought his hand to her face and began stroking her hair. She would have shoved him off if his touch hadn’t felt so good. She’d had no other human contact for over a month. She tilted her head so he could scratch her better and he laughed. 

“Now we both know what can happen when I loose my patience,” he smiled. “And I think I’ve been pretty damn patience with you about becoming a wife.”

She began to stir in his arms and he gently held her in place.

“Na uh,” he said as he slowly wagged his finger at her. He let out a breathless laugh. “You don’t really have a choice, now do you baby. I mean, I’m not a rapist. You know that. And I know that.” He swiftly kissed her lips and smiled down at her. “We both know that.” 

His face leaned down to hers and he said with a friendly tone, “But baby, either you bend to my fucking will, or I’m gonna make your little buddies of yours work on the wall.”

She audibly gulped, she knew he was referring to putting their severed heads on the wall outside of the sanctuary gates.  
She pictured their heads on pikes and her face grew pale. When he mistook her expression he added, “there’s good news and I guess bad news. Well,” he cockily added, “not bad news for me.”

He lifted her chin and they locked eyes, “You ARE going to be my wife. You will sleep with me every night in my bed unless I say other wise. You will no longer except food from anyone other than me. You will no longer be allowed on the fourth floor. No more drinking with friends. If you get drunk, you get get drunk with me. Are my rules clear?”

When she slowly nodded her head he continued. “I have some good news that I think you might like.” 

When she realized he wanted her to speak, she cleared her throat and softly asked, “what news?” 

He smiled at her with reassurance. “Well, the bad news is you gotta wear the dress and live with the other wives.” He put his hand up when he expected her to complain.

“Now I know you got some weird hangup about the black dresses, and to be honest I don’t wanna see you in some goddamn black dress. So I’m compromising with you and I’m giving you a choice in the matter.” 

He pointed to the door in the corner of the room.

“Now you see that room there, that’s were your cloths are. You get to choose from the pretty dresses me and Mindy picked for you. She worked very hard to pick stuff she thought you’d like.”

He winked at her and smiled, “now the other rule is a game changer. See, I know that you’re gonna follow my rules from here on out.” When she didn’t automatically nod her head he repeated himself. “Right?” 

When she unenthusiastically nodded her head he perked up and smiled. 

“Right! Well, I think you’re pretty fucking special. I know you’re not like the other wives who live for this shit,” he said as he pointed to all the luxuries around the room. “I’m gonna grant you freedom to leave the fifth floor. You’re banned from any weapons of course.” He laughed with condescension.

“And I’ll even let you hang out with your savior friends from time to time. But you’re mostly gonna be out in the field with me.” She perked up and he smiled in response.

He kissed her forehead and breathlessly spoke into her hair. “When you’re happy, I’m happy, and when I’m happy, everybody lives.” Zara felt goosebumps chill her skin. 

He stood up and quickly began to dress. “Fuck, I just remembered, I still gotta give the morning announcement. You get dressed and come find me whenever you’ve finished speaking with Mindy.”

He thankfully left without kissing her again and she let out a large sigh of relief when she heard him walk down stairs. She lifted her body from the bed and felt herself sway.

 _Holy hell I need to eat,_ she thought. It wasn’t that she couldn’t eat before. She just temporarily lost the will to live. She still had little hope. But now, the thought that she might be able to speak with Aj again brought new breath into her. 

She unsteadily walked to the bathroom and found a new toothbrush laid out with face wash and lotion. “I guess this is for me?” She said, to no one but herself. 

She sighed, leaned against the counter and closed her eyes. “I’m his fucking wife.” 

She looked down at her body. Though her ribs were visible, she thought she still looked okay. Her eyebrows pulled together when she looked at her breasts. She squeezed them and made a painful face. _My chest still hurts from struggling against Negan,_ she thought.

She looked at her reflection and lost her previous train of thought. He skin looked withered and rough. She’d never seen her skin so pale before. She’d never been this skinny either. Her cheekbones were more prominent than before and her sunken eyes had dark circles underneath them. She looked as tired and useless as she felt. 

When she was done in the bathroom she walked to the closet and stood staring at the dresses hung before her. They were surprisingly nice. She put on the simple cotton dress. The cream colored fabric clung to her shoulders and plunged in a deep v. The fabric flowed at her small waist and stopped at her mid thigh. She rolled her eyes when she saw the panties Negan had chosen for her. She looked down at the cream colored lace boy shorts. _At least my ass is covered,_ she gratefully thought. 

He left her with a grey pair of simple keds. _Of course he doesn’t trust you to wear boots anymore,_ she thought. As she walked outside his room she could feel the cold air under her dress and she was sure her ass had to be showing. 

She looked at the mirror from all angles and confirmed it was not. 

She finally and reluctantly stepped outside of his room. 

Four of the wives quickly snapped their heads to her. Zara couldn’t tell who was missing. Everyone but Mindy turned away from her. Mindy patted the open seat next to her and gestured to the tray of fruits and nuts on the table. Zara slowly walked to her as she began to drool from the smell of the food. 

Once she sat down she eagerly began devouring the peeled tangerines. Mindy put her hand on Zara’s knee. “Z, right?” When Zara reluctantly nodded, Mindy softly spoke to her. “Oh honey, I know this isn’t easy, love. It’s a hard transition we’ve all had to make. But you, I mean, at least you get to hang out with other saviors. That’s something.” 

Zara stopped chewing and looked up at her with sadness. 

“Oh don’t feel too bad for us. None of us are like you. Most of us agreed to be here cause we couldn’t cut it down there. If you can stand to be outside these walks with those undead creatures, well, then more power to you.” 

She reassuringly squeezed Zara’s hand. “We can talk more when you get a little more food in ya. Girl, you are all skin and bone.” she said as she rubbed her arm. Zara wondered if Mindy had been a mother before? She was so comforting.

Mindy gave Zara a warm smile and added, “why don’t you go get something more filling to eat downstairs, maybe oatmeal. Go say hi to your friends. We’ll join you downstairs of course, but we usually skip Negan’s idiotic morning announcement.” 

Without saying a word Zara stood and walked to the exit. She didn’t give herself time to ponder if she was ready to face Aj or not. She reluctantly began walking down stairs. 

Negan was uncharacteristically leaned against the bottom railing, waiting for her at the bottom. He made eye contact with her and smiled.

“Well hell fire! Don’t you look beautiful,” he said looking up at her dress. He extended his hand to her and she swallowed her pride and reached for him. 

Everyone tried not to stare at them as they walked hand in hand. Negan led her directly towards Dallas, Aj and Kate. The boys had their backs to them, and Kate was the first to see them coming. Her body stiffened and she stopped smiling at what they were saying and she quickly looked at Dallas.

Zara saw their bodies stiffen and she held tight to Negan’s hand to steady herself. She could almost feel his smug condescending smile. Her heart was in her throat and she held her breath.

Dallas and Aj both turned around in unison and she met Aj’s eyes. Trying her best to hold back her emotions, she looked away from him. She looked at Dallas and swiftly turned between the two of them, frantically looking at their uninjured hands. When she saw they still had their fingers and hadn’t been hurt like Negan had told her, her knees buckled and she fell to the floor. 

Raw sobs escaped her and fat tears freely flowed from her eyes. She’d never felt such a rush of emotions in a matter of seconds in her life. Her sad cries echoed throughout the cafeteria and everyone questioningly looked at her. Zara would never have cried like this but she couldn’t control herself, she truly had no idea what state she was going to find them in.

Dallas placed his hand on Aj’s chest preventing him from keeling down to her and they looked at each other with confusion. Negan looked down at Zara and let out a harsh mocking laugh. 

“Oh shit honey! I’m sorry.” He extended his hand to her and attempted to pull her from the floor. “I forgot to tell you I was full of shit when I said I cut off their fingers. I was just kiddin’.” 

Dallas and Aj’s eyes widened.

Negan would have felt bad for laughing at her pain, but he felt hot jealously at seeing Zara so concerned for another man. He was hoping to get a reaction out of her when he’d lied before. At the time he was still trying to figure out where she was hiding. He wanted to drag out her pain the same way she did when she escaped. He’d completely forgotten he even said that to her. 

His smile faded when she cupped her crying face in her shaking hands. Her shoulders rocked with sobs and he realized she couldn’t control her cries. He felt like an asshole. She truly was having an emotional breakdown and he felt bad for mocking her pain. For a moment, he also forgot how weak she still was. 

He gently lifted her in his arms and she recoiled at his touch. He began walking back to the fifth floor. As he passed the wives at the bottom of the steps, he instructed Sonya to bring up a bowl of oatmeal with honey. 

Negan’s tender voice faded away as he carried her back to his room. “C’mon honey, I think we need to ease back into it and take things slow. Let’s get you back to bed for some rest.”


	32. Recovery

Zara stayed on the fifth floor for four more days recovering. She did nothing but listen to others talk, eat and rest. Once she was able to comfortably eat hard foods, she reaped the benefits of being Negan’s wife. She hadn’t had such rich foods in the last two years. 

She was somewhat content knowing Aj and Dallas were never hurt, or seriously hurt anyway. She hardly remembered seeing them in the cafeteria. Her emotional state broke her down physically as well as mentally. Her body and mind had already been so drained by the time Negan pulled her from the hole.

Everyone expected her to talk and revel in all her new luxuries, or at the very least put up a fight. The only person on the fifth floor she really connect with was Alina. She was surprised when she saw her walk into Negan’s room. She’d seen her face so many times in her dreams that it was almost weird to see her in person. 

The right side of her face was still healing. The pink sensitive skin was raised and uneven in color and looked as painful as it felt. Poor Alina was meticulous in all her movements so she wouldn’t accidentally cause a painful skin tear on her face.

On her second day in Negan’s room, Alina quietly walked in and sat on the bed next to her. They didn’t speak or really even look at each other, they just sat on the bed together staring at the wall. At one point Alina gently laid her head on Zara’s shoulder and they silently held hands. For such a young person, she brought Zara so much comfort. Alina was one of the few people who could understand how she was feeling. 

She was also surprised when Mindy finally introduced her to Joanna. She was the one wife of Negan’s that she’d never met in all her months at the sanctuary. Her hair was the most beautiful shade of red and it was styled it in a short pixy cut. She was extremely quiet and well mannered. Zara guessed she probably lived a privileged life before and had no means to keep herself save. Negan had been her only option.

Mindy sadly informed her that Joanna used to have beautiful flowing red hair. It was what attracted Negan’s attention in the first place. When Negan thought she was flirting with one of the fifth floor guards, he callously burned the guards face and shaved her head as punishment. Now she kept her hair short as a kind of fuck you to Negan. 

It was interesting getting to know Negan’s wives. Most of them hated each other and spent most of the day bickering about pointless shit. But Zara was dumbfounded when four of them quickly united in Negan’s presence. 

Kelly seemed to be the only wife devoted to Negan. Though she was on friendly terms with everyone, they turned on her the moment Negan was around. They didn’t trust her as far as they could throw her, which wasn’t saying much. 

Negan had’t visited her much in the last three days since she’d become a wife. Knowing she needed rest he assumed his wives would tend to her. 

Sonya had told her that he really let shit slide when he was out searching for her. Zara felt a wave of fear when Sonya had told her that Negan was dulling out punishments to those that had broken his rules in the past month. 

Even though she felt swarmed by the people around her, she hadn’t spoke much in the last three days. She had no desire to contribute to any conversation because she was solely focused on Dallas and Aj. 

If she had any dignity left she would have felt embarrassed about her outburst in the cafeteria. Looking back she realized she must have looked insane, but she truly did think she was about to see the boys with disfigured limbs. 

Zara also got the feeling that she’d upset Negan. Her face hardened when she remembered the way he laughed at her suffering. Every time he saw Dallas with her, she could feel Negan’s anger bubbling up. She decided she’d keep her distance from Dallas, for his safety.


	33. Reunion

Zara woke up already feeling defeated. She opened her eyes in Negan’s bed, and stared at the ceiling. She thought about how her day would go. _Today, I’m going to leave the fifth floor._

Zara felt so guilty for the havoc she caused when she left. Apparently Negan had imprisoned anyone who he thought aided her escape. Luckily, he was convinced she worked alone, but he’d kept the majority of people locked up for a few days longer as punishment. 

Thinking about seeing everyone made her panic with guilt, so she hastily got out of bed and looked for something to wear. She’d settled on a cotton floral sundress with an empire waist and spaghetti straps. Rolling her eyes, she slipped her feet into her keds. _I miss my fucking boots,_ she thought. 

Looking out the window, she could see that it was still early morning. _Maybe I’ll miss the crowd if I go grab something to eat now._

She reluctantly opened the door and began walking to the kitchen. As she was making her way down the stairway she saw Ruby standing by the second floor entrance. Zara could feel her face turn red. She frantically wondered if Ruby had been hassled by Negan or his bastard saviors. 

Their eyes met and Zara gave her a tight lipped, guilt ridden smile. Ruby had a wierd look on her face and Zara’s eyebrows snapped together with confusion. Ruby harshly grabbed her by the arm and pulled her close. 

In a rushed whispered voice she said, “if you see or hear me about to come in the room, make him hide under the bed frame.” She gave Zara a hard quick hug and hastily added, “don’t waste your time talking. We probably wont be able to do this again for a while.”

Ruby firmly pulled her inside the second floor hall and pushed her into her room, which was near the stairwell. Zara’s body jerked as she was pushed inside the door, which hastily closed behind her. 

Lifting her head she looked up at Aj.

Tears immediately welled up in her eyes and she hung her head in shame. Aj took two large steps and pulled her tightly into his arms. Without a word spoken, they firmly held each other and cried. Aj repeatedly kissed her all over as she looked up at him with a weak smile. 

Neither of them forgot how thin the walls were so they tried to be as quiet as they possibly could. When she tried to apologize he shook his head at her and cut her off. 

“It doesn’t matter, it doesn’t. I was so proud you! You made it out of here.”

When she tried to explain herself further he smiled at her. “Z, I would never believe you’d willingly be his wife. I knew you were up to something. I didn’t doubt us for a moment.”

He lovingly held her in his arms and smiled. “Well, okay, maybe it took a day or two for me to catch on, but Z I never doubted you for one moment after that.”

He eagerly kissed her again. “God, I wanted to escape and find you so badly, but he was being so erratic and I couldn’t risk getting caught. I would have led him right to you.”

Zara could barely process anything he was saying, she held him close and took in everything about him. She inhaled his smell, and laid her face against his warm welcoming chest as she spoke. “I love you, I love you, I love you,” she kept softly repeating.

“I can’t live without you again. I wouldn’t make it. Oh God Aj I missed you so much.”

She abruptly pulled herself away from him and questioned him with wide eyes, “Oh my God! Aj we can’t do this. What if Negan finds out! He’ll kill us.”

“No babe,” he said as he continued to hold her to him. “we can’t live for him. Don’t let his mind games get to you. You’re not as alone as he makes you feel. He’s been an absolute maniac the last month and people are willing to help us. They’re rooting for you Z. They may not know about us, but they know you still have fight in you."

For a moment they silently looked into each others eyes. Zara smiled at him and felt her worries melt away. “I will never love anyone, as much as I love you,” she whispered.

Aj tenderly kissed her head and she laughed at his expression when he finally noticed her dress. “God almighty,” he joked. “How am I supposed to look away from your beautiful face now?”

Zara sighed into his arms and tip toed up to fiercely kiss him. In the same instant, they both remembered they didn’t have much time left together.

He quickly unfastened his belt and jeans while she kicked her panties to the floor. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she jumped into his arms. His hands held her firmly under her dress and he could feel her smooth skin. 

She flinched at his touch, she still felt a bit of pain on her tailbone from Negan. Aj’s eyes lit up with fire and rage. She gave him a loving smile and gently kissed his soft lips. “You and me. Nothing else matters,” she reassured him.

For a moment, she broke their kiss and looked up at him with concern. “Aj, I need to know. I need you to know that every moment we spend together puts you’r life at risk.” 

He fiercely kissed her in response. 

Holding her against the wall for support, he reached down and lifted her cotton dress. His strong hands gently rubbed at her most sensitive spot and she quickly became wet with response. He caressed her velvety smooth skin as she kissed his neck.

She felt the tip of his member against her and she moaned with excitement. Zara quickly shut her mouth and remembered they had to be as quiet and fast as they could. He pushed inside her and she stifled her moan. 

Zara harshly grabbed at his back, pulling him closer to her with desperate urgency. She needed his touch. Their bodies moved in sync with each other as he thrust deeper inside her. 

Zara couldn’t contain herself and buried her face into his neck. His thrusts came faster and harder, causing her to bite her lip. She took in everything about him, his hair, smell, touch and taste. All of her senses absorbed him as he powerfully held her.

Their hips shifted and ecstasy exploded inside her. Her body began to tighten around him and she felt his body flex with pleasure. Desperately pawing at each other, he thrust his body hard into hers with urgent need. He reached his climax and she felt him throbbing inside her. Zara bit at his shirt collar and let herself release. 

She held Aj close to her as they both struggled to catch their breath. He weakly placed her on the floor and she rubbed his twitching biceps. 

Aj cupped the back of her neck and pulled her to him. Looking down at her with absolute love he gently spoke, “we’ll survive this Z. I’ll always love you.” He softly smiled and pressed his lips to hers. 

They heard a tap on the door and Zara quickly pulled up her panties as Aj rushed to shove his large body under Ruby’s metal bunk bed frame. As the door began to open, Zara swiftly covered his exposed foot with Ruby’s large duffle bag. 

Ruby walked into the room and swiftly shut the door. 

“Okay, so most of this floor works on kitchen staff so you might walk out of here unseen. If anyone does see you, our story is you came to speak to me about … I don’t know make something up. Just tell them we spoke in my room for, uh privacy.”

Ruby put her hand on the knob to leave and looked down at her bed. “Oh, and you owe me some new sheets.”

“No we don’t, we used the wall,” said Aj’s muffled voice from under the bed.


	34. Afterthought

To Zara’s delight, Negan had to return to one of the farther communities. He contemplated bringing her but thought against it.

It didn’t escape her notice how gentle and kind he’d treated her since bringing her back from the hole. He hadn’t engaged her in anything sexual in the two and a half weeks she’d been his wife, other than heavy petting of course. He didn’t want to hurt her and he knew her body was still healing.

They slept in his bed together every night. He always held her comfortably tight in his arms. Zara hated to admit it, but she found herself enjoying his companionship. She felt extremely guilty when she caught herself scooting into his arms one night. It didn’t help that he saw the horrified expression on her face and laughed his ass off.

To her utter annoyance, she discovered he loved spending alone time together every evening. At first, Zara tried her best not to enjoy his company, but he was so damn charming when he wanted to be. 

He made her play board games with him and she was just too competitive. She couldn’t stand his arrogant attitude and cocky smile. She brought him down a few pegs after she refused to go easy on him at scrabble. His ego wasn’t damaged for too long after he had a winning streak at Monopoly. 

She often found herself feeling weird about Negan. She absolutely knew he could be a monster, and on many occasions he was one. But she was so lonely. She had come from complete isolation and although she got to see her friends from time to time, he kept her pretty isolated.

She was thankful Alina befriended her. They were an odd pair because of Zara’s brass nature and Alina’s calm one. They’d come to think of each other as confidants. Although Alina had absolute hatred for Negan, she understood that Zara was in a confusing spot. Zara absolutely knew Negan was a very bad man, but she felt something for him and she couldn’t deny it to herself or Alina. 

Alina and Joanna were the only other people that were forced to be in Negan’s private company. They also lived through his isolation and mind games. What set Zara apart from them was the vulnerable and loving side that Negan had shown her. She’d seen him at his most vulnerable and she did the worst thing she could have done, she loved him back. 

Then she just felt guilty because she loved Aj so much. Being away from him made her feel lonelier then she probably was. At the moment, Dallas and Aj were with Negan and the other saviors. Zara wondered if he kept them close to him on purpose. She felt so alone without them.

As Zara was in deep though, Mindy pulled her into her room. The serious look on her face made Zara instantly alert. “What, God what is it?”

“I have something to tell you, and I,” Mindy was on the brink of tears and let out a long breath, “I have no one else I can trust. I think Alina may know something, but I can’t involve her. She’s just, I’d be scared she’d get hurt.”

Zara had no clue what she was talking about. She grabbed Mindy’s hands and firmly squeezed them. “Mindy, what the hell. What’s going on?”

Mindy pulled her hands away and frantically rambled. “I…I’ve been cheating on Negan. I didn’t mean for it to happen, but it did, and then one thing let to another and now I don’t know if she’s even safe!”

Zara’s neck jerked for a slight second. “She?”

Mindy rolled her eyes as if it was obvious. “Yes! Ivy of course. Who else do you ever see me talking to?”

Of all the people Mindy could have fallen in love with, Ivy was probably one of the last she would have guessed. “Oh. I didn’t know you were …”

“lesbian,” she casually said.

Zara shook her head, “well ya. And Ivy? I thought she was straight because she was married.”

Mindy inhaled and cautiously looked around her room. She lowered her voice, “no, see Christian was gay, and Ivy was already married to another woman. They weren’t ashamed or anything. But when all hell broke loose they were the only ones to survive out of their small group.”

“She told me that they came up with the wife husband thing so that Ivy would be more protected. She was scared she’d get raped or kidnapped without his protection. It ended up working too because Negan had an eye out for Ivy. The only reason he left her alone was because Christian was such as good asset. But Negan played his mind games, that’s why he made Christian go on overnight trips with him. He didn’t want them sleeping together.”

Mindy rolled her eyes at Zara, “I mean, why do you think he made her his personal maid? If she were anyone else he would have punished her harder. I’m pretty sure he get’s off on her serving him.” 

Mindy perked up with pride, “she’s not stupid though. She does what she’s told and plays his stupid little mind games. I think he was expecting her to hate cleaning this place and become his wife instead. Whatever he though didn’t work though.”

Mindy smiled and for the first time Zara knew it was genuine. Her pearly white teeth gleamed as she broadly smiled, revealing soft dimples on her cheeks. She saw the magic twinkle in her eye that one only gets when they’re talking about someone they love. _God she’s so beautiful,_ Zara thought.

Zara shook her head trying to absorb all the information she’d just been given. “Okay, so what’s wrong? Isn’t Ivy still cleaning up here?”

“No! That’s just it! She didn’t come up today or yesterday! Something changed and I don’t know what. None of us wives are allowed to do anything but drink on this damn floor. But you, you can go down there.”

Mindy clung to Zara’s hands. “Maybe you go down there and see her, or you ask around, I don’t know? I just need to know that she’s safe. For all I know Negan took her with him.”

That thought made Zara’s face fall. She felt the sting of jealously quickly followed by shock at her own reaction. Mindy saw it too. She lifted her chin and inhaled. 

Zara rolled her eyes with guilt and sighed, “fine, okay. I’ll go check it out. If I do happen to see her what do you want me to tell her?”

Mindy bit her lip in thought, “just uh, tell her to stay safe.” She looked into Zara’s eyes and blushed with embarrassment, “tell her I love her.”

Zara sighed and turned to grab the knob. 

“Wait! No wait! I…I wanted to ask you something else.” Mindy hesitated.

Zara turned and looked at Mindy questioningly? She wondered why Mindy sounded scared. “What?”

Mindy bit her lip again, looked down and began to ramble.

“Okay, so I would never ask someone this normally, but like, we’re not in a normal situation, and I’m just trying to be a good sister wife. I don’t think you even notice and and I don’t want anyone else to start to suspect.”

She looked up and met Zara’s confused eyes. She inhaled and continued to nervously ramble, “and I would know, I mean, I’ve never had a baby, but still, I would know because I used to work as a candy striper in the maternity ward. Not because you’re getting fat or anything.”

She paused and eagerly looked at Zara for her answer. 

Zara shook her head at her, “Mindy what? You never asked me anything?”

“Oh.” She leaned into her and whispered, “Z, are you pregnant?”

“WHAT!?” Zara reeled!

“Why on God’s green earth would you think I’m pregnant?” She questioned?

Mindy looked at her like she was stupid, “Zara, look at your boobs. They’re fucking huge. And they were huge when you came back from the forrest. Even after you lost all that weight. Didn’t you think it was weird you lost so much weight but your boobs got bigger?”

Zara looked to the wall and recalled all the times she’d noticed her sore breasts. Her eyes’s widened with absolute horror and she violently shook her head.

“No. No that’s not right. I haven’t, I mean I don’t even ovulate. I haven’t had a period in almost two years.”

Mindy looked like she was on the verge of tears. She spoke softly to her, “Z, look in the mirror. Surly you’ve seen the way you’ve gained your weight back.”

When she saw the scared look on Zara’s face Mindy reassuringly added, “no it’s okay. You’re a very small girl. I only noticed it because I used to volunteer and I would see small girls like you come in to their check ups and I swear they weren’t even as big as I get after a pizza. And they were like, in their third trimesters. It’s not even that uncommon, look…”

She turned Zara around and placed her arms around her, “see, you don’t look any different, but look how your tummy is way lower right here.” She gently placed her hand a few inches under her mid-drift and pushed down.

When she felt how firm her bump was Mindy’s eyes widened with confirmation. She lost her calm composer. “Oh shit! What the fuck! Z, this is hard. How didn’t you notice you belly is hard right here.”

Zara jumped back with panic. “I don’t know! I haven’t pooped in days! I thought I was constipated.”

Mindy slapped her hands to her head, “Oh my God Girl! Don’t you know anything! Pregnant people can’t poop!”

She pulled Zara’s arm to the door. “Okay, go down and see if you can get a test. I know we can get them here for free but this ain’t something you want Negan to know about. Or anyone else. See if you can find Ivy for me too, okay.”

She rubbed Zara’s arm and vigorously shook her head, “It’s okay, whatever happens, I got your back okay. We’ll figure something out.”

Feeling frantic for an answer, Zara nodded her head and almost ran out of the room. As she left the fifth floor she heard Mindy shout for her to slow down. 

At the top of the stairs she set her shoulders and exhaled. She put her shaking hand on the tiny bump below her belly. _There’s no fucking way I’m pregnant._ She gently pressed down and felt the firmness. She looked up and thought to herself, _please, God, if you’re real. Please don’t let me be pregnant._


	35. Negative Positive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning : Trichotillomania

The one benefit from Negan’s public harassment of her was that no-one gave her a hard time. At first she thought it was because people felt bad for her. She was surprised to discover that they were in fact scared of her. 

From their perspective, she was the woman he kissed before bashing Christians head in, she was Negan’s number one girl. She later found out that their shocked faces when she returned weren't for her bruised face but because they didn’t think Negan would bring her back alive. 

He had reacted to her escape worse than she thought he would. She was told that he was changing rules on a daily basis and his crazed rage was solely caused, in their eyes, by Zara. They saw her as a strong woman, an independent woman, but more importantly, his woman. And she wasn’t to be questioned or fucked with. 

Zara hated to use their fear of her against them but she needed to get to the medi-floor and she needed that fucking pregnancy test. She pushed her way into the third floor and walked to the most timid person she could find, which was a teenage boy who looked to be no older than fourteen.

“You. Hi, I need, three pregnancy test. No! Um four, four pregnancy tests.” She casually rolled her eyes at the boy, “One of the wives used them all, and Negan likes us to take them on a monthly basis.”

He gave her a disgusted look and nodded his head. 

After he retrieved the tests, he placed them in a paper bag and reluctantly handed it to her. She tried to give him a weak smile but he turned away from her as if she was contagious. 

As if Zara didn’t feel bad enough, every time she made eye contact with someone they swiftly turned away from her. 

Zara left the third floor like a dog with it’s tail between it’s legs. She tucked the bag under her arm and walked to the cafeteria.

When she did spot Ivy she tried to get her attention but Ivy wouldn’t look up. Though she was surrounded by people at her table, she hung her head in silence. After a few minutes of trying to make eye contact Zara gave up and looked for a pen. 

She tore a small piece of the paper bag and wrote a simple note : 

_Stay safe, ily -M_

Zara walked behind Ivy and awkwardly wrapped her arms around her. She had’t spoken to Ivy since seeing her in Negan’s hallway. Ivy looked at her with confusion. Zara grabbed her hand and slid the folded piece of paper into it. 

“It’s good to see you, we need to catch up sometime.”

Zara abruptly stood up and made her way outside. Before exiting she turned to Ivy’s shocked face and singled with her eyes to follow her outside. 

When they did finally find an isolated corner to talk Ivy was frantic.

“Please! You’re not going to tell Negan are you?” Ivy looked so scared.

“Of course not! Negan can go fuck himself.” Zara confidently said. “We don’t have much time to talk, Negan has so many fucking people watching me. So make it quick. What do you want me to tell her? Why aren’t you working the fifth floor anymore?”

Ivy looked around with frustration and exhaled, “Negan just took me off of sanitation. I don’t know what his game is or if he suspects anything, but he just randomly sorted me on the medi-floor. I have so much I want to say to her.” She shook her head in frustration. “If I give you a letter, do you think you could pass it along?”

When Zara hesitated, Ivy pleaded with her. “Please! Please! Mindy’s the only thing keeping me from loosing all hope.”

Zara completely understood her and her expression softened. “Okay, fine. Let’s just remember to be safe. No names, nothing too detailed, try and code as much as you can okay.”

When one of Negan’s saviors hastily ran out side, he abruptly stopped when he saw Zara. She rolled her eyes and annoyingly sighed. “You’d think those fuckers would be less obvious about following me.”

She jerked Ivys hands in her own, forcing her to make eye contact, “this is important. Do not. And I mean it. Do not, tell a another soul about this. People will turn on you the second they can get something from Negan. No matter how nice or trusting people are. And now It’s not just you and her risking your necks.”

Ivy nodded and excitedly added, “I promise. I won’t tell anyone. I’ll be very careful. If I write something, do you think you could give it to her today?”

After Zara nodded, they swiftly parted ways. Too many eyes were watching them. She knew she was risking her life helping those two, but how could she say no to Mindy when she had Dallas and Ruby doing the same thing for her. 

The bag under her arm crinkled and Zara was slapped with the thought that she might be pregnant. With the test in hand she made her way to the first floor bathroom. If it was positive, she didn’t want any evidence left on the fifth floor. Especially since Ivy wasn’t the one cleaning anymore. 

She sat on the toilet and tore open the pregnancy test. Although she had a full bladder, she found herself unable to pee. She felt more like throwing up. 

Taking a large breath, she closed her eyes, calmed herself, and started peeing. She hastily grabbed for the wand. Her hands were so shaky that she could barley hold the stick still long enough for it to catch her stream. 

She placed it on top of the toilet paper dispenser and cleaned herself. The minutes felt like hours and she felt her body begin to sweat. Her head spun and her vision began to blur. Tears fell from her face before she even realized she was crying. 

With her eyes closed, she exhaled a hot breath and brought the stick to her face. Her eyes wouldn’t open. Her chin began to quiver and Zara’s heart sank to the floor. She already had her answer before she even saw the results. 

Her eyes snapped open and two strong red lines were staring back at her. Zara’s mouth dropped open and a small desperate cry escaped her. She swiftly turned to the toilet and began dry heaving. 

She broke the test in her hand and dismantled it till it was unreadable. Her hands dug into her face and she harshly pulled at her skin. Without a second thought her left hand reached up and painfully grabbed a small clump of hair. In one swift motion she pulled it from her scalp. Starting to feel herself hyperventilate, she grabbed another larger clump from her head. The ripping sound that came from her scalp as she pulled out the large chunk calmed her and she was able to breath again. 

Zara tried to calm down but she couldn’t get her frantic thoughts under control. 

_What the fuck am I gonna do? I can’t let him find out about this. He’s already so protective, what’s he going to be like knowing I’m caring his baby!”_

Her mind snapped to Aj, _“for fucks sake! What’s Negan gonna do if this baby is born and clearly isn’t his? He’s going to fucking kill Aj! He’s going to fucking kill me! I can’t stay here. I can’t let him find out! God how far along am I anyway? I haven’t even has sex with Negan in over a month! How am I supposed to give birth in a place like this. What if I need a c-section! Would Negan cut the baby out of me? Holy fuck I’m gonna give birth with no pain medication!”_

Fat tears started dripping from her face and she sat on the toilet with her face in her hands. She’d already thought about all the awful reasons this wasn’t good news. She’d been freaking out in the bathroom stall for at least thirty minutes now. 

Lifting her head from her hands, her thoughts finally began to quiet and she stopped thinking about Negan and the sanctuary.

She imagined telling Aj the news and felt a twinge of pain in her heart. She rapidly blinked and her body relaxed. Her thoughts calmed as she thought of Aj. _He’s going to be a daddy. How am I gonna tell him that he’s gonna be a daddy._ Her broken heart began to swell. _What if I have a little boy that looks just like him. Or a little girl!_

She conjured up images of Aj holding a small baby wrapped in a blanket. Her thought were all over the fucking place. She was happy one moment and terrified the next. She always wanted to be a mother, but when the dead began walking she completely lost any hope of bringing a child into this cruel world. 

Her face hardened with that thought and something inside her changed. She couldn’t be weak anymore. She couldn’t let Negan get to her. For the sake of her baby she needed to use all her strength to find a way to either kill Negan or escape with Aj.


	36. Deny No More

Negan returned with Dallas, Aj and a handful of his strongest saviors at dusk. Everyone was already gathered in the cafeteria by the time they unloaded everything. Negan smiled when he saw Zara, and lovingly kissed her in front of everyone as he was about to address the large crowd. 

“My men did so fucking good this outing. I’m gonna give everyone the night to get fucked up and rowdy.” 

He held onto Zara as if they were addressing every one as a couple. “I want to toast these fine men and women who’ve been busting their asses keeping you all safe.” 

He raised his empty hand and graciously chuckled, “open bar tonight!”

The crowd was reluctant to react because they feared negan so. When they saw the annoyance on his face, they started to cheer with excitement. Once they saw that Negan was done addressing them, everyone scattered to find their friends. Large groups starting making their way to the bar. 

Negan looked down and brushed Zara’s face gently with his hand. The look of love and tenderness he was giving her made bile rise to her throat. She was scared he knew everything.

He gave her a dashing smile and softy said, “I think I’ve waited for you long enough. Let’s go upstairs. I fucking missed you darlin.”

As he held her hand and lead her up the stair way, she felt like she was in daze. She was trying so hard not to give away her fear, but the thought that he would notice her small pot belly made her panic. She didn’t notice it, but Mindy had. She didn’t know how to act natural around him anymore. 

When he brought her to his room he threw his large tired body on his bed. “Fuck me I’m tired! I gotta put a better mattress in that Goddamn tower.” He pat his bed and gestured for her to come. 

When she didn’t immediately come to him, he walked to her and playfully threw her over his shoulders. He laughed and gently threw her on the bed. As he unzipped his black leather jacket he looked down at her like she was something yummy to eat. 

She couldn’t help but smile at his stupid face. She knew that if she just played along with him, she’d relax enough to be herself. She definitely feared him, but she couldn’t deny she enjoyed his company when it was just the two of them. 

His hands hungrily slid up her midriff and he cupped her swollen breast in his large hands. “I gotta tell you, I didn’t trust Mindy when she showed me the dresses she picked out. But God fuckin’ damn if this thing doesn’t fit you like a perfect fuckin’ glove, tight where it needs to be.” 

He hungrily smacked his lips and looked down at her body, “I love the way this thing blows in the wind.”

He made a snarling noise as he dropped his head to her chest. Zara sighed and slowly ran her hands threw his hair. She felt his large hands slid under her dress and cup her backside. After giving her a squeeze he gently slipped his fingertips into her panties and began slowly pulling them down. 

Zara lifted her hips to aid him. For a brief second she wondered if she preferred him when he was hot, bothered and fast, or moments like this when he was so tender with. He made her question her feelings.

He brought his face to hers and kissed her with skillful seduction. Her mouth slowly opened and his tongue caressed the inside of hers. His hands were carefully looking for a clasp or button to open her dress, when he couldn’t find one he hastily tore her dress open. 

Her bare breasts spilled out and he audibly grunted as he leaned down and took her full breast into his mouth. He moaned with satisfaction and the sweet taste of her. Her hands were grasping his powerful shoulders with need. When he clamped onto her sensitive nipple, she firmly grasped at the back of his neck.

He lowered his left hand and ran it along the fabric of her panties. Zara was lost in the moment and her own hands began unbuttoning his jeans. 

Standing to his full height, he pulled off his white shirt. She comfortably lay her body back on the bed and looked up at him with hot desire. When she defiantly lifted her chin at him, he stared down at her with lust in his eyes and seductively smiled. He affectionately shook his head at her and pulled off his pants.

Standing tall, he let Zara stare at all of him. He raised his chin at her as she pulled the torn dress from her body. She confidently lay on the bed in her panties but otherwise naked. She knew she wasn’t showing her pregnancy and she felt a weird sense of pride as he admired her body. 

He slowly pulled her panties off and crawled over her. The dramatic rise and fall of her naked breasts set Negan over the edge and he hungrily took her in his mouth. He couldn’t get enough of her. As he thrust his throbbing member into her, he buried his face into her silky hair. He inhaled her smell and licked at her neck. He needed to be inside her, he needed to taste her, he needed her mind, body and soul. She belonged to him.

He drove himself deep into her core and his body flexed with pleasure. Zara grabbed hold of his hips and clamped onto him with her shaking thighs. The presser of his large member made her moan in his ear and he shivered when he felt her warm breath. 

His buttocks tightened with every thrust and Zara ran her hands over his flexed muscles. When she grasped him tight and pulled him deeper inside her they both wailed with intense pleasure.

He plunged himself into her and their hips rocked together with need. Every time he propelled himself deeper inside her, his balls pushed against her swollen sex. She bucked into him and threw her head back as she cried out. 

He leaned up and held one hand softly to her neck. He began painfully lunging his hips into hers and grunted with need. “Say my name. Say my name baby. I wanna hear you fucking purr it!”

Zara ran her hands up his slippery thighs and tried to push his body away from hers. Although his hand on her neck wasn’t gripping her tightly, he was still being somewhat forceful. When she heard him command his name, Aj popped into her head and she bit her lip at her stupidity. 

She relaxed her body and shimmied her hips deeper into his. She saw his forearm twitch and she playfully smiled up at him. “Do you like that,” she teased. Zara wasn’t about to let him intimidate her. 

She could feel his body twitching and she knew he was tired from thrusting into her so vigorously. Using her hips and legs, she playfully clamped onto his body and swung her weight, turning him onto his back. She pushed him deep inside her and lifted herself up.

She looked down at him, proudly displaying her naked body, confidant he wasn’t looking at her midriff. His white teeth gleamed at her with greedy satisfaction. She leaned back and he frowned. He thought she was going to pull out. Instead, she leaned her arm back and cupped his balls into her small hand. 

She began hastily riding him as she tilted back and caressed him in her palm. His hands slapped harshly against his face with surprised delight and he let out a loud laugh. 

“Holy fucking Christ, Zara!” He shouted while laughing. 

_That’s right! Say my fucking name you bitch,”_ she angrily thought to herself. She was so turned on by his submission that she felt herself become wet with desire. 

She let go of him and slammed her hands flat onto his lower stomach. She used his body and rode him hard. When she knew he was about to climax she raised her body and threw back her head. Zara let out a long gripping moan of pleasure. Negan watched her with satisfaction and released into her as he firmly held her hips. 

When she tried to pull herself off of him, he held her firmly in his hands. She leaned onto his body and laid her face on his sweaty chest. Her body lifted and rose with every breath he took. 

Zara closed her eyes and imagined she was laying on Aj. She sighed into him when she realized it was impossible to pretend anymore. They were two different men and Zara couldn’t deny she just made passionate love to Negan.


	37. Her Peace

The next few days were confusing for Zara. Negan had barely let her out of the fifth floor. They’d been having sex several times a day, he couldn’t keep his hands off of her. 

Zara wasn’t sure if she was showing her pregnancy more, or if she only noticed it because she knew. She didn’t even know how far along into her pregnancy she was. Either way, she was doing everything in her power from sleeping with Negan. 

She tried to distract him by engaging him in long conversations. That strategy backfired when she found herself talking to him for hours on end. All that did was give her a better understanding of him. When she caught herself sympathizing with him, she realized that she much preferred the sex rather than talking and getting to know him better.

Although she felt like she was cheating on Aj, she knew she was sparing the other wives from Negan’s relentless mind games. Everyone except Kelly had personally spoken with her and thanked her for keeping him distracted and away from them. 

Zara was starting to feel awful throughout the day. She’d never been pregnant, and she’d never looked that much into it. She was completely clueless about what her body was going through and what stage she was at. She knew it was going to be discovered eventually, but she wanted to tell Aj first.

Being that Negan was spending so much time with her, she hadn’t had an opportunity to talk to Aj at all. When Negan wasn’t bothering her, he was usually out in the forrest. He kept taking Dallas and Aj with him, she knew he didn't like that they were her friends. Lucky for her, today he only took Dallas. 

Determined to speak with him today, Zara rushed out of the room and made her way outside. With Negan no where in sight she ran straight to Ruby. She asked her to relay a secret message to Aj, so they could meet. 

In a very risky move, they agreed to see each other in the abandoned glass house near the shed. Zara was currently waiting for Aj to arrive and she frantically pondered how she was going to tell Aj she was pregnant. Her nerves were rattled and she was already shaking with nervousness. 

Aj cautiously walked into the glasshouse and ran to hug her. When he tried talking to her she cut him off with haste. They only had minutes to talk and she needed that time to tell him about the baby. Zara harshly pulled him away from him and his eyes snapped together with worry. 

“Well that’s a first, what’s wrong? Are we fighting,” he defensively asked.

Zara set her shoulders and exhaled. With a quivering voice she quietly spoke.

“We don’t have time for that Aj. I … I need to tell you something.” 

She hesitated and her mind went blank. “I had a speech to tell you but now I can’t think so I’ll just say it.” She met his eyes and almost cried.

“I…I’m…I’m pregnant.”

She took a few steps away from him as if her words were something that deserved retaliation. When he didn’t react, Zara feared the worst. _He’s going to leave me now that I’m probably caring Negan’s baby,_ she thought.

Aj just stood there. He didn’t blink, speak, move, even breath. With wide eyes, his mouth hung open in absolute shock. His eyes quickly darted to her belly for confirmation. 

“How? I mean. Ya how! You’re tiny.” He shook his head at her and fell to his knees. He gestured for her to come to him and when she didn’t he walked to her on his knees and wrapped his arms around her middle.

His head abruptly snapped at hers. His face paled and he frantically said, “you’re going to have to deliver the baby without pain medication or a proper hospital.”

Zara’s eyes widened and she began to sob with joy. When he looked at her with confusion she tried to explain herself threw her broken sobs. “I thought you were going to leave me because this could be Neg…”

Aj stood and cut her off as he held her tightly.

“No. Don’t even say that. I will never abandon you Zara. You have to stop doubting that.”

He cupped her face and waited till she made eye contact before he continued. “Silly girl, this baby was made in love.” He lowered his hand to her tiny bump. “Is this it, this baby is you and me. That’s my son or daughter in there.”

Tears filled his eyes and he smiled the biggest smile she’d ever seen from him. “We made a person babe. You’re gonna be such a good mother.”

Zara couldn’t contain herself as ugly sobs escaped her. This was truly the first time she was letting herself enjoy her pregnancy. Hastily smearing her tear streaked face, Zara happily began to laugh. 

“What do you want? A boy or girl?”

He shook his head with bewildered panic, “shit, I don’t know? Give me both,” he joked. “How far along do you think you are?”

“I have no clue. Two months at least but Mindy guesses I’m probably four.” 

His eyes widened and he frantically looked around the glasshouse. “FOUR MONTHS!”

She snorted at his panicked reaction before adding, “she thinks I am. I doubt it though.” 

Her smile faded and her heart sunk. “Aj, we only have a minute or two left and I need to be honest with you.”

She licked her lips and he straightened when he saw her worried face. “I’ve been spending a lot of time with Negan. I would never even admit this to myself, but I can’t lie to you. I don’t want to. So I have to tell you that…that….”

Aj saw that she was struggling to find the words and he held her hand for reassurance. 

“Aj…I feel like I’m cheating on you…with him. Sometimes, I just feel so isolated and lonely up there.”

Aj shook his head at her, “babe don’t do that. He knows what he’s doing. You should hear the shit he tells Dallas. I was having a really hard time with it, and Dallas reminded me, Negan wouldn’t be so insecure if he thought you loved him. He tries to fight it, but he knows your heart will never belong to him.” 

She slowly shook her head at him, “what would I do without you?”

They heard a rustling of leaves nearby and they froze. For a few seconds of horror, Zara thought they’d been seen.

Aj’s expression grew dim and his shoulders slumped. “Z, we have to, we have to get outta here.”

Zara nodded at him with silent worry.

Days later, Zara found herself in an unusually cheerful mood. Anytime she felt sad, she thought of Aj and how excited and worried he was for her. She was amazed that one of his first thoughts after being told she was pregnant, was for her safety. He never even questioned the baby’s paternity. 

She felt like love was winning, and not just for her either. Ruby and Dallas were leaning on each other more than ever. Zara was so thankful Ruby was there to pull Dallas out of his depressive state. They’d both suffered tremendous loss and leaned on each other as friends. 

Ivy and Mindy were also able to stay in contact with some regularity. Zara had asked if Ivy could return to the fifth floor, but Negan looked at her suspiciously so she’d dropped the subject. Regardless, Zara was playing messenger, passing letters back and forth between them. Ivy was so grateful, she’d stolen a small bottle of vitamins for her. They were near their expiration date but a nurse told her they were still better than nothing. 

She felt so guilty for the way she’d behaved while pregnant. Since she’d come to the sanctuary, she hadn’t drank often. On the few occasions that she did, she’d gotten blitzed. She’d done dangerous stunts and spent a month eating military MRE’s. There was no way that was good for the baby. Not to mention the time she smoked with Negan. She was so guilt ridden over how she’d behaved.

The only ones that knew about her pregnancy were Ivy, Mindy, Aj and Alina. She had only gotten that small opportunity to talk to Aj because Negan kept him busy. And Mindy was too caught up in her own love life to really care. Zara was once again so grateful for Alina. 

When Zara wasn’t with Negan she was with Alina, who had done an amazing job at reassuring and comforting her. Aside from Aj and Dallas, she was Zara’s absolute best friend. 

She’d been dying to see Dallas and tell him the news, but Negan usually kept them separated at all times. She was on her way to find Ivy to give her Mindy’s letter, when she spotted him outside by the gardens. 

“Dallas!” She beamed at him. He threw his big arms around her shoulders. 

She could feel him smiling as he spoke into her hair. “That’s Uncle Dallas to you,” he quietly said.

She pulled away from him and her mouth hung open. “That jerk! He said he wasn’t gonna tell you.”

Dallas smiled from ear to ear. “I can’t tell you how happy I am. My boys gonna make a good daddy.”

Her eyes fluttered at him with happiness, “I love him so much, it’s overwhelming.”

She inhaled sharply, “I’m…I’m…”

“Scared shitless,” he finished. 

“Yes!”

He squeezed her shoulders tightly in his arms. “I remember when Sav found out we are having a boy.” Zara’s eyes softened, he’d never spoken of his wife and child before. “She got her way of course, I wanted a daddy’s girl.”

His eyes were sad for a second before he perked up and added, “Ya know, Dallas is a nice strong name for a kid.”

She rolled her eyes with amusement.

Her smile immediately faded as she looked up and saw Negan watching them from the second floor fire escape. She pushed herself from Dallas and straightened her posture. 

“He watchin’?” Dallas questioned without turning around. 

When she nodded at him, and he gave her a weak yet happy smile and walked away. She didn’t take offense at his abrupt departure. They both knew Negan was a crazy jealous bastard.


	38. Snitch

It was late into the evening and Zara still couldn’t find Ivy. Annoyed at how much time she’d spent looking for her, she made her way back to the cafeteria for something to eat. When she saw that Negan’s other wives were already there, here eyebrows shot together with confusion. She hastily made her way to Mindy for answers.

“What are you guys doing down here so early,” she questioned?

Mindy shook her head at her with worried confusion. “I don’t know, a few minutes ago he barged into the floor and yelled for us to come down.” 

The hairs on Zara’s neck stood on end. Her hand trailed over her breast and she couldn’t feel the letter she’d stuffed in her dress, for Ivy. She swiftly turned, and saw Negan staring back at her with a twisted wicked grin. 

His eyes were full of rage. The only other time she’d seen that look, was just before he’d spanked her. She recoiled and took a few steps backward. He shook his head at her from across the room. Her body hit a hard surface and she looked behind her and saw one of his saviors. Her eyes widened when she realized they had surrounded all the exits. 

“You’re not fucking going anywhere baby doll.” 

His booming voice made everyone freeze.

Two strong arms forcefully grabbed at her shoulders and pulled her forward. Painfully jerking her body forward, it was clear they expected her to fight back. When she didn’t, even Negan’s head tilted at her with confusion. They harshly threw her at his feet, and he stood tall with Nick at his side.

Lifting her head, she turned to the crowd. When she couldn’t find Aj in the sea of people, her eyes started to water. She looked up at Negan’s face and the fierce rage in his eyes caused her body to start shaking. 

He painfully grabbed the back of her neck and lifted her. His teeth gleamed at her with wrath. “You fucking slut.” 

He violently shook her, when she tried to place her hands on his chest. 

“Didn’t I fucking tell you I have eyes all over. And yet you didn’t waist any fucking time running to him did you.”

She let out a painful yelp when he harshly threw her to the floor. Her eyes darted to the spinning crowd of faces and she began to panic when she still couldn’t find Aj.

Her body flinched when he shouted down at her, “he’s not in the fucking crowd Zara! If I see you look one more Goddamn time, I won’t be held accountable for what I fucking do to you!”

Negan looked up and nodded his head, all at once movement broke out amongst the people. His saviors had blocked the exits, and held tightly to each of Negan’s wives. Even Kelly was fighting against her captor. She could hear them dragging someone from behind her and she closed her eyes tightly with dread. 

Terrified she was about to see Aj’s face burned, she shook her head with frantic horror. Negan commanded she open her eyes, and when she refused he harshly grabbed her face and made her.

“I said open your fucking eyes,” he commanded. 

They snapped open when he began to violently shake her and she sharply inhaled when she saw Dallas on his knees next to her. 

“I already told you! I’ve never had sex with Dallas! Negan! We aren’t fucking!” She frantically yelled with panic.

With deadly calm he looked down at Dallas and raised his lip in disgust. “You think you’re fucking slick huh.”

Panic shot threw her body and she tearfully shook her head at Negan. “Earlier today, Negan it’s not what it looked like. I haven’t seen him in weeks. I was just saying hi.” 

Angrily lifting her chin she attempted to be brave. And lowered her voice, “you know I’m not lying.” She gently shook her head at him, “you won’t hurt me.” 

“You may not be the one I need to hurt,” he said with alarming calm. He threw down the letter meant for Mindy.

For a long moment, the cafeteria stay silent. Not a sound was made for fear that they would attract Negan’s attention. The kitchen doors crashed open and one of his saviors walked in holding the scalding hot iron. 

The crowd broke out in hushed whispers and Negan’s wives all tried to break free from the saviors. Alina was struggling the hardest to free herself. “You fucking bastard,” she hissed. Mindy bit one of the saviors and briefly broke free of their hold. 

“Negan! Let her go! Get the fuck off of me,” she screamed.

Zara’s shaking hands picked up the crumpled letter and shot Nick a look of contempt. She felt herself sway and almost fainted. Knowing she was already at the point of no return she started pleading with him. 

“Negan…Negan…please, you don’t have to do this. I’ll listen, I’ll follow every rule you give me. Please don’t do this. Please!”

He lifted his chin at her and his cheek twitched as he angrily watched her beg him. He slipped the protective leather glove over his hand and took a step towards the iron.

She shouted at him louder with more urgency. “Negan please don’t burn him. I swear to you. I’m not sleeping with him. He’s my friend. I swear.”

Her voice cracked with desperation and fear. “I swear to you Negan. Don’t hurt him. I’ll do everything you ask. Anything.”

“Me! It was Me! Negan that letter was meant for me!” Ivy screamed from the crowd. She reluctantly stepped forward.

“I wrote the letter.” Mindy said from the opposite side of the room with absolute dread.

Negan didn’t even look at them. The vehemence he felt was overtaking him, and he couldn't think.

Zara weakly looked at Dallas and he stared back at her with loving peace. He gave her a calm smile and closed his eyes. She shook her head at him. Seeing that he had already accepted his fate, made her panic further.

Negan believed Mindy and Ivy the moment they confessed. The idiotic sappiness of the letter told him that it wasn’t written by or for Zara. 

When he gathered everyone together, he wasn’t even sure he was going to burn Dallas. He just wanted to scare them shitless. But seeing what lengths Zara was willing to go for another man enraged him. He had truly never felt such hostility in his life. The ferocity of his bloodthirsty anger surprised even him.

With murderous contempt he grabbed the hot iron and swung it was merciless force. The heavy iron crashed into Dallas's head, immediately concaving his skull. His lifeless body fell to the ground with a loud thud. 

Zara’s heart shattered into a million pieces and she cried out with a gut-wrenching scream. Dragging herself to Dallas, she cradled his lifeless bloodied body in her arms. Her hands violently shook as she tried to catch her breath. Rocking back and fourth she covered his destroyed face with her hands as if she could take it back. 

She could hardly speak threw her tears, snot and slobber. She looked at Negan with agonizing sadness.

“How could you do this! How could you do this Negan! He was just my friend. That was all. You killed him because he was my friend.”

She lowered her head with shame. “How…how could you kill him. My God!”

She looked down at Dallas's distorted face and gently stroked his bloody wet hair. “He was brother. He was like my brother.”

Her desolate cries echoed throughout the room and many people watching cried with her. Even the saviors holding back Negan’s wives had tears.

Zara finally inhaled and lowered her head to Dallas. “How could you kill him.”

“I didn’t kill him,” Negan ruthlessly shot back. “You did." 

The ruthlessness in his eyes made her want to vomit. 

He gave her a cocky smile, "at least we don’t have to worry about him reanimating.” 

Zara looked up and met his eyes. She absolutely despised him. He gave her one of his charming smiles and pulled the red bandana from his neck. He spoke to his saviors with complete barbarity.

He gestured to Zara, “this is what happens when you don’t follow my fucking rules.” 

He pulled a large knife from his holster and turned to the crowd. With a swiftness, he flipped the knife in his hands and plugged it into Nick's belly. Pulling down harshly, he ruthlessly gutted him. Nick's mouth hung open as he looked down at his spilled intestines. 

Negan viciously laughed and quickly stabbed the large knife into his temple. 

“And that people, is what happens when you try and mind fuck me, like Nick here. I’m not a fucking idiot. Don’t think you can manipulate me for your benefit.” 

Zara sat defeatedly. She didn’t even struggle when she heard Negan’s command. 

“Put her in the fucking hole til she learns how to follow my Goddamn rules.”

Looking up at him with glazed vacant eyes; she bared her teeth at him and spoke with viscousness dripping from every word. “You better keep me locked in that hole.”

“And why is that dear wife,” he asked.

“Because I’m going to fucking kill you.”


	39. Surrender

Zara lay in the dark jail cell stubbornly looking at the wall. Her head throbbed from continuously crying so much. 

Her thoughts of Dallas were mercilessly cruel. She was the direct cause of his death. Images of his smashed in face haunted her every time she closed her eyes.

The damp cot she lay on smelled moldy and gave Zara a painful cough. Negan hadn’t visited her and she assumed he'd had his fill of her. 

An hour after being thrown into the hole, she realized she couldn’t stay there long. She let herself wallow in her grief for two days, she needed the seclusion from Negan. She spent that time trying to mentally prepare herself for the unthinkable. 

Zara needed to tell Negan she was pregnant with his child. That was the only way she could ensure the safety of her baby. He could treat her like shit all he wanted, but she knew she needed to take care of herself for the sake of her child. 

She was waiting on him to visit her so she could tell him. To her surprise, Alina came instead. Her pain was temporarily relieved when Alina informed her that Aj was being held a few cells down. He broke the jaw of one of Negan’s saviors when he saw them manhandling Dallas. 

Sadly, she also learned the fates of Mindy and Ivy. Alina held Zara’s hands in hers and gently informed her.

“He made Ivy his seventh wife. He’s had Mindy and Ivy in his bedroom for the last two days.” 

She gulped, “I only see them in passing. They’re not in a good place Z. He’s making them…” Unable to finish, she shook her head with disgust. 

Zara roughly inhaled and whispered, “I’m gonna tell him today. I doubt he’ll even care, but it’s the only hope I have of getting out of here.”

Alina cried for her, she hated to be the one to tell her the bad news. “Z,” she softly said as she gently shook her head. “He hasn’t forgotten about you. Why do you think I’m here. He want’s an update on how you’re doing. Z, he…he cares more than ever. He went on a rampage after they took you away.”

She sadly looked down, “if you’re thinking he doesn’t care anymore, you’re wrong. He’s not gonna let you go.”

Fat tears fell from Zara’s swollen face and Alina wiped them away with her gentle warm hand. “Look at me Z.” She sternly commanded. “What ever I can do to make this easier on you. I’ll do it. Don’t even hesitate to ask.” She looked down at Zara’s small pouch and cried as she spoke.

“This baby was all that mattered to me and Dallas,” she said threw broken cries. “He joked,” she closed her eyes with the painful memory. “He joked that this was our God baby. None of us have anything to live for, but the safety of your child. It’s the only good thing to come from this hell hold.” 

When she saw the gleam of hope in Zara’s eyes she softly continued, “you and Aj, this baby, it’s keepin’ us alive Z.”

They cried together and Alina said a small prayer over her. 

As she was about to leave she once again encouraged Zara. 

“I’m gonna go up there, and I’m gonna send Negan down. When you tell him, if he tries to pull any shit, remember, the only thing that matters is that baby. And Aj’s safe so long as he’s in that cell. They’re feeding him right, they just leave him in there alone, okay. Negan’s a fucking bastard, but he won’t harm that baby.”

When she left, Zara threw up in her cell. She knew the next few months were probably going to be the worst of her life.


	40. Worse Case Scenario

“Well, what the fuck do we have here.” Negan sneered. “A well behaved hostage on her best fucking behavior.”

She shut her eyes tightly when she heard his familiar silky voice. She took the biggest inhale of her life and turned to meet his stare. Her face contorted with bitter resentment. When she looked at him the ferocity in her eyes caught him off guard. Her chest heaved with heavy breaths as she lifted her chin at him with absolute hatred. 

In a sing song melody he joked, “temper temper.” He rolled his eyes at her and casually asked, “so why is it that Alina tells me I need to speak to you? You know, I’m pretty fucking skeptical on why you’re being such a model prisoner all of a sudden.”

She tried to speak but only a hot gust of breath came out. Her nostrils flared as she tried to get a hold on her rampant anger. She spoke through her gritted teeth but her words were unrecognizable. 

Negan put his hand to his ear and mockingly danced a little jig. “What’s that now?” He dragged out every syllable, “I can’t hear you.” 

She again, looked into his eyes and gulped, “I said, I’m pregnant.”

Negan’s hand slowly dropped from his face. He arched his shoulders and stood up straight. His eyes darted to her stomach and his eyebrows shot together. With a booming voice he said, “You’re a fucking lier.”

Unwilling to speak to him she slowly turned from him. The look of disgust on her face was enough to give him his answer. 

Negan spoke in a breathless whisper, “what…when, when the fuck did you find this out? I’m not sure I believe you,” he said skeptically.

Zara was in no mood to comfort him, so when he took a step towards her she flung her body against the wall and recoiled from him. With deadly calm she warned him. “Don’t touch me or I'll fucking kill you.” 

His eyes danced, “now,” he said with a smile, “that’s my fucking girl.”

He put his hands in the air to surrender. 

“Now you know I gotta restrain you if I’m gonna be bringing you back to the fifth floor.” 

He licked his lips as he looked down at her and slowly opened the gate, “if you do anything to get away from me,” he said matter of factly, “I’ll break your fucking jaw and tie you to my bed. You got it.”

Defeated, she looked down at the ground. Taking a deep breath she stood up and turned to the wall. She placed her hands behind her back and flinched when she felt his touch.

“Easy now,” he cooed, as he led her to the third floor. She jerked her shoulder sharply when he gently ran his finger down her shoulder. 

She would have told him to fuck off, but she couldn’t muster the strength to speak to him without hitting him. He brought her to the third floor and she met with his personal doctor. Negan needed to confirm the pregnancy. 

She lay on the table staring at the ceiling, as he painfully poked and prodded her abdomen. When Negan attempted to hold her hand she recoiled with revulsion. Winking down at her he held tightly to her hand for good measure. 

The doctors face scrunched with worry and he hesitated to speak. “I, I’ve triple checked now, and, well, she’s five months along already.”

Zara’s head snapped to him and her mouth hung open. Shaking her head at him, she was in disbelief.

“No, really! I’m almost as shocked at you.” he added. “Actually, you could be six.” 

He grabbed her hand and brought it an inch above her belly button. 

“You see how that’s hard there, well, that’s how high your uterus is. It wouldn’t be that high if you weren’t that far along. And it’s not so uncommon for a woman not so show at five months. Usually it means you’re carrying the baby differently. But six months is pushing it. You need proper nutrition.” 

He happily shook his head at Negan. “Looks like you got about three, three n’half months before that baby’s here.”

Negan gently placed his hand on her small protruding belly and swiftly removed it when he saw the dangerous look of anger in Zara’s eyes. “Shit Zara! Take it easy, I was never gonna kill you.” He said, as if he were talking to a child.

He looked down at her small body and his eyes began to tear up. “Ho-ly hell! I’m gonna be Goddamn daddy! Wooo!” He bellowed throughout the floor. 

He roughly grabbed her head with both hands, and held her in place as he bent down to kiss her. His tongue was in her mouth before she could push him off. 

When he wouldn’t let her go she grabbed a fist full of his hair and tried to pull him off. His teeth harshly hit hers and he relentlessly explored her mouth with his. He roughly let go of her head, and swiftly captured both of her wrists in his hand. His arm jerked as he held her in his powerful grasp and restrained her. 

He placed his free hand on her belly and her body went limp. She wanted to swing her legs at him but she was scared she’d hurt the baby if he accidentally pushed down too hard. His hand gently caressed her smooth skin and his eyebrows shot up with amazement. 

He smiled at her and breathlessly said, “that’s my son in there. I can feel it. I know you’re pissed at me now Zara, but you’ll get over it, we’re a family.”

Zara gulped back her bile. She couldn’t think of a time when she was more disgusted. He placed his face against her warm belly and she winced at his gentleness. 

He brought his head up and looked at her, “I’m part of you now.”


	41. Catch and Release

The next few weeks were a lot for Zara to handle. After the doctor had confirmed her pregnancy, Negan got drunk with his saviors and happily told everyone the good news. She had never felt more publicly shamed or alone in her life.

Though the crowds reacted with fake compliments and laughter, she knew some of the saviors felt conflicted. Negan had Dallas and Aj working so closely with him the last month, and many of his top saviors had come to befriend them.

The men and women also feared that Negan would take another wife. They felt for Zara, but their delight in her pregnancy was real. They hoped that this would distract Negan from his fixation on his ever changing rules. 

He had been unhinged after her escape. For a week and a half, he questioned many of his most trusted saviors and staff. He could not be convinced that Zara was able to escape without someone aiding her, let alone seeing her.

Negan still didn’t know where she had been hiding. His only guess was the attic or crawl space of one of the abandoned shops.

Even the other wives were following his orders without question. Mindy and Ivy, though grateful to be together, were broken in spirit. Their punishment for cheating was to include Negan in their relationship. And without Zara to take handle of his sexual needs, he switched from wife to wife several times, sometimes daily.

He got a kick out of Zara and Alina’s relationship. Negan usually didn’t like shy quiet women, but he enjoyed Alina’s company. She was special. She wasn’t just shy but demure. With Zara as an influence she’d come out of her shell. Negan was taken aback when Alina told him to go fuck himself. Her bravado quickly faltered when he reminded her that was her job. 

To her credit, Zara was compliant with most of his orders. Once she started eating and drinking properly, her small pouch was starting to became a small bump. He was pleasantly surprised when she started coming down for his morning announcements. 

Negan knew she still had some fight in her, which was why he didn’t push sex on her. He didn’t want to stress out the baby more than he needed to. He had gathered all of the best maternity cloths he could find in the area and presented them to her as a gift. She adamantly refused his gift and distributed all the cloths to others pregnant woman at the sanctuary. 

She instead wore short spandex shorts that Sonya had given her. She alternated between various large plaid shirts that used to belong to Dallas. Negan absolutely hated seeing her in another man’s clothing. But he was no fool, he knew when to pick his battles. If that’s what it took to keep her from slitting his throat in the night, he could be flexible. 

Negan reveled in his victory over her, although he did regret killing Dallas. If he had known she as pregnant, he wouldn’t have needed to assert his authority over her. Zara on the other hand, was not pleased to be his number one wife. Every fiber of her being wanted him dead. She hated herself for giving into his insanity. 

The only reason she was being so compliant was for the sake of Aj and their unborn baby. So long as she played the good wife with Negan, her baby was safe. Aj had been released from his cells a few days after her pregnancy was confirmed, so she knew he was safe. 

Aj was having a hard time dealing with the death of Dallas. He blamed himself for his best friends death. If he had been there, he wouldn’t have let Dallas sacrifice himself. He only felt comfort when he thought of Dallas reunited with his wife and child. 

Aj missed his own wife. The only interaction he got with Zara was in the cafeteria. They were able to look at each other during Negan’s morning announcements. Both looked battered and bruised, but those little moments of quick eye contact kept him going. He wanted to write her a letter, but he was too frightened he’d get someone killed if they were caught.

His only other friends he had to lean on were Ruby, Kate and Alina. He knew Mindy and Ivy would have helped him if they could, but Negan kept them confined to the fifth floor as punishment. He mostly spent his time with Kate, doing work for Negan. He thew himself into whatever task was asked of him. That was his way of getting his frustration out. And in the process of doing so, Negan had come to somewhat trust Aj.

When he didn't have work to do, Aj could usually be found chopping lumber. He needed to tire himself out so he couldn’t reflect on how depressed he felt. When he did let himself think of his situation, he spent his time thinking about becoming a daddy. He always wanted to be a father, and the best way to protect his child was to kill Negan. 

Ultimately though, he just thought of Zara and their baby. He built up an imaginary world in his head of how life could have been. In a weird way he was grateful for the walkers. Without them, Zara wouldn't have been stranded on the east coast. 

Zara had the same outlook as Aj. She tried to keep herself busy from her thoughts. She feared less for her life and freedom and more for the lives of her family. A big perk from her pregnancy was Negan had stopped initiating sex with her, all it took was a few well placed blood capsules. She couldn’t imagine being intimate with him, she was repulsed by the thought of it. 

Being the considerate husband that Negan was, he stopped having sex in his master bedroom. His room was exclusively for Zara. Every night they sleep together. To her utter displeasure, on the nights Negan wasn’t there, she found herself unable to sleep. She’d gotten used to him spooning her, and she hated herself for it. 

He held her small belly every night and read to the baby. He was very loving and tender with her. She did appreciate when he’d massage her cramping legs. After she let herself rest, she was able to feel the baby kick. She also started to notice how awful her body had truly felt. Her legs cramped, she was tired all of the time, and she had minor back pain.

Zara thought of all that she’d put her baby through. She was lucky she hadn’t miscarried during her escape. She was trying to doing everything in her power to keep her baby safe. Although she ate non-stop, she still had trouble putting on weight from stress. Her belly had grown, but she looked like she was only five months along. The doctor guessed her uterus may have a backwards tilt, because he was confidant the baby was growing.

He thought she had a few more weeks till delivery, but they couldn’t be sure since she'd never had her period. Zara was a strong willed, but she was absolutely terrified of giving birth at the sanctuary. 

She had reoccurring nightmares of Negan taking her baby away. They both knew that once she delivered the baby, he would have all he’d need to keep Zara his forever. He’d even made comments about having more children. 

She knew deep down Negan had a good heart, she trusted that he would do no harm to his own child. But he was capable of committing violent acts from an unhinged state of mind. And she had to find a way to keep her family safe. 

She reflected on all of their encounters and came to realize that she had been the only one to ever come close enough to Negan to harm him. She thought of their second meeting when she’d cut his arm. She concluded that she needed to bide her time for the perfect moment. She needed to catch him completely off guard if she ever had any hope of escaping from his tyranny.


	42. Day by Day

Everyone was exhausted from the drama of life. Negan’s wives dreaded his bedroom visits, Aj was killing himself with work, and Zara tried her best to stay optimistic. They were all taking it day by day, sometimes hour by hour.

Zara was due in two weeks, though she could have gone into labor at any moment. She was terrified of giving birth. Her paranoia got the best of her and she had Ivy sneak her an emergency bag with birthing supplies from the third floor. She hid the bad in Negan’s own closet because he regularly checked hers for hidden weapons. 

She’d already made peace with the fact that she may need a c-section. Although she was completely willing to sacrifice her life for her baby, she feared what Negan would be like as a single father. 

She was walking down the stairs on her way to meet Alina when Aj walked out of the fourth floor entrance. Her body harshly jerked with surprise at being near him. They’d only gotten be together once or twice in the last six weeks. 

They both leaned into each other than abruptly recoiled. She made a rule to never touch Aj incase one of Negan’s kiss ass saviors was watching. Dallas’s death had deeply affected her and she feared loosing Aj would kill her. 

“Shed, eight-thirty tonight, Negan wont be back till nine,” he whispered. 

She beamed at him with happiness and he gave her a playful wink. “Love you,” looking down at her belly, he smiled, “love you too little man.”

The sound of a door opening made them swiftly turn from each other, and she made her way outside to meet Alina. 

When she spotted her sitting on a bench by the gardens, she went to join her. 

She plopped herself next to Alina and tried to find a comfortable position.

Sighing with frustration she thew her hands in the air. 

“Fuck! My back hurts,” she said exhaustedly. She happily looked to Alina. “I just spoke with Aj and the baby wont stop kicking.”

“May I?” Alina quietly asked. Zara rolled her eyes at her politeness and grabbed her hand and gently placed it on her belly. When the baby stopped moving she gave it a little wiggle. 

“C’mon little baby, say hi to your Auntie Lina.”

Alina leaned into her small belly and gently spoke, “hi baby, did you hear your daddy today?”

When the baby kicked her in response, they looked at each other and laughed. 

“How are you feeling today? No cramping,” she asked with concern. 

Zara nodded her head absentmindedly.

Alina smiled at her. “You’re not even listening to me,” she laughed. “Are you thinking about him?”

She smiled and nodded her head. “I think I’m gonna see tonight.”

“Do you need me to cover for you,” Alina asked with a worried look on her face. 

“Yeah, if you can. If Negan’s not here, there shouldn’t be anyone looking for me.” 

Alina stared off into the distance and Zara’s brows furrowed when she saw sadness cross her beautiful features. Gently tilting her head at her Zara softly asked, “what’s wrong?”

Alina silently blinked back her tears and swallowed hard, trying not to cry. “It’s just, I’m so lonely. I miss Vince so much.” 

Her eyes filled with tears and Zara saw that she was struggling to say something. 

“I feel so guilty Z, I’m just so lonely, I just wish I had someone to hold me at night and tell me things are going to be okay. It’s been months since I’ve felt real love.” She rolled her eyes, “I’m just Negan’s fuck thing. And now he ruined my face,” when she couldn’t go on she shook her head.

Zara didn’t know what to say. She didn’t want to bullshit her and give her false promise of escaping Negan. After a long moment of silence Zara gently put her arm around Alina and squeezed her in a big hug. 

“I can’t promise things will be okay, but you can feel my love.” Alina looked her in the eyes and weakly smiled. Zara perked up and added, “you know this baby loves you too. Kicks me every time you yell at me for not drinking enough water.”

Alina’s smile widened till finally her bright teeth shown against her soft pink lips. “Well, I am pretty good at telling you want to do.”

Zara looked at her with amazement and squeezed her hand reassuringly, “you know I wouldn’t lie to you. So when I tell you, you’ll find love again, I mean it. Your soul is so beautiful, and so are you,” she hastily added. Zara began to tear up thinking about how amazing her friend was. “I promise you here and now, you will find love again.”

Laughing at their sappy moment Zara wiped the tears from her eyes and sniffled. “Plus, you’re too easy to fall in love with. That’s why I’m not nice to people, like you are.”

For once, they were able to enjoy their good mood. They joked and laughed with each other all afternoon. 

Later that evening she wait in the shed for Aj. She nervously face the wall and looked for something to keep her from her thoughts. She sighed and looked down at her growing belly. 

“Hows my son doing?” She heard from behind her.

Zara turned to Aj and smiled, “your daughter is doing good, now that her daddy is here.”

“Oh Jesus let’s hope not! What makes you think I can raise a girl.”

They tenderly embraced and laughed when her little belly got in the way. They hadn’t been able to be this near each other in weeks. Zara suddenly began to feel self conscience at her ever changed body. 

Though the shed was gloomy, Aj could see her blush. He took a few steps back and crossed his arms. “Well, let’s see it. Open that shirt and let me see how big you’ve gotten,” he said, as if he was talking to the baby. 

Zara shyly unbuttoned her shirt and nervously looked up at him.

He stood back and admired her new form. She looked worried when he looked at her with surprise. 

“Wow.” he said in a breathless whisper. 

“Look how beautiful you are.”

He looked at her belly and his eyes filled with tears of joy. He slowly placed his warm hand on her small belly and lovingly caresses her. “You’ve done such a good job mama.” He gave her belly an affectionate jiggle and smiled at her. Zara beamed at him with pride. She’d never felt more loved or beautiful than in that moment. Being a family with Aj made her feel at peace and she sighed with elation. 

He brushed the hair from her face and burst with pride, “the Morgans.”

She looked at him with tear felled eyes and placed her hand to her belly. 

Closing her eyes with contentment, she brought him close to her. He softly sang, Having My Baby, as he stroked her small belly and gently rocked her in his strong arms. The moment was made better when his voice cracked on every high note. 

Her body relaxed and she smiled into his chest. They lovingly embraced each other til Alina regretfully walked into the room. She looked at Aj and Zara and sadly led her away.


	43. Labor of Love

In the last days of her pregnancy Negan had become unhinged. He’d been dealing with territory wars with other community leaders. In the last few weeks he’d made some dicey decisions that backfired. In part, that contributed to the murder of Dallas. He’d become paranoid, volatile and erratic. The people living at the sanctuary and even his saviors feared for their lives everyday.

The only thing that he was consistent about was spending his nights with Zara. She was his peace of mind and she hated him for it. Aside from his snarky sense of humor, she was the only other thing that brought him composure. 

For the sake of the people, Zara allowed him to be sweet with her. She occasionally kissed him back, and let him be affectionate with her. He was still extremely possessive of her, and his need to control her was stronger than ever. 

She wasn’t allowed to shower unless he was with her. She couldn’t leave his bed in the morning unless he allowed her. And he’d put a stop to her wearing Dallas’s shirts. She woke one morning to find all of his shirts burned in a large trash can. Every time she looked down at her maternity dresses, she seethed with anger. It was a big fat reminder that he brutally murdered one of her dearest friends. 

She woke that morning to painful contractions. Everything made her fear she was in labor so she lay in Negan’s arms and tried to count how far apart her cramping was. When he woke, she tried to hide the pain from her face. 

He gently kissed the top of her head, “and how’s my spicy little jalapeño doing this fine morning?”

She let out a sigh and let her head fall back onto his shoulder. “Just a little tired today. Think I might stay up here and rest.”

He lovingly placed his hand on her belly. “Do you want me to run you a warm bath?”

 _Oh my God a bath would be amazing right now,_ she thought to herself. Regretfully shaking her head she said, “no, I think I just need some sleep. How about you? What’s on your agenda today?”

He grunted in annoyance, “I’ve gotta talk to that fucking asshole who runs Hilltop. He has a complete disregard for my rules.”

She felt a contraction and winced her face. Misconstruing her reaction he smiled down at her, “it’s okay darlin’ he’s small shit. I’ll be back before dark.”

She gnawed at her lip and gave him a weak smile. He gently kissed her again and left the floor after his morning shower. Panic set in as she waddled to Alina’s room.

Without saying a word she walked into Alina’s room and plopped herself onto the bed next to her. She elbowed her and when she didn’t immediately awake, Zara flicked her arm. Alina’s eyes groggily opened and she looked at Zara with confusion. 

“Why are you waking me up so early,” she said as she yawned, “go back to sleep.”

Zara was surprisingly calm. “Lina, I think I’m in labor.”

After a second of hesitation she jumped out of bed and looked around the room for help. “What the fuck do we do! Do you need me to get the Dr?” After a quick moment she frantically asked, “where’s Negan!”

Zara calmly lay on the bed looking at the ceiling. She closed her eyes and let out a small breath.

“He’s going to Hilltop, he’ll be back by dark. That’s good. Means I’ll be able to deliver in his room without his fucking medical staff.”

Over the last few months Zara had made enemies of his trusted doctors and nurses. She was sure they were good people, but when it concerned Negan, they would turn on her in a heart beat. Truth be told, most everyone would. 

The only people she could truly trust were Mindy, Ivy, Alina, Ruby and AJ. There was a handful of saviors that pledged their allegiance to her but she didn’t fully trust them, same with Negan’s wives. She couldn’t blame them, Negan was ruthless when it came to those that betray him. 

“What’s the plan,” Alina asked, with a look of sheer determination on her face. 

“I think I’m only in early labor. Hopefully I’ll be in active labor soon. Before Negan returns.” 

She closed her eyes and tried not to concentrate on her plan. 

“Have the girls seal off all the fifth floor entrances. I don’t want anyone in here but me, you or Aj, maybe Mindy if she can help me deliver. Tell them to keep quiet. Don’t let anyone suspect, just tell them I’m sleeping or lazy or something. I don’t know, make it sound believable.”

Alina nodded her head like a drill sergeant had given her orders. “Should I get Aj?”

“Negan probably took him to Hilltop, but if he didn’t, we shouldn’t bring him in till Im about to push. I can’t have anyone seeing him alone with me. Negan’d kill him.”

Alina gave Zara a hard wet affectionate kiss on the cheek and beamed at her. “Okay, I’ll be here if you need me.”

Zara had been in labor for over eleven hours and it was close to seven at night. She was doing amazing. She lay in Negan’s darkened room with her eyes closed. Alina was with her the whole time holding her hand and occasionally helping her breath. 

Zara rhythmically hummed at the pain. She only opened her eyes when she found the pain to be too much and she struggled to find her breath. Alina would grab her hand and sternly instruct her to breath, “hee hee, hooo, hee hee, hooo.” 

It was cliche but all of the other breathing techniques she’d bothered to learn didn’t work. As Zara entered active labor she needed the simplest method to breath. 

Mindy and Alina stepped out of the fifth floor to get some supplies when Zara heard the terrifying sound of Negan’s hummer. 

_Oh God No!_ she desperately thought. 

Through sheer force of will she stood from the bed and slowly walked to the fifth floor entrance. After locking the doors she slid the steel pipe Mindy brought her into the handles of the door. 

Falling to her knees she panicked. The pain was so sever it made her feel sick. She would have screamed out with agony but she didn’t have the breath to. She felt like she was on a roller coaster when the wind prevents you from screaming. 

When her contraction stopped she hobbled to Negan’s closet and pulled out the medical bad she’d hid there, weeks before. A twinge of pain struck her and as she harshly yanked the bag, it’s contents spilled all over the floor. 

She couldn’t take the strain anymore and rocked her hips against the ground. Tilting her head back she finally inhaled and let out a deafening scream. She heard Negan’s bellowing voice from the open window in the living room and cried out in pain again. 

Reaching her hand down she could feel the baby’s head. By the time she caught her breath again Negan was banging on the fifth floor doors with an ear splitting roar. 

“Zara! Open this fucking door! If someone’s in there, open this fucking door now!”

Negan panicked when he realized Zara was probably in there alone. Aggravated that she’d locked the only entrance he ran to the fourth floor and called for a ladder. The only other way in, was threw the fourth floor fire escape. Negan had removed the fifth floor balcony for protection. He wasn’t worried about fires because he cold simply jump to the fourth floor balcony if he truly needed to. But to clime up safely he needed a ladder. 

When she heard rattling at the window it took everything she had to crawl to the door and lock herself inside his room. 

When Negan reached the window, he frantically smashed it with his fist. “God fucking dammnit,” he shrieked.

Unwilling to waste anymore time, he pushed his body over the window’s edge and fell over the broken glass on the floor. 

“There’s no where to go now darlin,” he angrily bellowed. 

He swiftly kicked his bedroom door open and rushed to Zara. 

She looked at him with terror stricken eyes and grabbed for his hand. 

“Are you okay! Look at me darlin’ are you okay?” he was becoming hysterical.

She tried to speak but she had no breath, “can’t… breath,” was all she could muster. 

She lowered her hips to the floor and got on her hands and knees. She tried her best to grab the tools that had fallen from her bag. At first Negan thought she was going to fight him, but she hysterically thew them at him for help. He pulled the red bandanna from his neck and pulled off his jacket. He set his shoulders and cleared his throat. 

“Okay baby, we can do this. You’ve already gone this far honey.”

He got behind her and spread her legs. She grunted and he saw the baby’s head begin to come out of her. He began to cry with emotion as she let her body push the baby out.

“That’s it honey, that’s it. Keep pushing. He’s coming!”

She cried out and panicked when she couldn’t catch her breath. 

Negan left her back side and looked her intently in the eyes. “Zara!” he yelled at her.

She looked at him with dazed tired eyes and painfully tried to inhale. 

He spoke to her with his strong commanding voice, “Zara, you can do this. You got it baby. On the next contraction I want you to put your chin to your chest and push. Okay, push.”

Her nostrils flared with renewed confidence. She lowered her head and pushed as hard as she could. 

“Yes! Yes baby thats it! He’s coming! Oh God Zara I see his face. He’s coming. Push baby push!”

She stopped to catch her breath then pushed again. 

“One more baby, you only have one more hard push to go,” he roared. 

She let out a gut wrenching shriek and felt the baby’s shoulders pop out. 

Negan cried out with joy as he caught the baby in his hands. Zara fell to the floor and rolled on her back. Her tired eyes looked up at Negan as he cradled the small infant in his big arms. 

He squealed with delight, “it’s a girl! Oh Zara it’s a beautiful baby girl! My baby girl! My baby! You did it!”

He placed the baby in his leather jacket and clamped the umbilical cord with string. She smiled at him and haded him the large sewing scissors. He dowsed them in vodka and carefully cut the cord. 

All of his focus was on the small baby girl, he dropped the scissors to the ground and gently picked her up. He smiled down at her small face with adoration. 

Seeing him lovingly look at her daughter sparked something deep and primal inside of Zara. With a flash she clutched the scissors firmly in her hand and used her remaining strength to swing with all her might. The shiny scissors impaled Negan’s bare neck. She was aiming for his carotid artery. 

Still smiling, he didn’t even realize what she’d done. He felt the heat from his blood and looked at her with confusion. His expression changed from anger to shock. He coughed and blood spurt from his mouth. Negan lovingly looked down at the baby girl in his arms and safely lay her on the floor. He attempted to gulp then slumped to the floor. 

His blood began to pool near Zara. She tearfully gave Negan one last look and turned from him. She didn’t even have time to contemplate his death. 

She reached for Negan’s black leather jacket and pulled the baby close to her. She nestled her small baby girl in her arms. For a few moments she let herself enjoy her new daughter. 

“Hello baby girl,” she said threw her tears. “I’m your mama.”

She rapidly blinked her tears away when she heard Alina’s voice from the window. As loud as she could she cried out for help. When Negan’s body twitched Zara realized with sheer terror, that he as reanimating. 

“Please, help me,” she shouted in a breathless whisper. 

She heard the sound of braking glass before Aj burst threw the bedroom door. He pulled a large knife from his back pocket and plunged it into Negan’s head. 

He ran to Zara and fell to his knees. “Oh God Z, I’m so sorry I wasn’t here.”

He gently pushed the hair from her sweating forehead. “How you doing mama?”

Zara felt a wave of peace overcome her and she lovingly smiled at him. “Would you like to meet your little girl?” 

She was so tired, for a second she felt the sting of guilt. She desperately wanted to close her eyes and rest. 

Aj gently lifted the leather jacket and looked at his daughters small angelic face. “Well hi,” he affectionately said, “I’m your daddy. It’s awful nice to finally meet you.”

“Dallas always wanted a little girl,” Zara softly said. Aj lowered his head and began to weep. 

Zara placed her hand on his forearm. “Dallas Lina Morgan,” she breathlessly whispered. 

He bent and kissed her with admiration. “I couldn’t possibly love you more than I do at this moment Z. You’re the most amazing person I know,” he managed to say threw broken sobs. 

“I know, I’m pretty great,” she softly joked back. “I love you Alexander James.”

She closed her eyes and breathed a sigh of relief, her daughter need not fear Negan anymore.

Aj’s eyes snapped together with confusion when he felt a warm wetness touch his leg. For a second he thought he must have pee’d himself. He looked down with absolute horror and saw a pool of blood gush from between Zara’s legs. 

“Babe? Zara? Babe!” 

He gently laid the baby down and lifted Zara’s limp body in his arms. He shook her with confusion. “Z, open your eyes! Open your eyes baby!”

When her limp lifeless body sway in his arms he angrily began to shake her. “Goddamnit Zara wake up!” 

Alina firmly put her hand on his shoulder and he dropped his head with utter defeat. She gently pulled him away from Zara and lay the small baby in his arms. 

“She needs you Aj.” Alina could hardly see, her tears came so swiftly. “Z wanted her with you, and she needs you right now.”

Aj cried into the leather jacket that held his baby girl. 

Alina slowly pulled the gun from his holster. When Aj looked at her with sadness she tried to speak. 

She could only get out a small whimper, “I promised her.” 

She inhaled and tried to get it out. “I promised her, I’d never let her change….into one of them.”

Aj regretfully nodded his head and looked down into his little girls beautiful face. Alina slowly waked into Negan’s bedroom. 

A lone gun shot rang out.


	44. Death of Me

Epilogue

Dallas cupped the side of her face and shouted up at the large look out tower. “Hello! I’ve been calling you guys for ten minutes already! Mom said to come down.”

She closed her eyes and turned her face to the sun.

Alina lovingly wrapped her arms around her and smothered her with love. She also turned her face to the light and let the warm sunlight kiss her scared face.

Still embracing Dallas from behind, Alina pushed the ebony hair from her beautiful face. Alina cleared her throat with authority. “Guys! Get your asses down here! Now! Foods ready.”

Aj’s head popped into view and he comically dangled his head out of the towers door hatch. “Spoil sport,” he replied with a grin.

Aj slowly made his way down from the tower, followed closely by his son.

“Please be careful,” Alina shouted at them.

“Mom, I’m big, you don’t have to tell me that every single time,” her young son annoyingly shouted to her.

Once he was close enough, Aj jumped to the ground and gave Alina a quick peck on the lips. They’d been together seventeen years. Their match hadn’t been made out of love, but friendship. They were partners for ten years before they finally shared their first kiss.

Even then, they felt guilty, as if they were dishonoring Zara’s memory. But Dallas was so happy when they finally got together romantically. Their love grew from Dallas's happiness. She’d been calling Alina mom since she could speak.

Aj and Alina never knew what became of the sanctuary. They packed as much as they could, took the baby and fled. Ruby was the only one who left with them, but they hadn’t seen her in many years.

For the first three years they raised Dallas with Ruby. When she found someone to share her life with, Aj and Alina were left to care for Dallas alone. For years they traveled and lived off the land.

They found a secluded tower deep in the outback of Virginia, perfect for spotting walkers and scavengers from a distance. It took them years to slowly build their home. It wasn’t pretty, but it was sturdy and safe.

Dallas was just ten years old when Alina fell pregnant. Aj and Alina both had mixed emotions when they found out. Aj was terrified that he’d loose another wife to child birth, and she was scared to give birth alone. Luckily, her delivery went as smoothly as it could have, they were fortunate.

Their seven year old son, Declan, was the light of their life. He brought their family new joy. Aj swelled with pride every time he saw Dallas protect him. In turn, Declan absolutely adored Dallas. She was his favorite person in the whole world.

They often referred to him as shadow because he could usually be found at her heels.

Declan swung from the tower steps and jumped into Dallas’s open arms. She grunted loudly as she caught him.

“Huah! God, you’re gettin’ fat,” she joked as she pretended to weigh him with her arms. Dallas swung his body around and held onto her as she gave him a piggy back ride. She jumped in the air as she ran back to the cabin, making him squeal with laughter.

Aj threw his arm around Alina and she lay her head on his shoulders. They watched their two children with contentment.

Dallas bucked, and Declan dropped onto the floor. She laughed as he stood up and began chasing her back to the cabin.

It was no happy fairy tale ending, but it was their reality. They and their children thanked God every night for Zara, without her bravery and sacrifice, none of them would have survived.


End file.
